Monday, October 25, 2010

Halloweek: Monday

Every day this week, I'll be treating you to some Halloween awesomeness. Now, keep in mind that this is "awesomeness" as I define it, which means that these things are much more awesome than the average person would give them credit for. Because I'm, like, awesomeness cubed.

Up first is a Halloween movie that everyone (at least the Gen X and Y kids) should know: The Worst Witch. Perhaps my memory isn't what it used to be, but I could swear that back in the mid-'80s, HBO played this movie year-round, twice a day on every other day. And I kind of thought it was awful back then, yet I would watch it every time it was on. I never knew why I couldn't tear myself away from it until I grew up. It was for the same reason that all little girls watched Labyrinth over and over, regardless of how stupid it was. Because of the male lead's creepy, ambiguous sexuality. It made us all feel...rather...strange.

Now, as The Grand Wizard (a rather unfortunate character name), Tim Curry didn't have quite the "package" that David Bowie's Goblin King did, but not many men—magical or not—do. Still, he had something. If you watch the movie as an adult, his "something" will actually make you feel a bit squirmy. There's a whole hell of a lot of sexual tension going on in this family film between Tim and...Ms. Hardbroom (oh, come on!)...all of the young witches...any other female cast member...himself... the brooms...the cats...the moon...his tambourine...just about anything and anyone, really.

Take this exchange at the end:

Mildred Hubble: "I suppose I better practice my flying."
Grand Wizard: (licks lips) "Would you like to practice with me?"
Mildred: "With YOU?"
Grand Wizard: (in that half charming/half menacing/all British way) "Ohhh...absolutely."

I know I'm not the only one who immediately thinks, "Oh my God, they're totally going to do it." Look, I know Mildred is only a kid, but she's a witch. They age faster. I think.

Anyway, you can't tell me that Fairuza Balk (who grew up to be super hot in a scary way) hasn't dreamed about Tim Curry every night since she made that movie. After all, she did try to channel him in The Craft.

If you really can't stomach the idea of sitting through The Worst Witch and its utter lack of special effects, at least watch the best part: Tim Curry's big number, "Anything Can Happen on Halloween." If you're one of my Facebook friends, I've already assaulted you with this more than once, and you should feel damned lucky.

"There may be a toad in your bass guitar." Bruce Springsteen wishes he could write lyrics like that.

Tim Curry's right, you know. Anything can happen on Halloween. Like, you could win The Big Wicked Online don't forget to enter!


Wings said...

I have never seen this one. Might need to change that.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oooh, a super young Tim Curry. He's creepy for sure.

Scope said...

I now know what I'm going to be next year for Halloween. That cape with the rods in the sleaves? The bat bow tie? Magic!

Heff said...

Tim Curry scares the shit out of me on MANY levels...

Alice said...

i am so disturbed now. and confused. in my lady parts.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

That video made me uncomfortable. It looks like he made it in one of those shops at the mall in the 1980's, and I don't like when he looks at me like that. Yuck.

red said...

I feel like I've seen this movie, but I don't remember this song...and I think that's something I'd remember, right?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I've never seen this movie. Don't know where I've been.

MJenks said...

My wife was telling me about this a couple of months ago, and she and I agreed that Tim Curry just came off as creepy and wrong, whereas David Bowie and his package had a certain sort of flare about him (them) that made the movie not feel full-on skeezy pedophiliac.

Cora said...

Nope, I have no recollection of that movie at all. Thank God.

Jay Amabile said...

haha, I LOVED this post. HBO DID indeed play the shit out of this. You are funny.


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