Thursday, March 18, 2010

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Children By the Millions Mourn For Alex Chilton - Heaven's band just got that much better. Legendary singer, songwriter, producer and indie God, Alex Chilton, died of a heart attack yesterday at the age of 59. Although Chilton preferred the rock/R&B stylings of his first band, The Box Tops, and his own solo work, he is best remembered for his time with Big Star—the band that influenced countless indie pop acts. Oddly enough, now that he's gone, Alex Chilton and Big Star's music may finally get some well-deserved mainstream exposure. If you're unfamiliar with Chilton's music, make sure you check out this week's Sonic Sunday. I just may have something for ya.

The Best Actress Oscar Curse Strikes Again - A year after the impossibly gorgeous Kate Winslet took home the Oscar for her role in The Reader, she has split from her troll-like director husband Sam Mendes, joining other award-winning actresses who've had relationships ruined by Oscar: Halle Berry, Julia Roberts, Reese Witherspoon, Hilary Swank and Charlize Theron. Although everyone immediately thought this might have something to do with Kate's "best bud," Leonardo DiCaprio, the gossip is that Sam either was screwing around with actress Rebecca Hall, or that he simply told Kate that he could never be with one woman for the rest of his life. How does that old saying go? "Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you the man who's tired of sleeping with her." *sigh*

And Again - Less than two weeks after Sandra Bullock won the Best Actress Oscar for her role in The Blind Side, allegations have surfaced that her husband Jesse James was having an affair with tattoo model Michelle McGee while Sandy was off filming her award-winning performance. Today, Jesse issued a statement apologizing to his wife and family for his "poor judgment," but adding, "The vast majority of the allegations reported are untrue and unfounded. Beyond that, I will not dignify these private matters with any further public comment." Soooo...what exactly is he apologizing for, then? If one of those allegations, i.e., the SEXING, is true and founded, then he needs to pull his giant head out of his ass and come up with a better apology than that. And maybe it should be a private matter, but then maybe a person in the public eye should know better than to flirt with someone who isn't his wife on Twitter, for anyone to see.

Speaking Of Leaving An Electronic Trail... - We've all been under the impression that Tiger Woods' brains are in his pants, but it's possible the guy doesn't have any brains at all. One of Tiger's 50,000 mistresses, Joslyn James (aka Veronica Siwik-Daniels), created a website on which she is now publishing over 100 sexy texts that the golfer sent her during their three-year affair. It pretty much covers everything from threesomes to golden showers. *gag* Poor Joslyn was "forced" to give up her porn star career due to Tiger's jealousy, but now she's looking forward to "future career opportunities." I have every confidence that she'll be the Internet's patron saint of golden showers within a few weeks.

Lindsay Lohan Never Disappoints - I'm not sure why it took me so long to mention this story, because it's fantastic. It must be that damn American Idol getting in the way again. Lindsay [last name no longer needed] is suing E*Trade for $100 million, claiming that their latest talking baby commercial, which references a "milkaholic" named Lindsay, uses her "likeness" without her permission, and somehow that's caused her pain and suffering. And, of course, her crazy mother supports this. E*Trade says that, because there are other people in the world named Lindsay, the commercial had nothing to do with The Littlest Firecrotch. And I say that "milkaholic" is probably the nicest thing this cracked out, faux lesbian has ever been called, so she should probably be flattered.

16 comments:

CDP said...

I have been WAITING for you to weigh in on "milka wha?" Is that not the most hilarious thing ever?

SkylersDad said...

Lindsey thinks she is big enough to just be known by one name.

Scope said...

I heard about that case the other day. And laughed and laughed and laughed. And then I used her last name in my latest video, just to spite the b!tch.

Living Shallow, Living Well said...

Lindsay is out of work and looking for a quick buck.

She does have cute hair though.

Cormac Brown said...

See, when Sandy walked up to the stage, Jesse should've been crying it up like Chad Lowe did. That she might have kept him around for another couple of months.

Yikes, I better zip it, my word verifi is "hating."

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Ironically, Big Star were supposed to play SXSW on Saturday.

It's good that we have idiot celebrities around to ease our sadness.

red said...

That Lindsay thing kills me. It's so very, very sad what's become of our LiLo.

Also, those Tiger texts are dirty! I kinda love it.

Malcolm said...

I read the other day that the remaining members of Big Star will still perform at SXSW with special guests as a tribute to Alex Chilton. I have a feeling that Chilton's death will cause the RRHOF committee to at least make Big Star one of the nominees for induction next year.

As for Lindsay's ridiculous lawsuit, I guess money's too tight to mention.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahaha, milkaholic. That is pretty much golden.

Also, wasn't Sam Mendes married to someone else when he met Kate? Or am I thinking of someone else?

carissa said...

I am so super mad at Sam Mendez and that stupid Jesse James. I was really hoping the curse would be broken.

words...words...words... said...

Rebecca Hall is gorgeous and all, but dude. DUDE. You will never find another Kate Winslet. I guess quantity trumps quality.

I too, hope Big Star gets some recognition from this. They get no press despite being awesome. Which is like the exact opposite of the Velvet Underground.

Also, I could not be less surprised about Jesse James' indiscretions.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I am sad. I love me some BIG STAR. In fact, I played some earlier in tribute. Bah.

Lindsay never fails to make me laugh. I didn't KNOW she owned the name Lindsay. I mean all those dozens of girls I grew up with who were called Lindsay must've gone forward in time a few years, stolen it, gotten back in the time machine and been smug for weeks!

Cora said...

Wow. Just wow. I can't tell who the bigger moron is in this post Lindsay, Sam, Tiger ot Jesse.

Who to mock? Who to mock?

Okay, I'm gonna pull a name out of a hat. No, really, I am. Hold on.

Lemme see.... the biggest loser is..........

Sam. Go figure.

*start rant*

Soooo, Sammy m'boy, have a seat. Let's talk. KATE WINSLET isn't woman enough for YOU???? Are you INSANE???? Damn it, she's the one woman on the planet who could turn me lesbian in a heartbeat!!!! Seriously!!!! And have I mentioned how much I LOATHE cheaters???? No? Oh. Well, I do, a$$hole. May your philandering balls fall the f*ck right off, you tiny scabby dick!!!!

*end rant*

elaine said...

Big Star was also going to play an outdoor concert here in Memphis on May 15th, and I was really looking forward to it. There had been hope or speculation that they were finally going to start getting some more recognition. Bummer.

Alice said...

oh the lindsay thing is HILARIOUS. love it. her lawyer is claiming that she's as impt/famous as other "one-name" celebs like Cher or Madonna. oh linds. you flatter yourself.

Penny said...

Sucks about Sandy's man. Did you see that dirty whore??? She is a creeper.

Thanks for all the updates. I don't know what I would do without you.

 

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