Sparks of Mediocrity

Well, folks, the end of the work week has arrived. I have no plans for the weekend right now, but I know exactly what I WON'T be doing. I won't be forking over $12 to see Nights in Rodanthe.

You know, I have never read a Nicholas Sparks book or seen any of the movie versions of said books, but I hate this guy with the heat of a thousand clichéd, passionate, doomed love affairs. Girls like Britney and Paris, who are only famous for sex kittenry, actually piss me off less than this guy. I suppose it's because I'm a writer and not a whore that his fame offends me so. He's like the Zoolander of authors. The man has only one book, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? A Walk to Remember? The Notebook? Message in a Bottle? They're all the same thing! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

I invented the piano key necktie!

Comments

words...words...words... said…
Amen. AMEN. While we're on the topic of "people in your desired line of work that suck ass", can I add Adam Sandler, Dane Cook and whoever the hell writes Matthew McConaughey's "romantic" "comedies"?
9/20/2008 12:47 AM
Distributorcap said…
so what movie should i see?
9/20/2008 6:09 AM
Anonymous said…
He's like the female Danielle Steel. Just insert new character names and send to publisher. I will send you my $12.00. Would you like that in small bills?
9/20/2008 8:23 AM
Dr Zibbs said…
Zoolanders for authors - good one. I saw Ghose Town. It was OK because Ricky Gervais is so good but Kinear? Annoying.
9/20/2008 11:09 AM
Alice said…
i am pleased to report i've never seen ANY of those movies. i mean aside from zoolander, of course.
9/20/2008 11:43 AM
Joe said…
I'm going to see Burn After Reading. He didn't write that.
9/20/2008 12:41 PM
Anonymous said…
We were just talking about this movie last night--how does his crap get made?
9/20/2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous said…
I've never heard of this author or book or movie. It must be a chick flick thing.
9/20/2008 1:17 PM
The Imaginary Reviewer said…
I agree with Aliencg. I've no idea who this guy is. From the comments I'm guessing it's a Romance-novel-by-numbers kind of thing. Like all of my relationships.
9/20/2008 1:48 PM
Barbara Bruederlin said…
I'm going to see stuff nobody else will ever see, at the film festival. And I get good popcorn at the old movie houses.
9/20/2008 4:58 PM
paperback reader said…
I think this criticism is pretty unfair - the guy writes really good, powerful love stories for the modern age.

Oh, Christ, even I can't pretend I don't hate this guy just based on the people who liked The Notebook. It's authors like this that make me question my anti-book burning stance.

And no, I haven't seen any of the movies or read any of the books, but like Two and a Half Men, I just know I hate it.
9/20/2008 6:21 PM
Red said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
9/21/2008 2:07 AM
Red said…
You know what? I loathe Nicholas Sparks with the fire of a thousand suns, but The Notebook is a good movie, thanks mainly to Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. So you can all suck it.
9/21/2008 2:09 AM
Happy Villain said…
Haha! Thanks for this. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Whenever a patron approaches me at work and they're all whiny and annoying, don't know what they want, have half a dozen kids they don't pay attention to, and they want me to recommend something, I give them Nicholas Sparks. To me, this is a punishment, but given how popular he is, I'm starting to wonder if the world is this dumb and easily placated or if we're all just trying to inflict more punishment on other people.
9/21/2008 11:28 AM
Cup said…
If I were drunk, I'd kiss you right now.
9/21/2008 9:37 PM
katrocket said…
You're awesome when you go all Mugatu.

PS - love your new 'Kira' pic!
9/22/2008 7:29 AM
MJenks said…
My wife notices this. She hates the fact that she has to sell his shit to others.

Apparently, she had a circus this weekend with the Nights of Rodanthe. I was upset when I learned that they misspelled knights, and then my interest waned. Quickly.

Also, sorry about the Steelers. If I was still following a team in the NFL, they would have lost for the first time this weekend, too. At the hands of Tony Romo, no less. *pukes a little just saying that*
9/22/2008 9:39 AM
Jenna said…
I'm with you on this. I was forced into watching "The Notebook" years ago, and while Ryan and Rachel are undoubtedly the hottest thing ever, the film was unbearable.

Yet he keeps writing because people keep reading. Somehow he still has an audience. I blame Oprah.
9/22/2008 4:48 PM
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