Thursday, September 24, 2009

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Mackenzie Phillips is Tired of People Not Knowing Who Mackenzie Phillips Is - As many D-list celebs do when they're not getting enough attention, former One Day at a Time star Mackenzie Phillips has written a tell-all book, which includes claims that she had an incestuous, half consensual/half non-consensual affair with Papa John Phillips. Of course now everyone is taking sides - incest victims are showing support, cynics are raising eyebrows, sister Chynna believes, and Mama Michelle ain't buying it. Since Papa John isn't alive to defend himself and Mackenzie isn't the most trustworthy person on the planet, who knows if we'll ever know the full truth. When Mackenzie appeared on TODAY this morning to promote the book and tell her crazy story, she admitted that she was totally high on her last appearance on TODAY but she wasn't this time. For realsies. You can take that to the bank, Meredith Viera! Which is where Mack will be, laughing and counting all the money that this scandal will net her.

Lily Allen Takes Her Ball and Goes Home - Brit singer Lily Allen (aka The Girl Who Ruined "Up the Junction" for No Good Reason) recently announced that she is quitting the music biz, following harsh criticism from visitors to her anti-piracy blog. Allen had set up the blog to bemoan the death of the music industry at the hands of file sharing scum, but forgot about mix tapes she had posted to, which included the copyrighted works of other artists. She tried to explain it away by claiming that those tapes were posted years ago, before she understood "the workings of the music industry." After boat loads of commenters visited her blog to call her on her bullshit, she Twittered that she was shutting down the blog and never making another album. I can't say that I'll miss her. I mean, anyone who can't find inspiration while sitting in a room alone with Damon Albarn can't have too much to offer the world.

No Retirement Party Planned for the Boss - Bruce Springsteen turned 60 yesterday and even though he might feel like those years passed in the wink of a young girl's eye, his glory days are far from being over. Unlike a lot of "dinosaur rockers," Bruce has never been content to rest on his laurels. He's still putting out thoughtful, relevant music and putting on some of the most exciting live shows any music fan could ever hope to see - without the aid of pyrotechnic displays, giant blow-up dolls, or a giant claw.

EW Shirks Duty in Favor of More Diablo Cody Ass-Kissing - I really love Entertainment Weekly. I do. Aside from the supremely irritating "Shaw Report" and Scott Brown's always unfunny "Hit List," I can usually enjoy it from cover to cover. However, I can not get behind their constant pimping of new columnist Diablo Cody. First of all, as an aspiring writer myself, it really irks me that EW refuses to accept freelance submissions from the struggling throngs out there, but will freely offer up regular columns to people who are already famous, but not necessarily good writers, like Cody, Stephen King, and Kat Deeley. While King's columns are usually fine, as a novelist's should be, Deeley, who wrote a So You Think You Can Dance blog on, and Cody are mediocre at best. I can't stomach Cody's column, as it's just more of the same "OMG, please realize how hip I am!" bullshit that she spewed all over the big screen in Juno. Yet, EW loves her, apparently so much so that they've not bothered to review her new film, Jennifer's Body, to which other critics have not been kind. It's interesting to find only a brief mention of its poor box office numbers in the linked article - numbers that are explained away as the result of "the glut of horror movies in theaters" now. What a crock! That moviegoers would rather see Jennifer Aniston playing Jennifer Aniston in another tepid love story speaks volumes. We're all over Megan Fox and maybe the Diablo Cody Kool-Aid is finally starting to lose its flavor. I'm sure some of her minions will be here to tell me how unhip I am for not being hip to her hipness, but I was comforted to see plenty of soul brothers and sisters over in the comments section. I used to think I was alone in my Diabloathing.

All That Jazz (Hands) - The inner dork in me cheered out loud when I heard that Bring it On was being adapted for the Broadway stage...until I found out that it will be based on a completely new script, making it more likely to be like one of the lame straight-to-video sequels than the cheesily hilarious original.

And now let's end things on a positive note. Behold, the newest Internet sensation: Riverdance Dog!


Cormac Brown said...

Rut-row, Michael Flatley? I hope you saved your money up!

Doc said...

I wouldn't worry about how hip other people think you are dear. You and I both know that you are so hip sometimes you have trouble seeing over your own pelvis!


Tootsie said...

In the words of Brenna "That's sooooooooo cute, that just made my night" (she was speaking of the River Dance dog).

GingerSnaps said...

I kinda felt like I needed a shower after watching Mack on Oprah yesterday.

Regardless of if she's telling the truth or not...that girl needs some SERIOUS therapy...for the rest of her life.

Char said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Char said...

I only caught part of Mack on the Oprah show, so didn't see the opening. It is difficult for me to wrap my mind around the 'consentual/unconsentual' incest. (is that an oxymoron?)

Love the Riverdancing dog.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

OMG! That is the best dog video!!!


hahahaaha!! love him!

SkylersDad said...

The dog video took the bad taste out of my mouth from Mackenzie. Thank you.

Bond said...

I saw the Mac thing on ET and shut off the TV

Falwless said...

I just pray that Nityananda of Ganeshpuri can heal us of all eye boogers.

By the way, have you also seen the YouTube of the baby dancing to Beyonce's "Single Ladies?" It's the newest viral vid gaining ground, and completely and utterly adorable.

Soda and Candy said...

Diabloathing... heh.
: )

words...words...words... said...

I love Bruce too, but easy on giant claws!


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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