I'm sure you've all heard about Lady Gaga's recent trip to Citi Field, where she tried to take in a Mets game in a leather jacket and lingerie without attracting attention. However, when photographers and fans wouldn't leave her alone for some strange reason, she flipped everyone off and was promptly escorted to Jerry Seinfeld's private box, apparently for her own protection. Jerry wasn't too happy about the whole situation and had this to say:
This woman’s a jerk. I hate her...You take one 'A' off of that and you've got 'gag.'Luckily for you folks, I was able to get an EXCLUSIVE follow-up with Jerry, in which he continued his tirade against Lady "Gag!" Check it out...
So, this Lady Gaga, huh? I mean...what is the deal with her? If she's a lady, why is her name "Gaga?" Isn't that what babies say? And what about that? Why is "gaga" the first thing babies learn to say? If humans are really so intelligent, why don't babies come out of the womb learning to say, "I'm hungry?" Baby deer are up and running around like a minute after they're born! You mean to tell me that after years and years of evolution, human babies haven't learned to tell us why the heck they're crying? They can't figure out how to say, "Hey mom, I've got a situation in my diaper. You wanna, uh, take care of this?" I mean, come on!
And what is the deal with Lady Gaga wanting to be called "Lady" all the time? Is she royalty? Is that allowed? You mean all this time, I could have been telling people my name was Lord Jerry Seinfeld and they would all call me that, no questions asked? I want to be a Lord! Call me Lord! But nicknames don't work that way. You can't give yourself a nickname. If you have to give yourself a nickname, you either have no friends or you've never done anything interesting enough to warrant a nickname! Giving yourself a nickname is about the lamest thing you can do. If you give yourself a nickname, it might as well be "Lame-o," because that's what everyone will call you anyway. I mean, really! And why is it called a "nick" name? Who is this "Nick" fellow, going around naming everyone? And what was Nick's nickname?
And have you heard this Lady Gaga song, "Just Dance?" What is the deal with that? When you hear a song is called "Just Dance," you know that it was written by a woman. Because the biggest difference between men and women isn't their physical appearance or the way they handle emotions...the biggest difference between men and women is the importance of dance in one's life. Really! I mean, dancing is the cure-all for everything to you ladies, am I right? To a woman, "just dance" makes perfect sense. A woman says to her friend, "Oh, I'm so sad today...my boyfriend broke up with me, I hate my job, I'm behind in my rent..." and her friend says, "It's OK Sally...just dance!" And she does. Sally goes out and dances and life is wonderful again. That doesn't work for men. You're never sitting at the bar with your buddies, talking about how bad things are and one chugs his beer, leans over and says, "You know what we need to do tonight? We just need to dance!"
But seriously, that Lady Gaga...if she shows up at another Mets game with her vuvuzela hanging out, I think all the fans should get a chance to poke her face. Right? Whatever happens, she better stay away from MY BOX! Why should she get to go to a box? It isn't her box. It's my box! She doesn't belong in my box. Keep her outta MY BOX! No! No box!
(I love you, Jerry. The above nonsense is a shining example of why you're you and I'm me. )