Thursday, March 24, 2011

American Idol 10: 3/24/11 Results

It's an Idol miracle! It's been revealed that Marc Anthony gave all of the Idolettes special, magic earpieces so that they could properly hear themselves while performing this week! Apparently this is why some people didn't suck as badly as usual last night! Hallelujah!!

Ohhh, you probably thought I was talking about that OTHER Idol miracle. Yeah, I'll get to that. I have to Seacrest this a bit though. (If "Seacrest" isn't listed in the urban dictionary as "waste time" or "pad with nonsense" or "drag things out needlessly," it really should be.)

Tonight's group sing of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" was more tragic than usual. When they weren't taking turns screaming, everyone kept playing hide and seek with the melody. Thank goodness Stevie Wonder showed up to clean that mess up. He did my favorite of his songs, "Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours" before launching into a "Happy Birthday" serenade to Steven Tyler, who just turned sixty-freaking-three. But he doesn't look a day over fabulous! (See what I did there?)

The Ford commercial was awful, as always. I'm just not even going to bother mentioning them anymore.

Ryan summoned Lauren, Pia and Scotty to center stage and tried to fake them out. We all knew none of them were going anywhere except back to the comfy couch, but nice try, Ry Ry.

Sugarland performed their new song, "Stuck Like Glue," following in a long tradition of special musical guests who have nothing to do with the week's theme. I kind of like this band, but I didn't dig this song. Was Jennifer Nettles trying to be reggae? And what the hell was she wearing? Was that a black diaper? Did she drive her time machine back to her part-time job at Units right after the show?

A video package showed how all the boys shared a love of professional wrestling. Then, when Ryan called James (the biggest wrestling fan) and Paul out to center stage, he told them they weren't safe. But he just meant that they weren't safe from Hulkamania running wild. James nearly peed his pants when Hulk Hogan came out to announce that he and Paul were both headed for the Idol tour. Then the Hulkster gave Seacrest some sort of wrestling bitch-slap and it was the first time I ever felt genuinely disappointed that wrestling is fake.

Jacob, Thia and Stefano were called out next. Jacob was the only one safe, making me 2-2 with my predictions. Sadly, I didn't go 3-3. Somehow Casey was put in the Bottom 3 instead of Haley.

Jennifer Hudson returned to the Idol stage to perform her new song, "Where You At." J-Hud looked great but I just wasn't feeling that song. But hey, she had George Huff singing backup!

Ryan finally got around to the final results. He let Thia off the hook first, leaving it between Casey and Stefano. When Seacrest announced that Casey was the lowest vote-getter, gasps abounded. It sounded like 5,000 David Archuletas in that studio. Casey was then forced to sing for his life. Oh, what a terrible turn of events! It's only the Top 11! The judges would never use their ONE save this early in the game! Casey is surely toast! It's just like that time Yukon Cornelius fell off that cliff with the Bumble! CASEY!!! He's gone! Oh, he's GONE!!!

But wait! You can't count our dear friend Casey out just yet. Didn't I ever tell you about Bumbles? Bumbles bounce!

And the judges bounce, too. They bounced Casey right back into the competition. Hell, he only had to sing a few bars before Randy waved for him to stop. THE JUDGES DIDN'T NEED CASEY TO PROVE ANYTHING TO THEM, DAMMIT! THEY KNOW WHO HE IS!! THEY KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THIS COMPETITION...AND TO THE WORLD!!! He will be the first Idolette to be saved this early in the game! He will force us to re-examine everything we thought we knew about life when he becomes the first member of the Top 11 to ever join the Idol tour!

Ah, this would all be so great if it weren't so scripted, wouldn't it?

I don't think Casey knew anything about it (although his twitchy display of shock and gratitude was a bit over-the-top and had me worried that I was about to witness an actual death), but the producers, Seacrest and the judges sure did. I'm not necessarily suggesting that Casey didn't really get the lowest number of votes (but I've long believed that the "voting results" aren't always legit). I'm just saying that as soon as they knew one way or another that Casey was going to be the one on the chopping block, they concocted this ZOMG, SHOCKER! to help boost ratings and maybe sell some tickets to the tour. I mean, come on, that moment was so contrived. Wasn't it? Or am I just, as Steven Tyler might say, j-j-j-jaded?

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.


Ian said...

We were almost spared from having to sit through another Casey Abrams performance, but the judges were so intent on convincing us this guy is good that they spent the save on him. As least we don't have to be reminded the save exists for the rest of the season.

Wings said...

I think it's kind of sad they wasted the SAVE on this dude. He will end up going home next week and the SAVE is now gone.

But the show was pretty damn good, if you ask me. This one hour is so much better than padding it out to two hours. Everything still fit in and felt more exciting cause it was boom-bang-zoom. Not sure if that makes sense, but yeah.

And really - do those horrid commercials ever drive up sales for the cars? I don't think so.

Cora said...

Stevie Wonder, Hulk Hogan AND birthday cake! It was a great show if you ask me.

Zed said...

I sort of like Casey. He's nuts, but amusingly so. But Thia, she's got to go. Please, someone make Thia go home!

I of course feel just terrible putting down a child (well, not really), but so be it. You said earlier: Heat Wave” started out promising, but quickly settled into high school talent show territory. Oh tell me about it.

OK, returning to bed to nurse my gastroenteritis (stomach flu). It's possible I'm being punished for disliking Thia.

Vina said...

Your picture of "Yukon Cornelius" made me LAUGH OUT LOUD (for several seconds!) Too hilarious! I enjoy reading your summaries of AI so very much.

Scope said...

I've wondered if the judges knew ahead of time the results. As soon as Casey was listed as the loser, I knew that he would be saved. And it took them seconds to confer on it?

They knew.

They didn't have enough time left in the show to let him sing, and then "confer" while they showed J-Lo's new video or whatever, while they. pretended to chat. They had to dispense with the pretext, or run long.

Dale said...

Casey was probably the only one who didn't know. I love your graphic and I actually really like him.

Anonymous said...

I like Casey too. I'm glad they saved him, I can think of three off the top of my head that need to go. Paul, Scotty (not a fan of country) and Thia.

Anonymous said...

But, Lauren's reaction WAS hilarious. If you watch it again, there's a part (right before Casey says they scared "the stuff" out of him) that it shows all the other contestants together. Lauren's face is great.

Go Casey, for the record :)

- Kimizzy, even though you probably don't remember me

BeckEye said...

I totally remember you, Kimizzy! I was just cleaning up my following gadget the other day, removing dead links and such, and I ended up removing yours because I thought you stopped blogging. Did you? Are did you start a new one? Or were you charmed away from the blogosphere completely by Facebook and Twitter, like so many others? :)

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, it's a combination of rigorous math courses and how EASY facebook is to keep in touch with people when you're lazy like me. I'll send you an invite through Fran's (I think I've seen you on his FB?). But I HAVE planned on getting back to blogging, and hopefully I will soon. I'd like to redo a lot on there: template, links, etc etc. Glad you remember me :D



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