Friday, March 07, 2008

American Idol Results: 3/6/08

Thank God for Blake Lewis. Not that I particularly liked the Timberlake-lite song that he performed last night on AI, but his guest appearance saved me from the horrific '80s Medley that I've been having nightmares about all week.

After Blake's song, Seacrest announced, "Now the fun stuff is over." Great! This show's on for an hour, and at only 8:05 there's no more fun allowed. But stayed tuned, folks!

I did stay tuned, only to get a few more tastes of that man-candy, Michael Johns. And I have to say that I'm disappointed by the lack of close-ups. And, by the way, cameramen, do you wanna stop cutting to Michael's wife all the time? You're killing the mood.

With all the fun disposed of, Ryan began the lengthy process of placing butts in the very futuristic and uncomfortable-looking Top 12 chairs. Note to contestants: When Ryan calls your name first, you are not going home. EVER. Stop looking so nervous, stupid.

The first to die was Kady, who thrilled fans of irony by getting eliminated the week that she sang "Who Wants to Live Forever." (Remember when LaKisha got booted after singing "Staying Alive?" And Phil predicting that he would go out in a "Blaze of Glory?" Classic!) She also thrilled the entire hearing public by getting eliminated the week that she brutally bludgeoned a perfectly lovely Queen song. Unfortunately, she was allowed to beat the song while it was already down, repeating her crime in an even more grisly fashion than on Wednesday.

Seacrest then woke up Luke Menard and told him to go-go home-home. With Kady and Luke gone, I was feeling pretty good about my predictions. Then it all went to hell.

The final two girls were Asia'h and Kristy Lee. I remember thinking that there was no way in hell anyone thought Kristy Lee did a better job on Wednesday night. But, somehow, Asia'h was eliminated. Then I remembered my own rule: two blondes can never be eliminated at once or the entire fabric of the Idol universe would unravel. That's why my picks to go were Kady and Ramiele. Ramiele and Kristy Lee's performances both made me feel like I'd overdosed on Ambien. Asia'h was fun and actually sang on key. She should have easily made it to the Top 12. And she knew it. She looked pissed. She's a little girl, but I think Ryan was frightened. I bet she trashed someone's dressing room on the way out last night. You go, Asia'h! I will miss your curly tendrils and superfluous H.

And then there were two. The last men standing were Chikezie and Danny. I thought since Danny had the support of Vote For the Worst and he was really likable that he would be sticking around. Plus, his long-lost brother, Christian Siriano, just won Project Runway! I thought good luck would run in the fam. Ah well, Danny was cast out and Chikezie's mother sat on the family bench praising the lawd and thanking Jesus. I really don't think that Chikezie is God's favorite Idol. I'm sure he's rooting for his most glorious and wondrous creation - Boomer the Roo. Er, Michael Johns.


Falwless said...

hahahahaahaha. Good god I love your recaps. "Seacrest then woke up Luke Menard and told him to go-go home-home." You wreck me. I don't really know what that means, but interpret it as "ME THINK U FUNNY."

SkylersDad said...

These results shows are the worst. I refuse to watch them live, I must TiVo and be able to fast forward or I will go insane!

cube said...

We were right with 3/4 of the predictions. We didn't expect Asia'h getting the boot, but then again we didn't know about Newton's albeit little-known 4th law... that 2 blondes can't be eliminated on the same show or it will unravel the fabric of spacetime.

Sauntering Soul said...

I actually considered getting off my sofa and jumping up and down with glee when Danny was sent home. But I refrained.

Mike said...

Tivo is my friend. I did have to roar outloud when tic tac teeth's ma praised the heavens when he spared C and axed Texting/Half winkle Danny.

Good lord...could we please be spared the over dramatic crying!


Barbara Bruederlin said...

So that's what is holding the universe together - the two blonde rule. You are now my official go-to person for quantum physics issues.

Turnbaby said...

BUWhahahahahahahaha the Christian/Danny tie in !!!

And WTF is Pauler on--she is without a doubt freakier than EVAH!

Mathdude said...

Good AI analysis, except that Danny definitely deserved to go for botching such a great song. I'm almost at the point that I can't take another second of Paula's rambling incoherencies, though.

Gifted Typist said...

I was 3 fer 4. Asia'h going and Kristy Lee staying was an injustice that could only be explained by particle physics, so thanks for that.

So excited was I that I watched the Thursday show live ... never again. They should have done it in 15 minutes. The drag-out factor made me want to slit wrists. Not mine though.

BeckEye said...

Falwless - Thanks! Me like ur new evil avatar.

Skyler's Dad - They are pretty bad. But thank God for no medley!

Cube - I only had 1/2 right. I get better in the "real" part of the competition. I'm glad you know the two blondes theory now. It will come in handy in the future.

Sauntering Soul - Awwww, I felt bad for poor Danny. There was just something about him that I dug.

Mike - I'm glad I wasn't the only one who noticed Chikezie's mom.

Barbara = I'm trying to teach Michael Johns "me + U = us."

Turnbaby - I think I'm going to pitch their reality show. I'm not sure to who, but it must be pitched.

Mathdude - Yeah, they need a dubbed in translator for Paula when she starts speaking in jibberish.

GT - AI loves filler. And "Seinfeld" thought IT was a show about nothing.

DrillerAA said...

Great recap!!
I for one am not going to miss Danny. I found nothing likable about him. I know, I'm old, I'm grumpy, and I'm a kill joy, but Danny is forgetable. Extremely forgetable. Of course, at my age, everything is where was I?

Bloody Awful Poetry said...

Mwuahahahahaha!! DEATH TO NORIEGA!!
Again, an absolutely shytzey recap.
*standing ovation*
Oh and I already posted this on my blog, but I just wanted to tell you that you have an excellent point; Idol airs hours earlier in the States, so it is in fact extremely likely that you did see Michael first. Unless you blinked.
And you are at an advantage because I'm still underage and the man is old enough to be my, uh..uncle.And my mom thinks it's weird that I am in lust with him.
But I would soooo take you down for that piece of Aussie-nessess!!
(If you win you get to keep the carrots).

Angie said...

I definitely did not find Danny likable so I was doing the Balki/Cousin Larry dance of joy when he left. Asia'h should have stayed at least another week, but I'm good as long as my boys Castro and Johns are still in it.

genn6 said...

Your recaps are awesome! There should be an age limit on voting, though, I don't think these kids really get it, and because they don't know the music they don't appreciate it like us old fogies do. How many of them actually think "Love Is A Battlefield" is an acoustic song?

BTW, I heard your Steelers lost Alan Faneca in the free agency moves. Sorry to hear that, so is No. 7, but hopefully you guys have a good back-up or can draft somebody.


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