Thursday, May 01, 2008

Unlikely Sex Symbols: Part I

I realize that post title makes it seem like "Unlikely Sex Symbols" will be a recurring topic. I have no way of knowing if it will or not, but I pray that it will based on the awesomeness of this first installment.

I found this gem in an October '74 copy of 16 magazine, plucked from an alarmingly large stack of my sister's back issues that are still taking up space in my Dad's basement. My Dad is under the impression that stuff like this "will be worth something someday." I blame Antiques Roadshow.

Still, I'm glad that he didn't torch all of these relics, if for no other reason than this saucy centerfold/feature...


If the picture alone wasn't enough to entice bellbottomed teens, the accompanying PG-trying-to-be-NC17 article about Alice's nighttime habits must have certainly had them all atwitter.

Click the pic to enlarge and read the blurb. You may not be able to see all of the text, and I won't bore you with the whole thing, but here are a few of my favorite passages. And remember, Alice wrote this himself! It totally was not some fresh-out-of-college 16 mag intern!

"The real reason to hit the hay before sun-up is that you look just terrible after staying up a whole night and into the next morning."

If Alice Cooper's secret to looking good is going to bed early, I think I'll continue to be a night owl.

"Well, when I really start getting ready for bed, I make a point of saying nighty-night to my animals."

"I have my sheets changed every day, not because they get dirty, but because I love the feeling of freshly pressed linens. I love it so much that as soon as I get into bed I just squirm around for a while, savoring the sensation of the cool sheets against my skin. Then I start trying out different sleepy-time positions."

"At this point, I start thinking about all the wonderful things that have happened to me during the day, and all the terrific adventures in store for me tomorrow. That takes about a minute or two, and then I start thinking about more personal and sexy things. You might call them fantasies. (This is if I'm alone - if I'm not alone, I don't need to rely on fantasies, as you might imagine!)"

Welcome to Alice's nightmare, kids. Where the sheets are always clean, exotic animals frolic, and sexy adventures are waiting around every corner!

25 comments:

David Amulet said...

Well, if Patrick Dempsey can become a sex symbol, anything is possible.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

My life was so innocent and perfect up to this point. I can never go bad now.

Happy Villain said...

Well, I now know what it tastes like when you are too lazy to cook, so you have hard-boiled eggs for dinner, and then they come roaring back up. I will forever associate Alice Cooper with semi-digested eggs. Ugh. Thanks for that. I can't wait to see what Part 2 teaches me about my taste buds.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Are you making fun of Alice? I think that pic is HOT. I think your sister and I must be the same age.....I remember reading that very article. Alice inspired me to hire a maid and have my sheets laundered and pressed daily. I love bedtime.





PS
I would pay to read your blog,

PSS do you take requests? I want your opinion on a few current Pop Issues.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

PS - almost forgot to mention the new photo of you and JT, can you make me one of me and David Amulet?

anandamide said...

dear sweet lordy lordy, beckeye....this is gold !!!!

Edge said...

Never quite understood the "Alice Cooper" thing. Adn what a bizzar (sp?) interview. Could he have been the first Michael Jackson?

~Jef

Mathdude said...

...then when I wake up I have 1/5 of gin for breakfast...

Bubs said...

Wow. WOW.

I hope you find some more gems like this one in those stacks.

Slave to the dogs said...

True story, he played at my mom's high school prom in '69.

My dad was playing the regiounal amateur band circuit at the time, as was Alice (or as my dad calls him, Vince), who hails from Phoenix. He's shared a few funny stories.

Are you sure he wrote that? I really don't picture the guy saying "nighty-nite" or "sleepy-time".

BeckEye said...

David - I'll pretend I didn't hear, er, read that.

Barbara - You can never go bad or back? One can ALWAYS go bad. It's never too late.

HV - I'll try to warn you next time!

Layla - Well, I was gonna make fun of you for thinking Alice is hot, but since you said you'd pay to read my blog, I won't. And I'll see what I can Photosop for ya.

Anandamide - You should scour the '70s teen mags for more homoerotic photos.

Edge - Hey, you can't put every weird looking guy who has animals into a box.

Mathdude - Wasn't Alice famous for NOT partying? No drugs and alcohol? Or am I thinking of Ted Nugent? Well, there's a part of that article that says he tries to live clean, but that could be bullshit.

Bubs - I hope so too!

Slave - The part where I said it totally wasn't written by a fresh-out-of-college 16 mag intern was my attempt at sarcasm. I'd bet all of my money (or someone else's, since I have none) that he had nothing to do with that piece!

Red said...

Who knew Alice was such a deep, sensitive guy?

The Guv'ner said...

There is something just serial killer disturbing about that....

And no mention of him having a supper of babies in blood sauce.

At least MATHDUDE filled in the blanks for the morning after.

Alice said...

HAAAAAAAAAAA oh wow. that was priceless. he's so... cute! and coy!

Falwless said...

Thanks for the upcoming nightmares.

Mike said...

I love Mr. Cooper. Naked pics with snakes....ummmm no.

Still one of my musical faves.

Leonesse said...

Cooper's dad is a preacher in Phoenix. I do not know if he always lived clean, but heard he has been for awhile. He's a squeaky clean golfer dad now. (Saw him in a black viper once in Snotsdale and much prefer that to this pic.)

Gifted Typist said...

That must have been before he became a born-again Republican

Gifted Typist said...

Hey, it's May 2, where's our Fire Crotch, slacker?

pistols at dawn said...

That is awesome. Nothing screams "dangerous rocker" like a love for freshly pressed linens.

I don't have a daughter, but I'm going to lock someone else's up just to be safe.

Chancelucky said...

This sort of sound like the I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates Alice Cooper. He was always very funny in his way.

Grant Miller said...

No more Mr. Nice guy.

Bluez said...

Alice has gotta be older than dirt. I saw him when I was in the 8th grade in St Louis 37 years ago? Holy crap I'm old. But he's older. He probably looks the same sans the hair and teeth.

Doc said...

I really hope this continues as a regular feature. This is some great stuff, as always Dear.

"I got You Under My Wheels!"

Doc

Beth said...

Saw him once at the Atlanta airport (my mama spotted him first). Not sexy. Not at all. And short.

 

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