American Idol 9: 5/12/10 Results

So, folks, this recap is going to have to be the PS version tonight. I need to get to bed. I feel like I'm coming down with something and I'm praying to Danny Gokey's crazy church that it's not strep. Apparently, it's gotten to the point where American Idol is actually making me physically ill.

[In the style of La Roux] This time baby, I'll do bulllllletttt points!

Results

• All the families got to sit on the stage couches while the Final 4 awaited their results in the uncomfortable stools.
• Casey was named safe first. Of course he was, because he was my pick to go home! I immediately thought perhaps they were setting up the season's big "shocker," either turning Crystal into Melinder Doolittle or Lee into Daughtry. (It should be noted that Lee will turn into Daughtry eventually. But with hair.)
• Lee would not be Daughtried tonight. He was named safe second, leaving Crystal and Mike in the Bottom 2. If Mike's family's expressions could have made a sound, it would have been, "Awwwwww shiiiiiit."
• No crazy shenanigans with Crystal. Mike was booted.
• Why did Mike choose to go out on the Free Willy song? Haven't the contestants generally been picking their most well-received songs as their last hurrahs?

Musical Guests

• Fantasia sang her new song "Bittersweet." This time, unfortunately, she did not turn in a performance worthy of this famous reaction. Other things I noticed (because I certainly wasn't paying attention to the song):
• 'Tasia was obviously torn between getting the Rihanna or the Bieber cut, and settled for a weird combination of both.
• One of her backup singers must not have shown because there appeared to be a 6th grade art teacher among the backing trio.
• Daughtry was Daughtry. Although they wished they were Bon Jovi.
  
• Bon Jovi did their new song, "Superman Tonight." OK, look. I still like Bon Jovi. All you haterz can go to hell.
• Richie Sambora finally cut his hair. Sadly, it was with a weed whacker.
  
• Jon Bon...well, what can I say? That hair. That butt. Those teeth. My God, THOSE TEETH. Aging that well should really be illegal.

Other Observations

• That "movie trailer" opening was one of the dumbest intros yet. If this season of AI were really a movie, I definitely wouldn't go see it. Maybe I'd Netflix it. I'd put it in my queue right behind the entire Leprechaun franchise.
  
• I swear I saw Stewart Copeland in the audience. Was I imagining that? Or was it his doppelgänger?
• I greatly appreciated the well-placed "Gosh"es during the video package of the past winners visiting their hometowns.
  
• Casey was totally stoned. Like, beyond Jason Castro stoned.
  
• Jon Bon Jovi's teeth deserve another mention.
• This might have been the first show in history that didn't run over or right up to the last minute. When they started running Mike's farewell package, there were still 5 minutes left. And when he was done singing, there were still 2 minutes left. So, we got to see lots of hugs and then Ryan just talked super slowly for a little bit.
• Shouldn't Mike's wife have put some earplugs or headphones on that baby?

So, what's on tap for next week? I'm guessing it's judges' choice/personal choice for each of the Final 3. I wonder if Kara will choose Casey's song, and if it will be that country classic, "Older Women?"


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