Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What's Pissing Me Off Now

There's always a list.


1. People who use the phrases "Made of win" and/or "Awesome sauce."
Really, hipsters? You're not annoying enough with your oversized, non-prescription glasses and array of old man cardigans? I guess I should say thanks for toning down the "my bad" usage, though. Finally.

2. Gwyneth Paltrow
I know there are a lot of people who hate this chick, and I've never been one of them. I've never had a particularly strong feeling about her one way or another. But maybe that's because she's never been shoved down my throat quite as much as she has been lately. The last straw was her guest stint on Glee last night. Well, "guest stint" isn't entirely accurate. It was kind of like an hour-long commercial/marketing tie-in for Country Strong that just happened to feature the cast of Glee. OK, Hollywood, I get it. Gwynnie sings. Gwynnie has a new movie coming out. (Which, from the trailer, looks like someone put a big-budget Lifetime movie in a blender with some dashes of the E! True Hollywood Story, Behind the Music and backstage footage from the CMT Awards and then forgot to put the lid on, so it just splashed around and made a giant mess.) That doesn't mean she gets to completely take over someone else's TV show. I mean, that "Singin' in the Rain/Umbrella" mashup? Terrible. BECKEYE WANT TO SMASH. And while I'm on the topic...

3. Glee
Now, I'm a total Gleek. But Season 2, aside from its very strong premiere, has been something of a disappointment thus far. Maybe I still miss Jonathan Groff (he's coming back in the second half!), but I'm having a harder time overlooking this show's weaknesses at this point. First, there's the Auto Tune issue. The Internet is abuzz over the voices behind New Directions' rival team, The Warblers: a cappella group Beelzebubs. But why is it a big deal when even they were Auto Tuned to all hell? An a cappella group!?!? I was originally a little miffed at my dear Damon Albarn for dissing Glee and swearing he'd never let them perform any of his songs, but then I had a nightmare that Finn and Puck did a robotic, Vocoded version of "Feel Good Inc." at the nurse's office with Mr. Schue doing the De La Soul rap and I began to understand where he's coming from. Secondly, Mr. Schue needs to step back. He is the teacher, not a member of Glee club. And even though it was just a dream, his "homage" to Donald O'Connor's famous "Make 'Em Laugh" number in this week's episode made me break out in hives. It was just such a poor imitation...and he even had to drag poor Mike Chang into it for the more physical stuff. Thirdly, I don't know if the writers are trying to make many of the characters more annoying, but they are. Especially Rachel. And even Kurt, who I love, is starting to grate on my nerves a bit...especially last night. I wanted to throw something at the TV during his exchange with Mercedes, in which he told her he wouldn't stop seeing Blaine (won't someone tell Kurt that's a major appliance?) and that she needed to stop eating to replace him in her life. This after he blew off his plans with her TWICE. How come Kurt wasn't taken to task for acting like a typical idiot who loses all consideration for his friends once a sweet piece comes along? Arrrrgh! There was just so much wrong with this week's episode, I can't get into it all here.

4. Tom Brady and his ridiculous hair
And it's not just because the Steelers had their asses handed to them by the Pats last week. I've never liked this wussy crybaby, but I've always at least been able to admit that he's a good looking dude. Yeah, not so much these days. Does he think he's Johnny Depp and just doesn't have to try anymore? I don't know what the hell Gisele has done to him (maybe she's trying to turn him into a male version of herself) but how can he think that any of his teammates take him seriously considering the state of his head? Did he think people would be intimidated by his little sideline menstrual tantrum after ending it by oh-so-delicately brushing the hair back from his eyes? God, I hate that guy. But I'll give him this: he's no rapist.

5. Never-ending Facebook notifications
Good Lord. I don't care if some dude I've never met left a painfully unfunny comment on a friend of a friend's picture three months after I left a comment. STOP EMAILING ME, ZUCKERBERG.

18 comments:

Barbara said...

Number five is a real problem...maybe now that you've said something, FB will take action.

Ditto on on Tom Brady - wuss.

Johnny D. doesn't have to TRY to be sexy, he just is.

Heff said...

OMG ! Heff HATES the Paltrow !!!

That is all.

J.J. in L.A. said...

LOVE Gwyneth's mom (Blythe Danner), HATE Gwyneth.

She just proves that talent isn't an inherited trait.

Mnmom said...

I'm torn on GLEE. It's not as much fun, but I don't want to admit that. Yeah that whole "Make'em Laugh" thing was just awkward. Agreed on Gwyneth - annoying as hell.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

In the immortal words of David Cassidy, I think I love you!

I am in full agreement except the football one because I don't DO football. But "Glee"? Absolutely. I'm not digging the second season at all - since the mid season hiatus thingie in season one, it just seems like one giant excuse for hyping established stars and while the show's never exactly been gritty reality based, now it's just ludicrous. And its once charming comedy cheese has become full on corny cheese. And I can barely look at Rachel without wanting to punch things.

Of course I still watch it...

Gwyneth's just trying to do a Bridges and make a country movie comeback and win an Oscar. Yawn.

Billy said...

Someone's gotta be the detractor. I loved Gwynnie when her head was in a box. I loved Gwynnie when she played an all-too-believable Estella. I loved her when she made David Schwimmer enjoyable in "The Pallbearer," a movie only I seem to have seen or enjoyed. I loved her next to Tony Stark the first time around, and I loved her just a little too much when she played Lady Viola.

To all those who hate her, I just say yay, more Gwynnie for me.

That said, I get the very distinct feeling I'm in love with the thought of Gwynnie and that the living breathing actual Gwynnie would despise me and convince me quickly to despise her back. That's why I love illusions.

Everything else you wrote? Totally agree. But Tom Brady can do anything he wants and still be a golden god.

Cora said...

Oh poo. I said "my bad" just yesterday.

Penny said...

Oh my darling...have I told you lately that...

I


Love


You????

I totally do.
I love your list. I agree with Gwinnie. Get over it! I refused to watch the CMA performance but Glee was horrid..Umbrella was bad, bad, bad.

As far as Glee-I agree with you. I thought I was the only one. It's getting really old how they snark the story line around just to fit in certain songs and create stupid drama just to have a show. I really only find Kurt's story interesting even though he was a giant douchebag on this weeks past show. I was a big fan of Rachel but even she, now makes me want to vomit when she starts talking.

I don't know how much longer I will last with this show.
You should do a whole post about Glee. I was just getting into that post and you stopped!! :( :(

As far as "Awesome sauce" and "Bag of win", I laughed out loud. I have never, in my life heard anyone say these things but I am pretty sure that if I did I would probably want to push them into traffic.

SkylersDad said...

This post is full of win!!

(ducks while shit flies overhead)

Just kidding... I hate Brady, but have to acknowledge he is a great QB. I can take or leave Gwyneth, but I hate the hell out of ALL the crossover marketing these days. And while I am ranting about that, can I just watch a show without having a promo or even more stupid tiny walking figure for the next show going across my screen?

I only watch some of the music from Glee on youtube, I can't sit through an entire episode.

You should sign up for a cause on Facebook if you feel the need for some additional spam. Holy tap-dancin christ! 3 or 4 notices a day!!

JenBetweenDots said...

You can turn off the emails on facebook! Go to account > account settings > notifications and un-checkmark all of them! ALL OF THEM - it's glorious.

As for Glee I don't watch it (I know, right?) so no comment, um Gwyneth - yeah I don't get it,

Logical Libby said...

Glee didn't jump the shark. The shark ate it.

cube said...

1. I have never even heard of these phrases. I must live a sheltered life.

2. I loved her mom, but have always hated Gwyneth until I saw her on Glee.

3. Glee has dropped the ball a bit this season, but, except for a few idiotic moments, I still enjoy the show.

4. Brady's hair is ridiculous considering what he does for a living. I laugh when I see those black guys with long dreadlocks sticking out of their helmets. It's a stoopid choice of hairstyle for a football player.

5. I don't do facebook. I also don't twitter. I think they're a waste of time... now blogging, that's a different matter ;-)

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Can I still use the phrase "asshat"? Because I am kinda fond of that one. I promise to take off my hipster glasses first.

dmarks said...

Gwyneth has a scrabble-accident name. But I was amazed that she didn't suck in "Iron Man"

bloody awful poetry said...

But..I say stuff like awesome sauce. Does this mean you love me no more??

And I've never heard of this Tom Brady person before but he is quite a fine looking man, I must say.

Malcolm said...

#5 on your list is why I don't "like" or comment on some Facebook posts.

gennifer6 said...

Ditto on Paltrow exactly, but have to disagree on Brady. I was a Brady-hater, he was just the pretty boy who won everything. I never thought he was attractive until he grew out all that rock-star hair, and I think as he's gotten older he's gotten more honest and direct and I kinda like that about him. :)

Coaster Punchman said...

I turned off the email alerts on FB long, long ago. My life improved immediately. Not sure I agree with you on all your Glee points though. I like it that it has become more of a musical rather than just showing their actual performances. Agree that we could do with a little less Schuester. Love the Warblers. Am also looking forward to Jonny Groff's return. You know he came out of the closet, right?

 

Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine