Tuesday, April 27, 2010

American Idol 9: That Don't Impress Me Much

Before the recapping commences, don't forget to enter the CafePress contest to win two tickets to the American Idol finale!

OK kids, it's country night...so you know what that means. Just about every contestant is going to cop out and pick a ballad. And even though AI is opening the Shania Twain songbook, which is full of peppy songs (hell, she had an entire album called Up! that featured exclamation points all over the place), these kids are still going to take the easy road. And even though it happens every country night, it's even lamer tonight because Shania's brand of country music is 90% pop.

Lee Dewyze is up first with ballad #1, "You're Still the One," and he goes from monotonous to shouty in record time. Has he always sung with a crooked mouth? OK, Lee, so what do you think, you're Elvis or something? (oooh-ooh-ooh) This don't impress me much. (ooh-ooh-ooh) Don't get me wrong, yeah I think Lee's all right. But he won't keep me warm in the middle of the night. (I should have probably warned you all before starting that I was quite the Shania fan back in the day, so I know nearly all of her songs. Sorry. I'll try not to keep doing this.) Somehow, Lee's very average performance garners rave reviews from all of the judges. The only negative Simon can find is that Lee was "pulling some weird faces." Ellen makes a stupid "all aboard the Shania Twain" joke, but I won't make too much fun of her since she's apparently following me on Twitter now.

Up next is Michael Lynche with, yes, a ballad. He performs "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" in a perfectly pleasant manner and there is no doubt that the judges will lap this up. They love when Michael stays in the Ruben Studdard box because that's who they think he is, and they love when the puppets obey. And whattaya know, Randy once again TELLS Michael that he IS "the R&B balladeer." No more of that funky, cool pop stuff for you, mister. Although Simon thinks the performance seemed a little "wet" (apparently a British term that he can't even properly translate), he agrees with Ellen's comparison of Mike to Luther Vandross. Kara says something like, "connection...blah blah blah...feeling...blah blah blah... connection...blah."

Casey James decides to give the people a different side of him: the rhythm guitarist side, as opposed to the lead guitarist side. Oh boy! He turns in a pretty good performance of "Don't"—a song I originally had confused with "Whatever You Do! Don't! (there are the exclamation points again), which would have been a much more lively (and hilarious) choice—but it's actually a ballad (shocker!) that appeared on Shania's Greatest Hits compilation. In this week's episode of Short Attention Span Theater, the judges all tell Casey that this was his best performance ever. No way that was better than his cover of "Jealous Guy," but whatever. Just let them say what they want so we can get to the end and I can watch Glee.

Ryan chats with Crystal Bowersox before her performance and he makes a point of mentioning how white Shania's teeth are. (Ooooh, Seacrest, you bitch.) Dreadsocks™ hopes that the message behind "No One Needs To Know" will prompt her boyfriend to make an honest woman of her. Said boyfriend just sits in the audience, grinning like a nervous idiot. I've always thought this was a really cute song, but this performance is actually kind of dull. But Crystal is still so beyond the other contestants that it probably doesn't matter. And I'm happy to finally get at least a mid-tempo song so I can tap my foot (impatiently, as I await Glee). The judges aren't really feeling the performance either, and try to gently tiptoe around without actually saying they didn't like it, but Simon finally says, "Shocker—we don't like Crystal this week." So, either they're setting her up to be in the Bottom 3 (or 2, whatever it is now) or they're trying to de-pimp her a little bit so that people still vote for her.

Now, Aaron Kelly always does ballads (except for that time he foolishly chose "Blue Suede Shoes") but since he's this season's country wannabe, I thought he would really go for it. But no...he picks yet another ballad, "You've Got A Way." I start laughing when he changes the "it's in the way we make love" line to "it's in the way you show your love," and I'm all set to come up with some jokes and show off my deep knowledge of Shania lyrics (that's on my resume) when Kara actually mentions it. Twit. Of course, she's happy that Aaron changed the lyric because she assumes that, at the tender age of 17, he doesn't know where babies come from or where to put his pee-pee. If this were any 17-year-old other than Aaron, she'd probably be wrong, but I think this is one of the few times Kara is right. Aaron reveals the real reason he changed the line: he wanted to dedicate the song to his mom. Well, that was nice of Aaron. To change the lyric, I mean. I guess he didn't want to traumatize America like Jared Cotter did back in Season 6, when he dedicated "Let's Get It On" to his parents. (Insert Sideshow Bob shudder here.)

Siobhan Magnus gets the pimp spot with "Any Man of Mine." Yee-hah! Finally, an upbeat song!! It starts out kind of wonky, with that low, breathy, lounge singer tone that Siobhan sometimes conjures up, but it picks up soon enough. It's not a perfect performance, and of course there's an unnecessary scream, but overall it's kind of fun. Randy, Ellen and Kara all love it, and country music hater Simon even admits to liking the song, but he thought Siobhan sounded like she was giving birth when she started shrieking. Oh, I wish he wouldn't have brought that up. Now he's going to have to have "the talk" with Aaron.

It's kind of weird that the judges seemed to like everyone tonight. That rarely happens, especially on country night. And it's even weirder that it happened on a night when everyone was so spectacularly average.

So, if there's still a Bottom 3, I think they're going to throw Crystal into the mix. She'll be safe of course, but they need some kind of shocker. Since there are only two girls left, I think another dude will be sent packing tomorrow night, but I'm having a hard time deciding who that will be. Well, I'm not going to think too much about it. I'm too busy wondering why in the hell Jonathan Groff is being relegated to the background in this Glee episode.

Bottom 3: Aaron, Crystal and Michael
Out: Michael

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.


Ian said...

This was a weird episode. Siobhan was the only one I actually thought was bad. I actually liked Crystal best, since she was the only one to pick an upbeat song and pull it off.

Anonymous said...

You have nothing but more disses for Mike. You HAVE to say in your comments that he sounded great because he was amazing tonight, but you still really have the nerve to feel he is deserving of leaving the competition before Aaron, Lee, and Casey. Just hilarious to me how people have forgotten this is a SINGING competition. So he messed up with the Pec contest challenge to Simon that one week. He lived to fight another week and has been spot on vocally since. He never has sung badly. Any Lee praise makes me want to poke out both my eyes with my own thumbs. Aaron needs to go because everyone stepped their game and he didn't deliver the solid vocal. Siobhan and Crystal are cruising. Casey is a sleeper. He is good...really good! I think if Aaron doesn't go home, he might. I want Lee out with a passion. Over-rated and not a good singer. Worst one left. I want to see a Crystal, Mike, Siobhan, and Casey final four. The best singers duking it out. Lee and Aaron are not as vocally gifted as the other 4 obviously. It annoys me when people nitpick about stuff that doesn't even matter. Doesn't matter. I want Crystal to win, but the shocker may come tomorrow. I think its gonna be a bad result show shocker. We will see!

Kristi Mantoni said...

Okay, well, tough to follow that comment but I'll try. I think you're right on except for Siobhan but I stopped drink her kool-aid weeks ago. I don't think she'll go home but who knows. It gets tough when the numbers get smaller. As far as Mike goes, I would love to see him leave. He's not my type of singer/performer. Strange how different people have different tastes. Anyway, on to something important...Glee!! While Jesse St. James was stuck in the background, it was still an awesome show. I liked that they concentrated on the support character this show. Every time Kurt's dad is on, I love him even more even though my heart was breaking for Kurt. *sigh* We have to wait another week to see more.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Thank god I wasn't the only one that was wondering what the heck the judges were listening to, cause it sure wasn't what I was watching on my tv. Siobhan, Lee or Aaron could easily go tonight and it wouldn't make a crap of difference. Perhaps Crystal actually wants to leave at this point because I'm willing to be Simon already signed her and she'll have time to get into the recording studio before the summer tour. Meh, the whole hour was just a stepping stone to get to Glee.

Fancy Schmancy said...

That was supposed to read willing to bet, not willing to be Simon, lol.

elaine said...

Four word reviews:
Lee: weird Joe Cocker mouth
Mike: he doesn't move me
Casey: worthy of top 5
Crystal: very Prairie Home Companion
Aaron: he has eyebrows now *
Siobhan: scrap material Barbie outfit **

* - Aaron used to not have very thin, sickly eyebrows. He kind of looked like he plucked them so he could do drag on the weekends. His eyebrows look fuller every week, but they don't look drawn on. Are they using that eyelash serum on his brows? I want to know.

** - when I was a kid, my mom would give me scraps of fabric left over from sewing projects, and I would use those scraps to wrap around my Barbies to make them dresses. Siobhan looked like something that I would have done to my dolls.

words...words...words... said...

Anonymous' Reading Comprehension Grade: F

BeckEye said...

Dear Crazy Mike Fan (who may possibly be related to him),

Glad you're reading and commenting, but since you're just kind of yelling at me now, I will respond:

1. This is not a singing competition. Never has been. How else do you think people like Tim Urban and Sanjaya even make the cut? It is a TV show and a popularity contest.

2. Maybe you've just started reading my blog and don't realize that I actually like Mike. Clearly, you are having a Siobhan moment where you throw a hissy when someone doesn't heap loads of praise on him. The problem is, I like Mike when he's being himself. He's actually more into pop and rock, not R&B. He's NOT the boring balladeer that the judges want him to be. He's shown that with his funky covers of "Miss You" and "Eleanor Rigby." But because the judges diss him every time he tries something outside of the box THEY want to put him in, maybe he's playing it safe now.

3. I don't think Mike DESERVES to go home. I didn't think he should have been the lowest vote-getter the week he was saved, and I still believe that was set up by the judges. But guess what? There are only 6 people left. And SOMEONE has to go home. I originally was going to guess that it would be Aaron, but he's got a lot of the teen/tween vote. And probably most of Middle America's vote. He's hung around this long, so why not? Since the judges gave everyone pretty good comments last night, I don't know WHO is going home. I just had to make a guess. Kids with unlimited text messages have the power. And I don't think most of them will vote for Mike.

4. Remember that this recap is just my opinion. Just as your comments are your opinion. Talent is a subjective thing. Maybe there are people who think that Mike suck. And that's their right. Just because you like someone doesn't mean that they're the best. If you keep thinking like that and taking this show too seriously, you will eventually hurl yourself off a bridge. I almost did when Michael Johns got kicked off. *single tear*

Soda and Candy said...

I saw the tail end of that last chick's song. Oh man. It was just terrible. I mean. How did she even get on the show with that screechy out-of-tune mess?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I love you....let me first say that...and I hope u know what I mean.

I didn't see AI last night, because I got home at 9 and you know I was all about Glee...

I'll be watching last night, tonight, before tonight's night. you know what I mean???

Oh hell. I din;t even know whart i mean.

Team Finn!! Peace

Candy's daily Dandy said...

evidently I don't know how to spell either...:)

Heff said...

Lol @ Candy !!!

I agree with your views pretty well here.

Casey needs to stick with the lead stuff no matter what the judges say, but I still think Crystal DevourCocks is gonna EAT this WHOLE THING.

The judges need to get over Siobhan Magnus. That "power yell" ala Adam Lambert she's doing at the end of EVERY DAMN SONG ISN'T going to save her.

Scott said...

No One Needs to Know is my favorite Shania song. Shania never really belts out songs, so I guess it was hard for the contestants to impress with her songs.


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