Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Don't Look Now LiLo, But Someone Is Trying To Steal Your Thunder

If any of you weren't sure that Tila Tequila is a truly disgusting individual, you haven't been reading her Twitter feed. And that's probably good for you because, after doing so, I now feel twice as disgusting. Perhaps I caught something just by looking at the screen. It feels like some awful combination of famewhorrhosis and crotch rot.

As you've all probably already heard by now, Tila's supposed fiancée Casey Johnson was found dead in her home on Monday morning (and apparently had been dead for days before the body was discovered). Now, I know we all deal with grief in different ways, but if your fiancée just died, would you tweet that grief every hour and then get into a third grade bitch-fight with a gossip blogger?? No? Congratulations, you are a normal person. Tila Tequila is not. Take a look at some of her tweets after Casey's body was found:

Jan. 4
3:37 pm - Been jetsetting all over the holidays time to finally go home I feel naustious
5:37 pm - Everyone please pray 4 my Wifey Casey Johnson. She has passed away. Thank u for all ur love and support but I will be offline to be w family
6:24 pm - This is a very heartbreaking time for me. I just want some pricacy as I deal with the loss of my Fiance Casey Johnson. I'm heart is shredded
6:30 pm - I just got news that my fiance is not dead but currently in a coma!!! Omg please pray that she will make it! Hang in there my love please!!!
6:33 pm - I know u can feel me Casey! Dot let go! I'm almost home baby please hang on! We have a beautiful life planned out for us! I LOVE u! Hang on!
7:02 pm - I'm still in shock! Once again thank U for the outpour of love and support. I just wish to have some privacy at this heartbreaking time.
7:09 pm - R.I.P my Angel. @caseyjonsonJnJ u will forever be in my heart! I love u so so much and we will Marry when I see U in Heaven my Wifey

Jan. 5
1:15 am - I can't stop these haunting visions of her and I. We made such a lovely couple, only beginning to spend the rest of our lives together...
1-ish am - I miss her so much. Can't stop crying. Haven't slept for days....My entire house is filled with her stuff. Im in bed without her here...
2-ish am - All of her doggies are still at my house. Friends & family just came by and we appreciate everyones support during this heartbreaking time.
5-ish am - Just Leave Us Alone!!! - http://tinyurl.com/ykp27le - Retweet
7-ish am - I shouldn't be on the net but this is the only place I can find some temporary solace. I miss her so much. Sooooo much. Didn't get 2 say bye
7-ish am - We used to tweet each other @caseyjonsonJnJ while laying right next to each other in our bedroom. But now I tweet alone.. unbearable pain.

[sic]

HOLY. SHIT. Is this broad kidding? First of all, these two were so in love, yet Tila went off "jetsetting" and partying without her beloved "Wifey" on New Year's Eve? And what's up with all of the "coma" crap? From the very first reports, Casey was pronounced dead at the scene. She had been dead for days. Are we really supposed to believe that someone led Tila to believe that her gf was only in a coma? It sounds like she just quickly scanned one of the stories that revealed Casey's history of diabetic comas.

I really don't want to be a completely callous bitch and immediately assume the worst, but it seems clear to me that Tila is just using this as yet another opportunity to grab the spotlight. Her fiancée is dead, but it's still all about HER. Seriously, she said she was going to be offline to be with family and then was tweeting again less than an hour later? And she refuses to stop tweeting, yet begs for privacy. O...K. The funniest part is her claim that the Internet is the only place she can "find temporary solace." Yes, because people on the Internet (like me!) are all so nice and very sympathetic to her. Good Lord.

While looking for solace, Tila found Perez Hilton tweeting stuff like: "I'm amazed you're not broadcasting live, showing us you're 'grieving'! That's totally something trash like you would do!" and "Tweet away, honey. The more you Tweet, the more your true colors reveal themselves. And they are vile!" So, instead of just ignoring him (because as annoying as Perez is, being annoying is pretty much his job) or issuing one statement, she settled in for an all-out twat battle.

And suddenly, it's no longer about her deep and all-consuming grief, but what it's always about—herself. After bashing her former pal Perez for most of the day, she tried to slickly segue into some shameless self promotion: "On my new Gossip Blog, u get EXCLUSIVE MATERIAL & I won't lie to my readers like @perezhilton does. Never. My Gossip site will shit on his!" Niiiice.

Then, about two hours ago, Tila said she was signing off because she has so much to do tomorrow, yet has continued to retweet supportive messages from the "Tila Army" (really? can't we send them to Iraq?) and cut and paste more hollow "Wifey" comments.

Of course, the big question is: Why do we even know who this skank is to begin with? I think that there needs to be some sort of tabloid and blog council that periodically evaluates the entertainment value and general worth of celebutards, and the ones who are deemed "obsolete" (just like that old Twilight Zone episode) are stripped of their fame (since we might not get away with actually killing them, like in that Twilight Zone episode). The council could then impose sanctions on any media outlets who continue to cover these blacklisted ex-celebs.

Because as fun as it is making fun of these wackos, there is a big difference between Tila Tequila and Lindsay Lohan. LiLo actually had a career once upon a time. She was an actress. She became famous for a real reason. Tila became famous for no reason. No good one, anyway.

23 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I was wondering about this yesterday. If Casey had been dead for a few days, does that mean her "fiancee" hadn't bothered getting in touch for a few days even when one of those days was New Year's? She didn't wonder why she couldn't get a hold of her? The hell.

I actually expected more bleating about this from Paris Hilton but she's been quite quiet apart from a brief statement. Actually, she's been quiet in general lately, did hell freeze over finally?

red said...

God, she is so horrible. We. Are. Doomed.

Jules said...

Does tweeting REALLY count as being online?

Discuss amongst yourselves. I'm in mourning...

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I'm naustious about this poor woman's lack of pricacy at this time when she's heart is shredded.

Ed Adams said...

All these people are crazy.

I've stopped caring.

Bond said...

This is exactly why I do not use twitter

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

"Now I Tweet alone." Word.

I almost hope she's got an assistant who writes this shit, as most of them do, and that the assistant is just fucking with her and laughing her ass off.

I love infinity sic.

Penny said...

ha ha ha..WOW.
I love the multiple pleads for privacy and then minutes later she back at it.
I despise Perez but his statement actually rang true with a live feed.
What a train wreck.

McGone said...

"I really don't want to be a completely callous bitch and immediately assume the worst..."

My God, if not now, when can you be a callous bitch and assume the worst? This is a fame whore liveblogging her grief. All bets are off with this shit. Let's all get our Callous Bitch on.

And I thoroughly enjoy the fact that Tequila tweeted "I know u can feel me Casey! Dot let go! I'm almost home baby please hang on! We have a beautiful life planned out for us! I LOVE u! Hang on!" Just in case Johnson woke up from this alleged/erroneous coma, you know the first thing she would do is check in on Tequila's Tweets.

Sweet Fancy Moses, did I really just type "Tequila's Tweets?"

SkylersDad said...

Seriously, I would love to pull our troops out of the hell they are in and replace them with the Tila Army.

It is a perfect solution.

carissajaded said...

I found out about this all extremely late. But I think this girl is just despicable. But Lilo too... Ughhh

rebecca said...

She's a f*cking headcase. Wow. Don't tweet, don't read tweets...but I think maybe ppl should stop giving her so much airtime and importance. She's loving all of this. Good or bad, any kind of news about her, puts the spotlight on her and she's loving it.

Billy said...

Didn't you include that Cher video from the '80s a while back? You know, for the song We All Tweet Alone?

Welcome to the 21st Century, where two people in bed together no longer say "I just wanted to be held," but rather "I just wanted you to tweet me."

words...words...words... said...

I was going to say something, but mjenks said it all.

CDP said...

This is exactly why I've become so disenchanted with Twitter, which was fun a long time ago. I can't muster any sympathy for a person named "Tila Tequila".

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

Tila Tequila is one of those people who makes me lose a bit of faith in humanity.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

WTF??

I am flabberghasted.

Casey couldn't have given "wifey" a better parting gift. 15 MORE minutes.

Ewwwww

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I'm sure the attention is delicious for her and maybe she thinks she's going to get her mitts on some of Johnson's inheritance if she keeps shouting about her "wifey".

cube said...

I cracked up when she first talks about her dead wifey at 5:37 pm and how she'll be offline to be w family and then she's right back at it at 6:24 pm talking about heartbreak and wanting pricacy. Her heart must really be shredded to have held out for a whole 47 minutes!

Angell said...

I. Hate. Reality. Tv. Well most of it anyway.

Who cares? And what pisses me off is that quality shows get cancelled, because people would rather tune in to watch trash like her than quality acting.

I didn't even know she was engaged. But I find it a bit of an irony that every time her name comes up, I need a shot of tequila just to think of her. This is why I don't pay attention to Hollywood.

GAH.

Cora said...

That actually made my skin crawl. Yeesh.

sas said...

sometimes for fun i read celebrity twitter streams just to feel talented.
and 'naustious'.

Malcolm said...

I started to get naustious while reading Tila's tweets. When you feud with Perez and he's the voice of reason by comparison, that's a sign you've gone too far.

 

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