Wednesday, June 23, 2010

What Is The Deal With Lady Yadda Yadda?

I'm sure you've all heard about Lady Gaga's recent trip to Citi Field, where she tried to take in a Mets game in a leather jacket and lingerie without attracting attention. However, when photographers and fans wouldn't leave her alone for some strange reason, she flipped everyone off and was promptly escorted to Jerry Seinfeld's private box, apparently for her own protection. Jerry wasn't too happy about the whole situation and had this to say:

This woman’s a jerk. I hate her...You take one 'A' off of that and you've got 'gag.'

I can’t believe they put her in my box, which I paid for. You give people the finger and you get upgraded? Is that the world we’re living in now? What is she giving the finger [for]? What’s the finger anyway? Speaking of interesting and new, how old is the finger? How did it even get to be the finger?
Luckily for you folks, I was able to get an EXCLUSIVE follow-up with Jerry, in which he continued his tirade against Lady "Gag!" Check it out...

So, this Lady Gaga, huh? I mean...what is the deal with her? If she's a lady, why is her name "Gaga?" Isn't that what babies say? And what about that? Why is "gaga" the first thing babies learn to say? If humans are really so intelligent, why don't babies come out of the womb learning to say, "I'm hungry?" Baby deer are up and running around like a minute after they're born! You mean to tell me that after years and years of evolution, human babies haven't learned to tell us why the heck they're crying? They can't figure out how to say, "Hey mom, I've got a situation in my diaper. You wanna, uh, take care of this?" I mean, come on!

And what is the deal with Lady Gaga wanting to be called "Lady" all the time? Is she royalty? Is that allowed? You mean all this time, I could have been telling people my name was Lord Jerry Seinfeld and they would all call me that, no questions asked? I want to be a Lord! Call me Lord! But nicknames don't work that way. You can't give yourself a nickname. If you have to give yourself a nickname, you either have no friends or you've never done anything interesting enough to warrant a nickname! Giving yourself a nickname is about the lamest thing you can do. If you give yourself a nickname, it might as well be "Lame-o," because that's what everyone will call you anyway. I mean, really! And why is it called a "nick" name? Who is this "Nick" fellow, going around naming everyone? And what was Nick's nickname?

And have you heard this Lady Gaga song, "Just Dance?" What is the deal with that? When you hear a song is called "Just Dance," you know that it was written by a woman. Because the biggest difference between men and women isn't their physical appearance or the way they handle emotions...the biggest difference between men and women is the importance of dance in one's life. Really! I mean, dancing is the cure-all for everything to you ladies, am I right? To a woman, "just dance" makes perfect sense. A woman says to her friend, "Oh, I'm so sad boyfriend broke up with me, I hate my job, I'm behind in my rent..." and her friend says, "It's OK Sally...just dance!" And she does. Sally goes out and dances and life is wonderful again. That doesn't work for men. You're never sitting at the bar with your buddies, talking about how bad things are and one chugs his beer, leans over and says, "You know what we need to do tonight? We just need to dance!"

But seriously, that Lady Gaga...if she shows up at another Mets game with her vuvuzela hanging out, I think all the fans should get a chance to poke her face. Right? Whatever happens, she better stay away from MY BOX! Why should she get to go to a box? It isn't her box. It's my box! She doesn't belong in my box. Keep her outta MY BOX! No! No box!

(I love you, Jerry. The above nonsense is a shining example of why you're you and I'm me. )


Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh that Jerry...he's such a menace, but I love him too.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to be referred to as "Lady Mean Girl Garage" from now on please.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bra I need to put on before heading to the kids' soccer games....

Scope said...

Maybe he should call her "T-Bone"/

No, there can only be one "T-Bone"!

(Sorry, I have tried very hard to ignore this "Gaga" person, and will continue to do so.)

Heff said...

Excellent Seinfeld impression. I doubt you really interviewed him, but to quote Costanza, "It's not a lie....if you believe it..."

LiLu said...

"..if she shows up at another Mets game with her vuvuzela hanging out..."

MARRY ME. Do it right now.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Jerry. Beckeye. I can never tell you two apart.

Anonymous said...

Also Seinfeld: Pot meet kettle. That dude annoys the living shit out of me. And he's NEVER BEEN FUNNY. I never got the Seinfeld thing at all. Maybe it's a cultural thing but I couldn't stand his show and didn't get why anyone thought it was funny. Sorry someone sat in YOUR luxury box one time Jerry, but you should support a team that doesn't suck. Plus I laughed that he's pissed at Gaga but is big friends with Madonna, the queen of crass. Hahahaha.

Having said that, I think this Gaga person is going through some sort of mental breakdown. For real. She's acting really squirrelly even by HER standards.

cube said...

You are channeling Jerry... Little Jerry Seinfeld ;-)

Not really. You are way funnier than a rooster.

I found the vuvuzela line a bit disturbing, but only because I've been tormenting my sister, Vivian, by calling her Vuvu. Thanks for that!

I like her music, but I'd like to go one day without a Gaga stunt. Geez, go home and take some lithium.

BTW the word verification is 'nocat'. What is up with that?

Doc said...

Loved the bit about the difference between men and women. Women=Dance. Men=Beer. Simple as that.

Wonderful piece dear, as always.


Word Verification: Diastro.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahaha, YES!!!! Vuvuzela is the new vajayjay.

Pitch perfect Seinfeld, BTW.
: )

Living Shallow, Living Well said...

Was she drunk? If I'm at a baseball game, I'm drunk.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I am resistant to new pop music in general, but I tend to like all of Gaga's songs. However, if she went to a ball game to show off her outfit and give the finger, then she should not be allowed to sit with Jerry, an opportunity that tons of self-respecting NY fans would love.

SkylersDad said...

All of the big time popular "Stars" do the same thing don't they? Show up someplace dressed as an exhibitionist and claim they don't like being stared at?

gennifer6 said...

That girl needs to smoke more weed.


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