Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Bucking For That Unpaid Internship at Gawker.com

So, last night I represented Starpulse at a screening party for the new Oxygen reality show Pretty Wicked. (I have no photographic evidence of this because my stupid camera decided to commit suicide. It must not like reality TV.) Also in attendance were host CariDee English, America's Next Top Model winner from season 7, and judge Mia Tyler, model, author, Steven's daughter/Liv's sister.

I was looking forward to meeting CariDee, since she has always been one of my favorites from ANTM. So, of course, I didn't actually get a chance to meet her. I talked to Mia for a little bit though, and she was very cool and down-to-earth. I still can't believe that she's a size 12 or 14 and is considered a plus-sized model. But I'd better not get started on that topic.

The show was pretty interesting. Like Charm School, but with some actual charm. We weren't shown who got the boot in the first episode, so even though I'm on about 3 hours sleep, I'll probably tune in tonight to check it out. Oxygen. Tonight. 11:00 pm. Be there...or at least be breathlessly awaiting my American Idol recap.

Keeping the ANTM cast member sightings rolling, I spotted "noted fashion photographer" and sexy piece of man meat, Nigel Barker, in Chelsea Market today. (As it happens, Oxygen's HQ is in the same building, so that's where last night's premiere party was held. I also have lunch there practically every day, which might explain why I'm always broke.)

Upon seeing Nigel's deliciousness, I considered my options. I could:
A) Smile with my eyes and hope he'd notice me.
B) Go up to him and say, "Hey, I saw CariDee last night and she told me to ask you if you still have that stick up your ass." (This joke would kill in regular-ANTM-watching circles.)
C) Start humping his leg.

I'm sorry to report that I chose Option D) None of the above. After all these years, I still haven't mastered the art of smiling with my eyes. And if I try too hard, I lose control of my bladder.

I can't wait to see what ANTM-related hijinx is in store for me tomorrow! I could step in Nole Marin's dog's crap, you never know.


words words words said...

I have never heard of any of the people you mentioned, yet I remain very impressed at (and jealous of) your side gig!

Soda and Candy said...

Sigh... Nigel.

You should have gone for Option E) - In a ladylike and coy manner, offer to have his babies. Right there.

Anonymous said...

He's so hot it hurts.

How did you not hump his leg? You must tell me the secret to your amazing will power!

Yeah, I feel you on the whole Being Broke Because I Eat Out Every Single Mother Effing Day But I Just Can't Quit Cuz, Like, Who Wants To Eat Alone Like A Dork?

SkylersDad said...

Bwaaaa ha ha ha, I was going to tell you that you should have gone ahead with the leg humping, and now my word verification is "cling"!

How perfect is that?

LiLu said...

Mmmmm... Nigel...

Sorry, you lost me there for a minute...

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I probably would have chosen option C, as I am a sucker for a gorgeous man with an accent.

Don't judge me.

red said...

You lucky bitch!

Alice said...

oh my LANDS you saw noted fashion photographer nigel barker?? i would have lost control of my senses. he's a very, very pretty man.

Anonymous said...

Hey back off woman. Nigel is mine.

Gifted Typist said...

Eeks, I've never heard of any of them either.

jennster said...

LOL- you definitely should have molested him, or started grabbing at his crotch and telling him you can't help yourself. next time, eh?

Kristi Mantoni said...

The CariDee joke would have been AWESOME!!!

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Sounds like you're having a grand time schmoozing with celebs. You can do the eye smile ... just practice, it really works!

I like Mia, read her book. Its disgusting that they call her a plus size model at size 12 or 14!! Hello! Lane Bryant doesn't even carry anything under a 14/16

J. Hi said...

OMG, Nigel!! I probably would have done the pretend trip onto him then lick his face move.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Maybe you could have lunch with Tyra sometime and she could show you the secrets of smiling with your eyes. And possibly also give you the flyest weave.

golublog said...

Nigel is oh so gorgeous. He makes bald look good.


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