Thursday, October 30, 2008

My Super Sweet 16 + Euro Trailer Trash = Wedding of the Year!

Right in time for Halloween comes this story...scarier than any haunted house or slasher flick. (My first instinct was to assume that this is a joke, but I haven't found any evidence of that sort.)

Missy Quinn, a 16-year-old upscale trailer park honey, married her 17-year-old boyfriend in a lavish ceremony costing £100,000 (roughly $165,000), paid for by the bride's daddy. The hefty pricetag included food and drink for 150 guests, a £500 crystal bouquet, and a £16,000 bridal "gown," a tacky ensemble rivaling any club gear hanging in Christina Aguilera's closet.

There are many questions that I asked myself after reading this article, but the first was, "How does a 35-year-old man who surfaces driveways for a living possibly afford to pay for all this crap?" Is "driveway surfacer" a lucrative career path across the pond? Does this guy surface the driveway at Buckingham Palace? Is there a driveway at Buckingham Palace?

Apparently, this family is a bunch of nomads who travels around in a caravan (fancy name for trailer) all summer, so someone must have pushed a relative down a flight of steps and inherited a shit-ton of money at some point. I highly doubt that the driveway surfacing business is a goldmine. Even if it is, if the guy is taking scenic tours of the UK every summer, how much work is he doing? Wouldn't most people want to have their driveways resurfaced in the summer, to prepare for the winter months and maybe take care of any weather damage from the year before? When does this guy work? The last two weeks of September? Driveway surfacer, my ass. Looking at the picture of him and his wife, I'm guessing that they're somehow involved in the adult industry and "driveway surfacer" is just a cheeky euphemism.

The porn angle certainly would help explain much of this story...like how it happened in the first place. I'm not so surprised by the fact that a man would spend a obscene amount of money on his daughter, because that happens all the time. There is no shortage of bratty little rich kids who get everything they want. But how any parent could not only allow and celebrate their underage daughter's marriage to an underage boy, but view it as something to be proud of completely baffles me.

I'm also baffled that this wedding took place in a Catholic church. When my Dad was marrying my Mom, the priest at his church wouldn't marry them simply because my Mom was Lutheran. A friend of mine who had lived in Erie, PA for a few years wanted to get married in Pittsburgh, and she talked to a priest who, in no uncertain terms, told her that she would have to join the church in order to be married there but that they "weren't taking any new members" anyway. Rigidity - it's the Catholic way, right? Well, St. Mary's of Cheshire didn't seem to have a problem with hitching up a couple of clueless teenagers and welcoming the scantily-clad wedding party and congregation. Maybe British Catholics are more laid-back? Of course, it's more likely that the church rules change depending on the state of the collection plate.

My favorite part of this story was a quote from a twenty-something guest, who wore a £700 bra and hotpants outfit. She said, "This isn't unusual - it's just what we do at weddings."

Interesting. I've been in nine weddings, and a guest at several others. I've never worn or spotted anyone else wearing a bra and hotpants ensemble. I've never been to a wedding (or anywhere, for that matter) where tweens were walking around in bikini tops and high heels. I've never been to a wedding where the parents of the bride were younger than me. And I've never been to a wedding where everyone in attendance deserved to either be committed or burned at the stake. I guess I've been missing out.

15 comments:

Heather said...

Driveway resurfacing while driving around in a trailer all summer with underage marriages - sounds like the "gypsies" to me. (Truly mean no offense to true gypsies.)

Did you ever see the show "The Riches"? Based on the group of families in the south that run scams for a living. Sounds like the British version to me.

SkylersDad said...

Did you catch her mom's display of the boobage? I wonder where the little tart gets it?

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Yeah, but that story was in the Daily Heil (if Fox News was a British Newspaper it would be the Daily Heil), so it can't be true.

Red said...

Yeah. Heather's right. Sounds like gypsies. There was a documentary about these people a few years go. They are nutters.

Tony Alva said...

Irish Travelers are a known group of gypsy scam artists that are prevalent on both continents. If you google 'Irish Travelers' the second entry down is 'Cons, Frauds, and Other Lies' and worth a read. I remember seeing a documentary a long time ago about their community in South Carolina. These asshats put the FLDS to shame. Child brides a plenty. Sick, sick shit. ALL of them scam artists. Their main scam back a decade ago: that's right, paving driveways. Certainly explains the bankroll.

Nice boobies though...

Fancy Schmancy said...

I'm so glad someone posted on this. I saw it this morning and was aghast until I realized they were "travellers". I really thought they were "guidos" from New Jersey at first. No offense to any Italian people. (New Jersey, eh, what can I say?) How old do you have to be in the UK to get breast implants?

Falwless said...

So much to say, but you said it all already. This is effing nuts.

Chancelucky said...

Some things are too weird to try to comment on. This may be one of them.

words words words said...

I never get invited to FUN weddings!

pistols at dawn said...

Finally, a family I could marry into.

Knot said...

Remember the Brits broke from the Catholic Church so that Henry 8 could divorce his wife. Basically, Anglicans are in business to marry and divorce at will.

Knot

dguzman said...

"This isn't unusual. We're always trashy."

Barbara Bruederlin said...

What's an upscale trailer park? It didn't realize there were degrees of trailerparkdom.

doherty said...

i was at the wedding and she was dress lovely the wedding never cost that much that was lies the girl did say eneything about how much it cost they put that in so the can sell more you are doing the rong thing by saying bad thing about her and her mover and father they want a quit wedding

Anonymous said...

we dont just travel england we go 2 europe scandanavia usa astralie weare ever we fell like

 

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