Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Putting The "Tricks" Back in Tricks and Treats

My love for Halloween has been on somewhat of a steady decline ever since it devolved into Night of the Living Whorebags. I've still managed to get some enjoyment out of this pagan holiday by elbowing my way through the sea of sluts that flood the streets, but things are starting to get way out of hand. It's one thing for college-aged sluts to masquerade as, well, other sluts, but it's quite another for the kiddies to get in on the act.

If you look to the left, you'll see Miley Cyrus's nine-year-old sister, Noah, and friend at a recent Halloween party dressed as...I don't know...a zombie dominatrix and every parent's own private hell?

I suppose we shouldn't be surprised that Billy Ray Cyrus lets his kid walk out of the house looking like that, considering that he defended Miley's stripper pole routine and is nuthin' but proud of her increasingly racy magazine photos. And celebrities have a skewed view of the world in general, so if it were just famous people's kids using Halloween as an excuse to tramp it up, I could probably let it go. But it's not, so I can't.

The New York Post ran a story earlier this month about parents' concerns over the proliferation of trashy kids' costumes on sale. Party City was singled out as a store that happily sells outfits for tweens and younger with names like "High Seas Hottie" and "Convict Cutie." Unsurprisingly, a Party City manager kicked out the reporter who went in to ask about the jailbait gear.

Seriously, check out the kids' section of the Party City online catalog. If there is any question that the intention of these costumes is to sexualize young girls, the Jon Benet-esque makeup on the models will erase all doubt.

And if there are any ladies out there who want to tell me that I'm overreacting or being a prude, and you feel perfectly fine about letting your kids slut it up for Halloween because it's "just one night," you go right ahead. And then let me know what it's like to be a grandmother at 40.


Bond said...

But there are no slutty costumes for boys...that is just so wrong...

What is it with costumes these days - really...kids need to be more conservative...

But what do you expect from an "old guy"

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

It wouldn't have mattered for me anyway because no matter what kind of Halloween costume I was wearing my mother always made me wear a coat over it.

Del-V said...

Yeah, parents suck these days. Also sucking these days - kids.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

As one who has a "tween" daughter, I shudder at the Party City lineup of costumes. Fortunately, we didn't get the flyer this year.

Also fortunately, my daughter wants to go as an angel. Not a runway angel, but just an angel, with a long white dress and wings.


Anonymous said...

Hookerween. Can't stand it.

red said...

Seriously, this is so annoying. I put on the invite to my Halloween party "Slutty 'fill-in-the-blank' costumes not required or encouraged." God, I'm clever.

SkylersDad said...

I grew up like Lunch Lady, you could never wear a trashy looking outfit in a high mountain town, you would die from exposure in 10 minutes - tops.

Anonymous said...

When I was nine years old it was about imagination - a home made scary costume or something outrageous. I would've been appalled and disappointed at having to wear a leather mini dress and heels. You're right though, how many Village Halloween Parades did I stand through surrounded by college students in fishnets and bras and bunny ears? It's like "Well, I know I'm a slut but tonight I can get away with flaunting it and maybe get all the guys to oogle me." Boring. As for little girls dressing that way well...anyone who thinks that's ok has a screw loose.

Plus someone ought to tell the whore-costume wearers that the idea of a costume party is to come as something you're NOT. Haha!

words...words...words... said...

I will be going as the Firecrotch Of The Month this year. So yes, I will be wearing a slutty costume.

Alice said...

clever costumes ALWAYS trump slutty costumes. of course, sluts aren't usually too clever, so..

Soda and Candy said...

That is horrifying. I agree with you one thousand percent.

Billy said...

Anyone who's going to add their comments here is gonna be anti-kiddie porn, or whatever these costumes are called. Because, I mean, how can someone defend allowing their daughter to dress like she just came from a parent-endorsed Rainbow Party?

But here's the kicker. Some incredible, mind-numbing number of silent adults out there are buying these damn things. I don't know if they're all heroin addicts or babymamas, but they're buying these outfits, and they're dolling up their girls.

Or, I could take a separate approach. Maybe seeing neighborhood 9-year-olds dressed sluttier than Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver really IS the scariest thing you can see. Maybe it's scarier than wearing that mask from Scream or from Saw or from Friday the 13th. If that's the motive, maybe those parents are meta-modern!

P.S. If I didn't think I'd get fired, I'd so totally steal Michael's costume from The Office commercials and go to work as one of the D*** in a Box guys.

mylittlebecky said...

a freaking men, sister!

Penny said...

I agree. It's like this for adults as well. I wanted to be Alice in Wonderland for ages. Well everytime I go to purchase a costume it is the dirty whore version.
I don't want to be a dirty whore for Halloween!!!
Alice wasn't a dirty whore!!!


Anyway, I searched for a long time..finally found a modest, normal, non-dirty whore Alice costume :)

elaine said...

It's the Girls' Sexy Costume Warehouse:
(language warning)

" . . . and frog!"

cube said...

Whatever happened to wanting to dress up like something scary? We wanted to be monsters, skeletons, ghosts, vampires, witches, etc., not sluts from every conceivable occupation.

OK, my sister once dressed up like an obese hobo who kept saying, "Treak or treat, if you will," but that was still very

In any event, I fault the parents for allowing their girls to dress inappropriately.

elaine said...

Apparently you are not the only one who feels this way. A friend just sent me this link to an NPR piece in which Jill Sobule bemoans slutty costumes:

(I clearly have no idea how to create links, so you'll have to cut and paste.)


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