Friday, September 12, 2008

Get Your Filthy Politics out of My Pop Culture

By now, you all know that I pretty much steer clear of political topics. I'll give you a quick overview as to why.

It's not that I'm not interested in what's going on in the world, but I have an extreme dislike of most politicians. (Except Mike Gravel. I love that crazy bastard.) As an Independent, it riles me to hear the endless bickering between Democrats and Republicans, and nothing irks me more than people who think with their party's mind rather than their own. Twenty-four hour party people (not the fun kind) get so bogged down in finger-pointing and "I know you are but what am I" bullshit, that it always just seems like they care more about proving they're on the right side than doing what's right for the country.

You know how web designers say that if your page doesn't load in 8 seconds that people will lose interest? Yeah, well, when politicians can't answer a question or get to the point in under 8 minutes, I tune out. And since they all do that, I can't follow it and then I get stuck trying to hurriedly research everyone's stance on the issues 5 days before every election. This isn't my fault, it's theirs. The issues interest me. The political cesspool that surrounds them do not. So, all the snooty snootersons who like to look down on me for caring more about what's going on on The Office than inside the Oval Office can shove it.

Besides, those snooty snootersons are getting closer to my world than they realize. Politicians are the new celebutards, thanks in no small part to the public's sudden fascination with Republican vice presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. Think I'm a buffoon for writing about Britney getting knocked up? Okay. Would it make me look smarter if I wrote about Bristol getting knocked up?

I've heard and read countless items about Palin over the last couple weeks, and less than 2% of them have anything to do with her qualifications (or lack thereof) and stance on the issues (other than her love of guns and babies). All I know is...Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford thinks she's hot! Matt Damon thinks she's not! OMG, she totally looks like Tina Fey! Oprah hates her! Heart won't let her play "Barracuda!" She's a Steelers fan! No wait, she's a Seahawks fan! She's got great hair! Uggggh.

The most ridiculous bit I've heard recently is Palin's sudden elevation to fashion icon. According to the VP of eyewear distributor Italee Optics, Sarah Palin's $375 signature "rimless eyeglasses" are all the rage. (Even with men. Like, George Costanza, maybe?) Sales of the Palin frames have quadrupled in the last week, forcing the eyeglass elves to work 24/7 in order to meet demand. The red high heels that she wore to the RNC are also very popular now, and not just with Kellie Pickler. So hey, who really cares if Palin doesn't know what the Bush Doctrine is? She's fierce!

I guess this shouldn't be a huge surprise, since Hillary Clinton got a ton of attention for her never-ending rainbow of pantsuits. And, of course, every happening chick in the '60s wanted to borrow Jackie Kennedy's style. So, maybe all of this Palin worship isn't that shocking, but it's still stupid. Focusing on what (or who) politicians are wearing is just as much a waste of time as focusing on the political views of the Hollywood glitterati. But I get the feeling that women who wear the Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama costumes think that they're somehow better than ones who follow the fashion choices of Sarah Michelle Gellar. Why? I liken these women to girls who wear pink football jerseys. They really don't know anything about football, but they want to be involved and look cute at the same time. Really. If you care more about looking at the world through Palin's snazzy glasses than examining her world view, you're no political whiz yourself. I bet you don't know what the Bush Doctrine is either.

Ooh, ooh! Wait, I know! It has something to do with Gavin Rossdale, right? Like, he'll rule the country someday, maybe? That's cool!

Noooo, stoopid. It's, like, that law that says the paps have the right to take pictures of your bush if you don't take preventive measures to cover it. Gosh! You should know this by now.

P.S. That fake Vogue cover is not my handiwork. Come on, it's good, but my Photoshopping is so much better. Because I'm awesome! Everyone, start dressing like me!


The Imaginary Reviewer said...

A Gavin Rossdale reference? Your blog gets better and better!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I've been dressing like you ever since I started reading your blog. Those vintage Squeeze tees look really good on me too.

Editor said...

the Bush doctorine? wow, i didn't think he HAD a doctrine, much less named after him. when i first heard that term by the venerable Charlie Gibson, i about feel out of my chair (Bush had a doctrine?) but when i saw Charlie treat Palin like a dumbass for not knowing, i thought that he was rude. why is it that news anchors want to cause candidates (any of them) to commit a gaffe so badly? because somehow, news anchors must think it makes them seem smart...foolish people....

genn6 said...

I'm a 24-hour-party-person, the fun kind and the snooty-snooterson kind. I wish there was a way that people like me could filter through all the bullshit and just lay out political issues nice and clean for everybody else. We can reduce 8-minute answers to a simple yes or no; the only people wasting their time paying attention are the political nerds that enjoy wasting their time on this stuff and everybody else just gets straight answers.
Politics is boring, having "rock stars" like Sarah Palin and Barack Obama gives people something fun and exciting to pay attention to.
And I hate to admit it, but there will be people who vote for John McCain just because Sarah Palin is hot, or because they liked her red heels. I have a friend who insists she's not voting for "that Osama guy" because of his name. People really are that damn dumb sometimes.

Seahawks fan? I'm guessing that has no consequence for you either?? Holmgren and Hasselebeck are former Packers, but that's all I've got riding on that one.

Kristi Mantoni said...

I'd dress like you but that sequin number in your profile pic is just too risky for the office!!

cube said...

For an apolitical post, you sure got a lot of shots in at Palin, but it's OK. She can take it.

Can I expect an apolitical post about Nobama in the near future? On second thought, you might make him cry.

BTW which iteration of the Bush Doctrine do you mean ... 2000?, post 9/11?, pre-Iraq war? 2004? Palin was right to seek clarification for Asshat's nebulous question.

OK, my screed is over. Back to the baggy pants farce.

Dr Zibbs said...

I hear you. Blogger should make it impossible to blog about politics, sports or kittens. Or at least the blog that I follow.

Anonymous said...

When do we just put the candidates into a steel cage and let them fight the death? Maybe we'll start having a talent contest, but we can stop short of the swimsuit competition.

evilesb138 said...

I am an independent as well. It saddens me when my folks have even succumb to this stupidity. My mom could not stand O Blah Blah during the primaries (they are Dems for life)and was all in Hitlary's corner. But, after BO became the candidate, the tune changed and he became not so bad. Party line thinking is old and tired and will keep this country in the stone ages.

we need more choices...shit vs shit is not a choice

M@ said...

That's what you get for getting your news from People and Tiger Beat, you. :)

Leonesse said...

Amen, sister.

Chancelucky said...

so let's say the Bush Doctrine is a little amorphous...
You know Hillary would have answered that Bush Doctrine question by saying, by Bush Doctrine, you mean this or did you maybe mean this....then actually answered it.

I agree Sarah Palin is the next step in the merger between politics and entertainment or is it "celebrity".
We need to keep the two apart or at least know which part actually matters when we vote. It scares the hell out of me that a vice presidential candidate clearly didn't know the difference between the cost of running an agency and entitlements in the budget process.
I guess Jamie Lynn Spears will run in 2020.

words words words said...

I want to do the "one guy stands up and claps slowly and then everyone gradually joins in" thing for this post. I really think you hit on something with the celebutarding of politics. You should expand it and write a real article about it for that other place!

But that said...good gravy, Sarah does have her some awesome hair.

BeckEye said...

IR - My blog is better than the rest. I think it has something to do with my machinehead.

Barbara - Sadly, I don't have any vintage Squeeze tees. So I guess I should start dressing like you!

Editor - I guess news anchors have every right to ask interviewees those "pop quiz" type of questions, but their innate smugness really doesn't impress everyone. Just like most politicians are full of shit, most TV talking heads are full of themselves.

Genn6 - Well, according to what I heard, Palin was a Seahawks fan first and then she switched allegiance to the Steelers. Nothing pisses me off more than a bandwagon hopper!

Kristi - That's true. That's not my real style though. Michael picked that one out.

Cube - Okay, see, now you're kind of proving my whole point. You're a Republican and you responded like a Republican. What shots did I take at Palin? The worst thing I said about HER specifically was that she didn't know what the Bush doctrine was, but it wasn't even put in the context of tearing her qualifications apart. I specifically used it as an example of how a lot of people don't care about her qualifications as long as she's wearing kick-ass heels or sporting a cool hairdo.

The whole post centered on how I hardly know anything about this woman, because everything I've heard about her has been about her fashion choices, her "baby drama," or celebrities' opinions of her. I know I don't agree with her position on abortion, but I didn't even mention that here. Nearly all of my shots were aimed at the media, politics in general, and stupid people who would base their vote on a pair of eyeglasses. And while it's true that Obama has been turned into something of a "rock star," the celebrifying of politicians have never been more apparent than in the case of Sarah Palin. Although it may have all started with Bubba playing the saxophone on the Arsenio Hall show. Maybe they'll get Palin to be a guest judge on ANTM, since she has the beauty queen experience and all.

Dr. Zibbs - Well now, 2 out of 3 ain't bad. I would never post about kittens! Unless you count this.

Aliencg - Maybe we can stop short of the talent competition. Just put them all in the steel cage and leave them there. Anarchy!

Evil - When I was, like, 15, I told my Dad (a Republican now turned Independent, but still very conservative) that I thought the President and the VP should be from different parties, so that everyone would be forced to work together. He said, "Aaaaaaah, that'll never work!!" Then, last year, I discovered Unity08. Hmm, sounded familiar! Of course, it didn't work, but I don't see any reason why it SHOULDN'T.

M@ - Is Tiger Beat still around? If so, I have to renew my subscription.

Leoness - Bless you, child.

Chancelucky - Jamie Lynn and Bristol are apparently buds now, so she could get her foot in the political door. Don't even joke about that. :)

WWW - I love the slow clap. I love that guy in Not Another Teen Movie who keeps looking for the right moment to do it.

Robert Rouse said...

Damn, and I went and mixed politics with pop culture in my latest video. Sorry to make you cry over Daffy, but I am one of those finger pointers. I can't help myself. It's a disease I tell you. I keep breaking out in moral outrage.

Pasadena Closet Conservative said...

Don't fret too much over the loony sexist Libs. You're one of us, and we're happy to have you!

Pepe Le Pew said...

Sarah Palin's my hero. A pro gun animal killing politician, just the type of girl im looking for.

Her daughter is a walking talking sex ed campaign and the icing on the cake ?

Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt, because she can throw a bullet through an adult Moose without flinching.

Now thats a woman!

Gifted Typist said...

I'm lovin' your politico-commentary
Keep it up - you're the next Dowd!

BeckEye said...

Robert - It's okay. But don't be surprised if I make my own video of me crying through my heavy eyeliner to "LEAVE DAFFY ALONE!!"

PCC - I'm one of who now?

Pepe - I hear she's hunting skunks now. You better watch out.

GT - Yeah, I don't know who you're referring to. Yet another reason I don't blog about politics.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I'd vote for Gavin is he were running in this silly race. Well see ya later I'm off to pick up my new glasses and read heels.

Scott said...

I've been DYING to write about politics on my blog. For the past 12 months, I've been interested in little else. I come home from work and watch 3 hours of political commentary every night. I can't write about it, though, because I feel so strongly about political issues that I'm almost getting to the point where I can't even respect anyone who disagrees with my beliefs... so, it's better to not even open the door to such a discussion.

But, to make an apolitical pop culture reference, that SNL skit was absolutely brilliant.


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