Tonight's theme, boys and girls, is "Songs From Your Personal Idols," one that I think is being interpreted rather loosely by some of these contestants.
Lauren Alaina is up first, and she gets to work with famed producer Don Was. I know this guy has an extensive resume, but every time I hear his name, all I can think of is that ghastly "Walk the Dinosaur" song. In fact, accomplished as he may be, I would never be able to take any kind of advice from Don Was because I would just be like, "Oh, you don't like what I'm doing with this song? Well, what if I threw a few boom boom ackalackalacka booms in there?" And perhaps Lauren should have considered working some Neanderthal noises into her lackluster cover of Shania Twain's "Any Man of Mine," because this is just like karaoke night at Magoo's! Steven wishes the song would have been "a little more kick-ass." J.Lo tells Lauren that she doesn't even have to try, but to PLEASE TRY. Randy says nothing of consequence. Lauren wears a look of disbelief one might expect from a coddled teenager who's used to everyone sprinkling fairy dust up her ass every time she opens her mouth to sing. In her defense, she tells Seacrest (stop trying to make "Peaches" happen, Lauren...it isn't gonna happen), "I didn't do a ballad, 'cause that's what everybody does." Yeah...that's the way to make friends! I bet this one's really popular around the Idol Mansion.