Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Betty White Should Have Played Blanche* - According to ZackTaylor.ca, someone found a box left behind at Betty White's old house, which contained four photos of Betty "engaging in sexual activities" with her then-husband Allen Ludden (who died nearly 30 years ago). It's not really that shocking to discover that a married couple took pictures of their sexy times, but I'm still not sure this story is 100% true. The timing is suspicious. Betty has a career resurgence and all of a sudden there are sex pics of her? I think this is just another case of the gossip mongers trying to create a story on a slow news day. But maybe Betty is finally learning to play the new Hollywood game and SHE made up the story to get some publicity for her new show, Hot in Cleveland?

The Price Bitch is Wrong* - How does Shannon Price live with herself? How do other people let her live? Gary Coleman's ex is...well, she's all kinds of effed up. A lot of people think that she probably pushed Gary or somehow caused the fall that eventually killed him. And her crazy actions after Gary's death certainly don't help to sway that public opinion. She's been considering giving a tour of the home she shared with Gary, including (of course) a stop at the spot where he took his fatal fall. Then the psycho sold pictures of Gary in a coma on his deathbed, including one in which she was posing next to him, like she was at the Grand Canyon or something. She still has the one photo she took of him after he was dead, and I guess she's saving that one for a much higher bidder. Now it's come to light that, even though Shannon backed up her decision to quickly pull the plug by claiming that Gary didn't want to be kept alive artificially, he actually wrote a healthcare directive back in 2006 that stated he desired "15 days of life support" if he were ever in this type of situation. And it was reported today that Gary had filed a restraining order against Shannon just months before his death. So, if that's the case, how has this broad been allowed to take over Gary's estate??

Miley Cyrus Is Not Trying To Be Slutty, Swearsies - A week ago, Miley Cyrus said, "I'm not trying to be slutty...What I'm trying to do is to make a point with my record..." And then she started showing up on stage everywhere, thrusting her cameltoe into anyone's face who wasn't lucky enough to be blind. So, apparently, the point to her record is: I have an underage vajeen and it can't be tamed. Then, Perez Hilton got into a bunch of trouble for posting an upskirt shot of Miley in which she was supposedly wearing no underwear. The media flew into an uproar over this because, unlike other crotch-flashing celebutards like Paris and Lindsay, Miley is underage and thus the picture was officially kiddie porn. Yet that didn't stop Reuters from publishing a pic of Miley from Canada's Much Music Awards that showed a little too much poonteen, all thanks to a not-trying-to-be-slutty, ill-fitting bodysuit. Reuters claims that there's a difference between them showing 17-year-old vadge and Perez showing it. Something like, "Ehhh, everyone's seen it already, so let us make some cash off it, OK?" Sure, Reuters. Have at it. If Miley's parents don't care where their kid puts her vagynus, then why should we?

American Idol Promises To Get Worse - Simon Cowell never liked singing children, so as soon as he left AI, the producers lowered its minimum age requirement to 15. This means that Season 10 can be expected to feature more bum notes, meltdowns and temper tantrums, more horrible stage parents (I'm sure Dadchuleta was just the tip of the iceberg), even more limited song selection and even more condescension and "sweeties" from Kara. Of course, the biggest change will be that the 16-year-olds will no longer have a special place in Randy's heart, as he will now turn his attention toward all the younger ones to bellow, "DUDE, YOU'RE ONLY 15! WHAT? YO! 15!!!!"

Toy Story 3 Is Great - I saw it on Saturday and loved it. It may not have surpassed #2 (my favorite installment of the series), but it's wonderful. The third installement's plot is a very touching tale about friendship and the passage of time. Actually, it's really just about life and how we all have to adjust to its changes. And yes, like Owen Gleiberman says in the linked story, it's perfectly OK to cry. Even you men. In fact, if this movie doesn't make you tear up (especially the ending), you may be more inanimate than any of the movie's toy stars.

*Meta eye-boogers: Links to stories I've already written about elsewhere!

16 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Wouldn't you love to see Betty White go all "girl, you cra-cra and you don't know nothin about chola glamour" on Miley Cyrus' ass? I would.

MJenks said...

The Miley Cyrus thing is an interesting philosophical debate. Namely, which sucks the soul out of a person faster, the camera (a la the old Romani myth) or Miley's teenpoonteen?

words...words...words... said...

Gary Coleman's wife totally killed him (allegedly). Or at least didn't care if he died. That 911 call is one of the most appalling things I've ever heard. It sounded like she was about as concerned as you are when you call a plumber for a leaky faucet. She told her barely conscious husband to APPLY PRESSURE TO HIS OWN HEAD WOUND BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIKE BLOOD.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Gary Coleman's crazy redheaded witch wife is a FREAK man. She always was right from the moment they got married and I first heard of her. Obviously before that too when I hadn't....

As for Miley I think two things. 17 is not a child. It's above the age of consent in most of the civilized world. It's 16 in most places. Secondly, I'll overlook this fact if someone will lock Perez up because I fucking hate that pink haired, no talent bitch. Seriously, he's famous for scribbling inane, unfunny remarks in pink on celeb pics he stole from other publications? HOW DOES THAT SHIT HAPPEN?

How ironic is it that after that rant my word veri. is "liking"?

Soda and Candy said...

Miley's 17 and slutty... who among us, etc etc.

; )

For reals child sluttiness is a worry, but it becomes less of a worry after say 15. It's more so with her because she has legions of tiny fans who want to emulate her, so one would hope she could keep the vuvuzela under wraps a little longer, but still.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Betty White rocks and I bet she was a tigress in bed

Miley Cyrus will not even be known by the time she hits Ms. White's age

AI has totally jumped the shark...over kaput

Heff said...

AW ! and you ALMOST made it through a post without mentioning A.I., lol !!!

SkylersDad said...

Ahem (clears throat while donning weird blond wig)

LEAVE MILEY ALONE! WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST LEAVE HER ALOOOOONE!!

This has been another installment of sky-dad theater, thank you.

Doc said...

Only you dear could have coined "vagynus"! Have you considered a teaching job? My two little girls could use a pop culture class to further their education and I think you would be just the qualified professor to teach it!

Thanks for all the laughs and I'm not ashamed to admit that I think Betty White would be Hell on wheels in the sack!

love,
Doc

LiLu said...

Betty was actually SUPPOSED to play Blanche. Rue took a huge paycut so she could have that part instead, because she felt it was more "her".

RIP, you saucy minx.

J.J. said...

If Betty White had sex pics, go Betty!

Shannon wanted Gary dead. The 911 call and photo session. 'Nuf said.

I see Miley becoming another Britney.

Perez is a spoiled, whiny, brat, uh, I mean bastard. I still don't understand why he was a judge at a FEMALE beauty contest. Mr. America, I get, but they'd probably beat him up so he went for the 'weaker' sex.

red said...

Because my TV watching life sucks right now, I saw on E! News or something the other day that rumors of Betty's sexy pics have been floating around for ages. I bet they totally exist.

katrocket said...

I can't believe that Heidi and Spencer's tragic breakup didn't make this episode of Eye Boogers.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Gary Coleman's wife watched him die...then said she couldn't handle the pressure of it. Oh PUH-leese. I dont understand how anyone is buying that story.

AI-jumped shark last year for good.

Toy Story-I can't wait to see it. Some things are just too good to pass up.

Cora said...

Ohhh Hannah Montana, I'm so disillusioned.

Kinda.

Actually, no, not really.

cube said...

Betty White played the Blanche role in the Mary Tyler Moore show. Remember Sue Anne Nivens? The Happy Homemaker was quite the vixen.

I try not to think about Miley's vaginal orifice or Gary Coleman's killer wife. They are both train wreck stories that make my head hurt.

And I didn't watch AI this year so I've only heard how much they stank, but I don't know from experience. Thank goodness.

 

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