Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Emma Gerbers of the Blogosphere, Unite!

Something called the Arte y Pico award has been bestowed upon me by both Genn (ages ago) and Deadspot (days ago) which, while much appreciated, is of questionable origin and is one of those dealios that forces me to play favorites with my blogroll by passing it on to a select few. I considered "forgetting" to have my little awards ceremony but I didn't want anyone getting pissed off at me for not observing Interweb etiquette. But I don't want people to get pissed for not including them in my list, either. This is quite the dilemma. How will I get out of this unscathed?

According to the (mysterious) designer of this award, "This prize has arisen from the daily visits that I dedicate to many blogs which nourish me and enrich me with creativity. In them, I see dedication, creativity, care, comradeship, but mainly, ART, much art. I want to share this prize with all those bloggers that entertain me day to day and to share this prize with those who enrich me every day."

Well, Prizemaster X gets no awards for that riveting paragraph.

Wondering what Arte y Pico meant, I looked it up and found that, obviously, "arte" means "art." Okay. But, what about "pico?" According to Wikipedia, "pico" is derived from the verb "picar," which has two meanings: 1) to mince or chop, and 2) to bite or sting. This is where I get confused. Am I supposed to reward bloggers for biting commentary on their topic of choice? Should this award go to cooking blogs? I don't know.

I decided that I would just pretend that it was created by some basement-dwelling nerd named Artie Y. Pico until it dawned on me to do a Google search for the award. I found the website of origin, which explains that the phrase "will never find its counterpart in English, but if it HAD to, it would be something like, Wow. The Best Art. Over the top." Well, okay, that does sound like me. Hell, T.H.E.Y. don't call me the Van Gogh of blogging for nothin'.

There's a bunch of other stuff on the site but it's all in Spanish. And like Ron Burgundy, you know I don't speak Spanish. English, please!

Without much further ado, here are the rules (in English and edited for grammatical integrity):

1. Pick 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award based on creativity, design, interesting material, and its contribution to the blogging community, regardless of language.

2. Each award should have the name of the author with a link to their blog.
(Oh, too bad, you! You know who you are, guy with the blog about the thing.)

3. Award winners have to post the award along with the name of the person who gave it to them and a link back to their blog.

4. Please include a link to the “Arte Y Pico” blog so that everyone will know where the award came from.
(I did. Hopefully, that gets me off the hook for my sarcastic remarks about it.)

5. Show these rules.
(Okay. Considering this even needed to be a rule, shouldn't it have been #1? Now I'm half-tempted to just post the picture with a caption of "Rules are there ain't no rules. It's to the 2nd bridge and back and the one who makes it here first wins.)

Of course, there is no rule about what to do if you receive this award more than once. Do the duplicate awards cancel each other out and now I don't have to do this at all? Do I have to do double the work and bestow the award on 10 blogs instead of 5? Or is it like an award squared, and I actually have to give it out to 25 blogs? Help me, Artie Y. Pico! Show me the way!

Two roads diverged in a wood and I...well, I took the easiest route.

Since I know a lot of people on my blogroll have already received this award, and I don't want to think too hard tonight, I give this award to EVERYONE on my blogroll. Yes! It may be a cop-out, but it's an admirable cop-out. Right? If you're on my blogroll, that obviously means that I think you're creative and interesting and that, even if you're not setting the blogosphere on fire, you contribute something to my world at least. Pretend this award is a tiara and I'm Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls. Everyone gets a piece. (No, not of Lindsay, stupid. The tiara.)

If you decide to pass this on, feel free to use my new, improved version of the award.

And Artie, don't be mad at me for modifying your award. I'm just displaying the creativity that won me this thing in the first place.

*kiss kiss*
Love ya! Later, beeyotches!


evilesb138 said...

I would like to thank the academy, my posse, my Mama, all the mutha fuc***g gangstas for keepin' it real, and of course Jesus.

Dr Zibbs said...

Even though the Arte De Pico is the poor man's TBY Postee, congrats

katrocket said...

Totally hilarious post - I like your Arte y Lohan version better than the original. Thanks for the award (I think), but I always thought these "awards" were really just poorly disguised ad campaigns to bring more attention to the "award designer"'s blog? See Dr. Zibbs for more details!

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Man, this is like the Award That Wouldn't Leave! It's been floating around for like 6 months! That Arte De Pico guy must've had 4 billion blog hits by now. I hope he has Google Ads turned on.

Falwless said...

I did it all without the help of Jesus. As Kathy Griffin says, "Suck it, Jesus!"

I am honored, BeckEye. Honestly. Honored and humbled. Honored and humbled and a little bit sick to my stomach from the excitement butterflies.

Ugh. Scuse me for a minute.

The Guv'ner said...

Haha awesome. As for Lindsay, everyone's HAD a piece of that already, surely?

Anonymous said...

I accepted your award, but I didn't do the thing where you're supposed to put rules up and all that stuff. Just let me bask in it before you ask me to do work, okay?

SkylersDad said...

Your award is much better, the pre-meltdown Lindsey is a nice touch.

Red said...

Lindsay is such an effing liar by the end of Mean Girls. I mean, she gives part of the tiara to that chubby girl and says she looks really pretty and, hello, she doesn't.

So, to you Becks, I say, "Boo. You whore."

Alice said...

your modified version gives the award that certain je ne sais quoi. i approve. :-)

Bond said...

See now, I would have accepted the award if it were you there and not Losey Notalent

words words words said...

This is the greatest honor I have ever received. And I wish I were lying.

BeckEye said...

Red - Yeah, that chubby girl? That would be Emma Gerber. How dare you, miss. How dare you.

Red said...

Becks - It was a joke. Obviously, I love Emma Gerber. She's adorable! But my favorite misc character is Bethany Byrd because "Most people think I'm lying about being a virgin because I prefer jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!" is the funniest effing line in that very, very funny movie.

Anonymous said...

Oh thank you! I'll see you at the awards banquet that you're required to host. Save a lamp chop for me would ya pumpkin?

reluctant said...

I've been waiting my whole blogging career for this.... from the bottom of my heart, thank you, BeckEye

Gifted Typist said...

Whoops, that last one was moi, not HER!

Distributorcap said...

i guess you should thank you piano teacher

bloody awful poetry said...

I am honoured beyond words. And also most humbled and happy-fied. I would like to thank my mom, the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Agency and Jake Gyllenhaal. Terima Kasih.

genn6 said...

Brilliant excuse! But so true, a person does end up on your blogroll for a reason...

Leonesse said...

Holy Jebus, you have a big roll. How do you have that much time in the day? How do you have time to stalk Michael?

Leonesse said...

Oh, and You like me! You really like me!

I would like to dedicate this award to.. CUE LOUD MUSIC.

Dale said...

Thank you for not singling out everyone but me for the award!!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

My mommy always said I was special, and now you do too!

pistols at dawn said...

Congrats to you and your new-found fame. Make sure to forget the little people, or other people won't know how effing famous you are now.


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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