Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:
Moses Finds the Promised Land - Screen legend Charlton Heston died late Saturday night at the age of 84. The cause of death hasn't been identified yet, but he had withdrawn from the public eye over the last few years due to Alzheimer's Disease. Many in Hollywood didn't see eye to eye with his political views, but most can agree that he was responsible for some of the greatest onscreen moments in epic movies like The Ten Commandments and Ben Hur.
Ok, enough being nice. Whew, thank goodness.
Beyonce and Jay-Z Prove That They're Crazy (in Love) - So, they finally tied the knot. Why can't these celebs learn from Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell's example? Who do they think they are? Don't they know they can't win? So, how long will this union last? Let's start the bidding at 8 months. Do I hear one year? Anyone? Anyone?
Oh My God, It's a Hot Pregnant Tranny Mess - Women everywhere got super excited upon hearing about the amazing pregnant man! Then, we all found out that Thomas Beatie was just your run-of-the-mill guy who was born a girl and had top-half gender realignment surgery to look like a man, but decided to keep his lower lady parts, then married a woman with no uterus, so when they decided to have a baby he was like, "Oh hey, I still have one of those!" No biggie. I don't think this is anything that The Jerry Springer Show or that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie hasn't prepared us for.
American Idol is Cursed, But Not to the Extreme That SNL Is. - Last week on the AI set, both contestant David Cook and host Ryan Seacrest required medical attention. Cook had to be rushed to the hospital after his Tuesday night performance due to "heart palpitations" caused by high blood pressure. Though he hasn't talked much about his personal issues, David has been under a great deal of stress stemming from his brother's battle with cancer. As for Seacrest, dude walked into a wall and jacked up his knee! Perhaps he was running to Jason Castro's dressing room after he heard he was lounging around in a bath towel, and didn't quite clear the doorway? Whatever the case, I would just like to offer my amateur nursing services should Michael Johns suffer any injuries. Or, you know, if he just needs a check-up, I'd be happy to take care of that too.
Paris Hilton Finally Does Something Entertaining - As she was walking out of a Prague music store last weekend, Paris tripped over her gigantic clown feet and took a dive, hitting her chin on the floor. Her boyfriend, D-bag #1 from Good Charlotte, proved his gentlemanliness by not breaking stride and stepping right over her. Eventually, he helped her up and, after some serious reflection on the harrowing incident, Paris vowed to build a shelter for fallen women. Ba-dum-bum.
Britney Spears Plans to Design Children's Clothing - In future news, the pregnancy rate for girls between the ages of 10-16 skyrockets.
Moses Finds the Promised Land - Screen legend Charlton Heston died late Saturday night at the age of 84. The cause of death hasn't been identified yet, but he had withdrawn from the public eye over the last few years due to Alzheimer's Disease. Many in Hollywood didn't see eye to eye with his political views, but most can agree that he was responsible for some of the greatest onscreen moments in epic movies like The Ten Commandments and Ben Hur.
Ok, enough being nice. Whew, thank goodness.
Beyonce and Jay-Z Prove That They're Crazy (in Love) - So, they finally tied the knot. Why can't these celebs learn from Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell's example? Who do they think they are? Don't they know they can't win? So, how long will this union last? Let's start the bidding at 8 months. Do I hear one year? Anyone? Anyone?
Oh My God, It's a Hot Pregnant Tranny Mess - Women everywhere got super excited upon hearing about the amazing pregnant man! Then, we all found out that Thomas Beatie was just your run-of-the-mill guy who was born a girl and had top-half gender realignment surgery to look like a man, but decided to keep his lower lady parts, then married a woman with no uterus, so when they decided to have a baby he was like, "Oh hey, I still have one of those!" No biggie. I don't think this is anything that The Jerry Springer Show or that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie hasn't prepared us for.
American Idol is Cursed, But Not to the Extreme That SNL Is. - Last week on the AI set, both contestant David Cook and host Ryan Seacrest required medical attention. Cook had to be rushed to the hospital after his Tuesday night performance due to "heart palpitations" caused by high blood pressure. Though he hasn't talked much about his personal issues, David has been under a great deal of stress stemming from his brother's battle with cancer. As for Seacrest, dude walked into a wall and jacked up his knee! Perhaps he was running to Jason Castro's dressing room after he heard he was lounging around in a bath towel, and didn't quite clear the doorway? Whatever the case, I would just like to offer my amateur nursing services should Michael Johns suffer any injuries. Or, you know, if he just needs a check-up, I'd be happy to take care of that too.
Paris Hilton Finally Does Something Entertaining - As she was walking out of a Prague music store last weekend, Paris tripped over her gigantic clown feet and took a dive, hitting her chin on the floor. Her boyfriend, D-bag #1 from Good Charlotte, proved his gentlemanliness by not breaking stride and stepping right over her. Eventually, he helped her up and, after some serious reflection on the harrowing incident, Paris vowed to build a shelter for fallen women. Ba-dum-bum.
Britney Spears Plans to Design Children's Clothing - In future news, the pregnancy rate for girls between the ages of 10-16 skyrockets.
Comments
BTW,
Your Britney crack had me laughing so hard that I almost woke up Procrastinator Junior.
And despite the fact that he appears to be a giant douchebag, I still think Seacrest would be fun to have a beer with. I bet that "how I broke my knee on the AI set" story would be amusing :)
Did WP just say crack and Britney in the same comment? Oh my.
I give Jay-Z and Beyonce 18 months to 2 years, or right after Jay-Z jr starts walking. Still love David Cooke and sorry but he's my pick to win AI. Paris and Britney are a waste of space.
I'm still sulking that that human ostrich didn't lose teeth during that spill. I am just mean I guess.
Loved what you said about the pregnant men (like they really thought we'd believe a Real man could get preg? Do we look stupid?)
just asking
Jay Z, Beyonce, Scarsdale? WTF?