Sometimes when I read the entertainment mags, I have a hard time remembering what year it is. Like, my calendar claims it's 2009, yet the cast of Seinfeld is on the cover of this week's EW. There's talk of a Heathers TV series. And there is a Twilight Zone movie in the works.
They're Back, Baby! - Yes, Seinfeld is returning. But not in the way that you might think. And certainly not in some cheesy Brady Bunch-style reunion special that would find Jerry and Elaine getting married, George winning the lottery and buying the Yankees, Newman being named
Postmaster General, and Kramer coming out (revealing Bob Sacamano as his long-time lover, of course). Knowing that a traditional reunion episode is probably the worst idea ever (aside from making a three-hour Seinfeld movie), co-creator Larry David came up with a novel way of bringing the gang back to life: a "fake" reunion on David's HBO sitcom, Curb Your Enthusiasm. It sounds like not only a great plan to appease Seinfeld lovers, but also to boost Curb's own ratings (even though the hilarious show isn't really hurting for viewers). The five-episode story arc (beginning on October 4) will revolve around Larry trying to win back his estranged wife by masterminding the Seinfeld reunion. I'm actually very excited about this. It's really the only way to bring back the show without actually bringing it back and ruining our collective memory of its greatness.
Someone Had a Brain Tumor for Breakfast - From an idea that is "so very" to one that is just so wrong...Variety recently reported that a small-screen version of Heathers is in the works, co-written by Jenny Bicks of Sex and the City fame. Although Bicks is responsible for one of my favorite SATC episodes ever ("A Woman's Right to Shoes"), I don't really have faith that a 46-year-old woman can tap into the darkly humorous minds of Heathers' teens. And bringing a hit movie to television never works. Remember Clueless? Fast Times? Ferris Bueller (poor, lovely Charlie Schlatter)? Apparently, the movie has to suck for the TV version to be any good, like in the case of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Submitted for Your Approval - Warner Bros. and Appian Way (Leonardo DiCaprio's production company) have plans to bring yet another update of The Twilight Zone to the big screen. As a huge TZ geek, I have mixed feelings about this.
On one hand, I wasn't a huge fan of the 1983 movie. While the first and last segments were well done, I was ambivalent about the "Kick the Can" update, and absolutely furious with the hatchet job done on the classic "It's A Good Life." I've also been underwhelmed by both TV reboots of the series, even though they have both produced a few gems (and the 2002-2003 update even features an episode with yummy Jeremy Sisto).
On the other hand, as I just said, the various tries at updates have occasionally had good results. And good stories are good stories. If the filmmakers respect the brilliance of the original tales and don't try to get too fancy or dumb them down for a sex and violence loving audience, there is really no reason why a TZ movie couldn't work. And I actually prefer the idea of remaking classic episodes to writing a new group of stories and slapping a Twilight Zone title on it. Mainly because if the new stuff sucks, I don't want it lumped in with the wonderful work done by great writers like Rod Serling, Richard Matheson, and Charles Beaumont, among others. Their stories are timeless. All that might be improved upon now are some of the hammy performances and the production and effects that were lacking back in the early-'60s.
In the spirit of positivity, I'd like to offer Leo & co. my suggestions for four original TZ episodes that could benefit from a remake:
1. Twenty-Two - This is TZ's take on the classic "room for one more" urban legend, in which a hospitalized dancer has prophetic dreams about her impending death. I'd always loved the legend and, although it should have been a slam-dunk for TZ, it's something of a disappointment for three main reasons: it's one of the few eps shot on videotape, Barbara Nichols is horribly grating in the lead role, and the big explosion at the end has all the drama of someone lighting a fart.
2. The Invaders - A really good idea that just turns out to be lame (even though a lot of other TZ geeks would disagree). The combination of Agnes Moorehead's incessant grunting, large lack of dialogue, and cheesy look of the aliens puts this one near the bottom of my favorites list, yet I can still see its potential to be something great.
3. One More Pallbearer - I've always basically liked this story, but something gets lost in the execution. Also, none of the actors are very interesting. But I think bringing this to the big screen today would be appropriate, since it centers on a very immature, entitled man who blames everyone but himself for the problems in his life, and is hell bent on making them apologize. That sounds like, well, just about everyone these days. And hey, I bet Leo himself could do a great job as the lead character. (I'm not saying he's a jerk, just a good actor.)
4. The Trade-Ins - Another essentially good plot that loses a little something in the translation and another that would be even more appropriate in today's image-conscious society, as it deals with a company that has perfected body swapping. An elderly couple visits the place to trade in their old shells for newer, younger ones but discovers that they can only afford one. Perhaps they could get Michael Douglas and CZJ to star in this one? (Sorry, that's my quasi-lesbian jealousy flaring up again.)
They're Back, Baby! - Yes, Seinfeld is returning. But not in the way that you might think. And certainly not in some cheesy Brady Bunch-style reunion special that would find Jerry and Elaine getting married, George winning the lottery and buying the Yankees, Newman being named
Postmaster General, and Kramer coming out (revealing Bob Sacamano as his long-time lover, of course). Knowing that a traditional reunion episode is probably the worst idea ever (aside from making a three-hour Seinfeld movie), co-creator Larry David came up with a novel way of bringing the gang back to life: a "fake" reunion on David's HBO sitcom, Curb Your Enthusiasm. It sounds like not only a great plan to appease Seinfeld lovers, but also to boost Curb's own ratings (even though the hilarious show isn't really hurting for viewers). The five-episode story arc (beginning on October 4) will revolve around Larry trying to win back his estranged wife by masterminding the Seinfeld reunion. I'm actually very excited about this. It's really the only way to bring back the show without actually bringing it back and ruining our collective memory of its greatness.
Someone Had a Brain Tumor for Breakfast - From an idea that is "so very" to one that is just so wrong...Variety recently reported that a small-screen version of Heathers is in the works, co-written by Jenny Bicks of Sex and the City fame. Although Bicks is responsible for one of my favorite SATC episodes ever ("A Woman's Right to Shoes"), I don't really have faith that a 46-year-old woman can tap into the darkly humorous minds of Heathers' teens. And bringing a hit movie to television never works. Remember Clueless? Fast Times? Ferris Bueller (poor, lovely Charlie Schlatter)? Apparently, the movie has to suck for the TV version to be any good, like in the case of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.Submitted for Your Approval - Warner Bros. and Appian Way (Leonardo DiCaprio's production company) have plans to bring yet another update of The Twilight Zone to the big screen. As a huge TZ geek, I have mixed feelings about this.
On one hand, I wasn't a huge fan of the 1983 movie. While the first and last segments were well done, I was ambivalent about the "Kick the Can" update, and absolutely furious with the hatchet job done on the classic "It's A Good Life." I've also been underwhelmed by both TV reboots of the series, even though they have both produced a few gems (and the 2002-2003 update even features an episode with yummy Jeremy Sisto).On the other hand, as I just said, the various tries at updates have occasionally had good results. And good stories are good stories. If the filmmakers respect the brilliance of the original tales and don't try to get too fancy or dumb them down for a sex and violence loving audience, there is really no reason why a TZ movie couldn't work. And I actually prefer the idea of remaking classic episodes to writing a new group of stories and slapping a Twilight Zone title on it. Mainly because if the new stuff sucks, I don't want it lumped in with the wonderful work done by great writers like Rod Serling, Richard Matheson, and Charles Beaumont, among others. Their stories are timeless. All that might be improved upon now are some of the hammy performances and the production and effects that were lacking back in the early-'60s.
In the spirit of positivity, I'd like to offer Leo & co. my suggestions for four original TZ episodes that could benefit from a remake:
1. Twenty-Two - This is TZ's take on the classic "room for one more" urban legend, in which a hospitalized dancer has prophetic dreams about her impending death. I'd always loved the legend and, although it should have been a slam-dunk for TZ, it's something of a disappointment for three main reasons: it's one of the few eps shot on videotape, Barbara Nichols is horribly grating in the lead role, and the big explosion at the end has all the drama of someone lighting a fart.
2. The Invaders - A really good idea that just turns out to be lame (even though a lot of other TZ geeks would disagree). The combination of Agnes Moorehead's incessant grunting, large lack of dialogue, and cheesy look of the aliens puts this one near the bottom of my favorites list, yet I can still see its potential to be something great.
3. One More Pallbearer - I've always basically liked this story, but something gets lost in the execution. Also, none of the actors are very interesting. But I think bringing this to the big screen today would be appropriate, since it centers on a very immature, entitled man who blames everyone but himself for the problems in his life, and is hell bent on making them apologize. That sounds like, well, just about everyone these days. And hey, I bet Leo himself could do a great job as the lead character. (I'm not saying he's a jerk, just a good actor.)
4. The Trade-Ins - Another essentially good plot that loses a little something in the translation and another that would be even more appropriate in today's image-conscious society, as it deals with a company that has perfected body swapping. An elderly couple visits the place to trade in their old shells for newer, younger ones but discovers that they can only afford one. Perhaps they could get Michael Douglas and CZJ to star in this one? (Sorry, that's my quasi-lesbian jealousy flaring up again.)
Comments
Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
Delicious...
Candy - Pinch.
CDP - Ah yes, I remember that one. One of the good ones from the '80s revival. I couldn't believe Ms. Ellie would have done such a dirty deed!
I was very bummed about this. I live for EW. :)
The arc for Curb will explode the ratings - though, as you point out it is hardly needed.
I think the psychological stories would work best today. Maybe "And When The Sky Was Opened" or as you said, "One More Pallbearer". There's another one I really like that I can't come up with the title of. It had a bunch of people quarantined in a diner while an alien is suspected of being in the neighborhood. That one would work well too.
Oh, and "And When the Sky is Opened" is OFF LIMITS. That is one of my favorite episodes, and near perfect in every way. Although, I could be persuaded into thinking that it's a good thing if they put, say, Ewan McGregor in Rod Taylor's role, Hugh Jackman in Charles Aidman's, and uh...Timothy Hutton in James Hutton's. Oh, screw that family values shit. Give the role to Sisto. SISTO!
Anyway...that diner ep was "Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?" and is a classic that should not be tinkered with.
I'm also a big fan of TZ, but I disagree about the remakes. They should go find some new stories, preferably good ones, and shoot a new generation of creepy TZ.
Rumor has it that Heathers will also be a ....*shudder*...Broadway musical.
I was too busy shaking with disgust to try and figure out all the factors involved. All I kept repeating over and over again was WTF????