Caption Crotch-test Contest #14

"Give it up for Wal-Mart's close out section!"


There's your winning caption, kids, supplied by Evil-E. I don't know, it's just the one that made me laugh the hardest. I mean, Jess does look a heckuva lot more like Novalee Nation than a pampered pop (er, country) star.

Honorable Mentions

Because "Jessica is dumb" jokes never get old:
"Now everybody sing with me on the count of three. One, twelve...uh, four..." - Cormac Brown

Because it's self-referential and I'm a narcissist (even though he put the damn apostrophe in the wrong place):
"So you four at the back took Pop Eye's 80's Movie Quiz ? I was wondering who did." - Pepe

Because it would have been the real winner if I wasn't afraid that it would get my blog an X rating:
Something that the Imaginary Reviewer said. It was perv-larious. Go read the comments.

Yes, yes, you first losers are all very funny. But the decision has been made. The torch has been passed. The short hairs have been singed. Enjoy it while it lasts Evil-E. Enjoy it while it lasts.


By the way, I really love when the winners don't have profile photos. That means I get to represent them in the best way I see fit.

Comments

Anonymous said…
"I am a talentless bimbo."

Hahaha, get it? You might have been expecting something humorous and insightful or maybe a snide comment, but I just told the truth and that was it! Nothing fancy! Hah hah! See how funny that is?
9/02/2008 7:39 PM
ÄsK AliCë said…
Finally realizing she can't sing (or dress), Jessica hands the mic over to the crowd
9/02/2008 7:43 PM
SkylersDad said…
Responding to questions from the crowd, Jessica answers that I only touch Romo's foaming meat probe with this finger and a little tongue.
9/02/2008 8:16 PM
Jenny Jenny Flannery said…
Heh-woh Cweeevewand!
9/02/2008 8:52 PM
Unknown said…
I'm a vampire now and I'm coming after you, BITCHES! Well...after my tongue piercing heals.
9/02/2008 10:30 PM
paperback reader said…
What if you became a zombie and nobody noticed?
9/02/2008 11:32 PM
Bar L. said…
She reminds me of Kirsti Allie in this pic. Don't have a caption but had to share that thought.
9/03/2008 12:13 AM
gennifer6 said…
She looks like a retarded person seeing something they like: "Puppy! Pup-pee! Puppeeeeee!"
9/03/2008 3:43 AM
Anonymous said…
"Give it up for Wal-Mart's close out section"

"This finger is still more than the total number of playoff wins my boy Tony has, right?"
9/03/2008 6:11 AM
Pepe Le Pew said…
"So you four at the back took Pop Eye's 80's Movie Quiz ? I was wondering who did . . . "
9/03/2008 8:05 AM
Anonymous said…
"See, if I open my mouth like this and hold on to the bed-post like this, you fit in perfectly."

Knot
9/03/2008 9:36 AM
Anonymous said…
"I need a bath, I need a bath! Now you sing"

Knot
9/03/2008 9:38 AM
katrocket said…
"The new Jessica Simpson blow-up doll was a big hit at the Clark County Fair."
9/03/2008 9:39 AM
KK said…
All the boys on the right go in my mouth. All you on the left, line up behind me.
9/03/2008 10:43 AM
Cormac Brown said…
"Now everybody sing with me on the count of three. One, twelve.............................................................................................................................uh, four."
9/03/2008 12:19 PM
Anonymous said…
Eww, yuck ya'll. Smell my finger.
9/03/2008 1:15 PM
Tootsie said…
And the last item from my divorce up for bid....Nick's dick....going once...going twice....Sold to the lady in the red dress!
9/03/2008 1:34 PM
MJenks said…
Plaid, the other white meat.
9/03/2008 3:06 PM
Vinny "Bond" Marini said…
"You over there...I will hold you like this and lick you like this"
9/03/2008 3:50 PM
Unknown said…
I got a new one but it's more of a visual thing! Here's the link.

http://picasaweb.google.com/kmantoni/Misc#5241886741307940946
9/03/2008 4:00 PM
The Imaginary Reviewer said…
Ms Simpson demonstrates the three ways she used to pleasure Nick: cock sucking, prostate stimulation and microphone penetration.
9/03/2008 7:24 PM
Gifted Typist said…
Gaaaah! That's not a mic in my hand; it's a dildo.
Who put that there?
9/03/2008 8:00 PM
*Renee* said…
'Cause I'm Ms.Homo, Opps I meant Ms. Romo yes I'm the real Romo,

All you other Miss Romo's are just imitating

So won't the real Ms.Homo (I did it again dang it) I mean Miss Romo please stand up,please stand up, please stand up?"

Performance brought to you by "Chicken of the Sea." Or is it tuna?!?! lol :)!
9/04/2008 2:54 AM
Doc said…
"You ought to see me square dance Be-otch!"

"I can't believe I'm finally on Hee Haw! Fuckin' A!"

Doc
9/04/2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous said…
Simpson singles two (un)lucky men out of the audience, each of which will receive a blowjob and a nasty case of an STD of their choice!
9/04/2008 11:19 AM
Slave to the dogs said…
Here's my best imitation of John Mayer's pencil dick!
9/04/2008 4:29 PM
Happy Villain said…
Place your bets: which smells more like "Chicken of the Sea?" Her finger, her microphone, or her tongue?
9/05/2008 2:15 AM
Anonymous said…
"Hello NASHVILLE!!! I'm here to SUCK YOUR BALLS!!! No, really, I'm here to suck your balls!"
9/05/2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous said…
I love the photo you supplied...I can definitely live with that.
9/08/2008 9:46 PM
Cormac Brown said…
Sigh...always the bridesmaid...no, wait a minute, dammit.

Always the bride's last fling, never the groom.
9/09/2008 10:16 AM
Vinny "Bond" Marini said…
Another contest...another day walking home empty handed....

Jessicaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Jessicaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
9/09/2008 4:24 PM
David Amulet said…
Oh, I like that winner. Very good!
9/09/2008 5:08 PM
Moderator said…
What's a guy gotta do to be a firecrotch? Or to at least be infected by one?
9/09/2008 6:05 PM
Barbara Bruederlin said…
Bravo! See, that's why I didn't even try. WHo can compete with that?
9/09/2008 7:09 PM
The Imaginary Reviewer said…
I was too rude? Hmm, you live and learn. I guess I'm just too used to Falwless's caption contests, where swears and naughty images get you extra points...
9/09/2008 9:55 PM
words...words...words... said…
Congrats to Evil-E. I couldn't even come up with a caption this time. All I could think of was how much she looked like Kirstie Alley in that picture.
9/10/2008 8:20 PM
Post a Comment