Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:
Firecrotch: The Next Generation - Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth this morning, after only being knocked up for what seemed like a month. The bouncing baby girl was named Maddie. In future news: Maddie Spears is charged with an FUI for wrecklessly flying her jetpack through Hollywood. As part of her sentence, she enters Dr. Drew Pinski, Jr.'s rehab facility/tanning salon on Mars. A throng of robot photographers are on hand when she checks in, and they all luck out when she flashes her beav trying to get out of the police shuttle.
Ringo Starr Steals John Lennon's Act - Instead of wishing Ringo a "Happy Birthday" on July 7, the drummer is requesting that all Americans celebrate it as "Peace and Love Day," by saying "peace and love" in unison when the clock strikes noon. If Ringo really wanted this to work, he'd realize that the way to an American's heart is through paid time off. Unless he can see to it that Peace and Love Day becomes an official holiday, it's going to be war and hate as usual.
Pam and Tommy: Take Infinity - Seems that Pamela Anderson has moved back in with Tommy Lee and their two sons. Tommy told Rolling Stone, "It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together." Tommy, dude, I hate to break it to you but the kids' faces have been frozen in those same wide-eyed expressions ever since one of their buddies from school showed them your sex tape. They will never know true "happiness" again!
Guns N' Roses Are Back, Man! - DUDES!! Nine songs from the fabled G N' R album, Chinese Democracy, have been leaked to the Internet and...oh...hold up. Nope, they're gone. Were they ever really there or is this another publicity stunt/hoax? All I know is that if this record ever surfaces, it better be pretty damn groundbreaking if it's going to live up to 13 years of hype. It's gotta be at least as good as Eddie and The Cruisers' Season in Hell.
Base-a-ball Been Berry Berry Good To Some - Yahoo! Sports released its list of the most overpaid and underpaid people in baseball. Let me sum up. Most overpaid: All major league players and coaches. Most underpaid: Peanut vendors, organists, groundskeepers, ticket sellers, ticket takers, mascots, towel boys, seat ushers and, of course, the fans.
Firecrotch: The Next Generation - Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth this morning, after only being knocked up for what seemed like a month. The bouncing baby girl was named Maddie. In future news: Maddie Spears is charged with an FUI for wrecklessly flying her jetpack through Hollywood. As part of her sentence, she enters Dr. Drew Pinski, Jr.'s rehab facility/tanning salon on Mars. A throng of robot photographers are on hand when she checks in, and they all luck out when she flashes her beav trying to get out of the police shuttle.
Ringo Starr Steals John Lennon's Act - Instead of wishing Ringo a "Happy Birthday" on July 7, the drummer is requesting that all Americans celebrate it as "Peace and Love Day," by saying "peace and love" in unison when the clock strikes noon. If Ringo really wanted this to work, he'd realize that the way to an American's heart is through paid time off. Unless he can see to it that Peace and Love Day becomes an official holiday, it's going to be war and hate as usual.
Pam and Tommy: Take Infinity - Seems that Pamela Anderson has moved back in with Tommy Lee and their two sons. Tommy told Rolling Stone, "It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together." Tommy, dude, I hate to break it to you but the kids' faces have been frozen in those same wide-eyed expressions ever since one of their buddies from school showed them your sex tape. They will never know true "happiness" again!
Guns N' Roses Are Back, Man! - DUDES!! Nine songs from the fabled G N' R album, Chinese Democracy, have been leaked to the Internet and...oh...hold up. Nope, they're gone. Were they ever really there or is this another publicity stunt/hoax? All I know is that if this record ever surfaces, it better be pretty damn groundbreaking if it's going to live up to 13 years of hype. It's gotta be at least as good as Eddie and The Cruisers' Season in Hell.
Base-a-ball Been Berry Berry Good To Some - Yahoo! Sports released its list of the most overpaid and underpaid people in baseball. Let me sum up. Most overpaid: All major league players and coaches. Most underpaid: Peanut vendors, organists, groundskeepers, ticket sellers, ticket takers, mascots, towel boys, seat ushers and, of course, the fans.
Comments
(See what I did there? "Shells out"? Haha.)
Also, I'm dying for that GNR album. It has to be better than Velvet Revolver or Axl loses.
All athletes are overpaid, along with movie stars, crappy pop ensembles, and Bono.
The most overpaid people in basketball these days are the referees apparently.
I'm just happy for those two kids who just had a kid... well, um, I hope that poor baby is taken care of, you know.
Knot