American Idol 10: 4/14/11 Results

[dramatic music] In a world where many quality shows fill the television landscape, one woman dared to watch 'American Idol' and recap it for the masses. You'll laugh...you'll cry...you'll never be the same after looking into...The Pop Eye.

Tonight's AI results show sticks with the trend of putting the remaining contestants in groups to perform live. Of course, Lauren and Scotty get paired up again for a country song to remind us that they're country singers. I know I don't usually have many nice things to say about Lauren, but I'll give her this: she looks really good in yellow. It's worth mentioning because that's a hard color for a white chick to pull off. And, since I'm being nice, I won't discuss the golden ashtrays that are hanging from her ears.

This week's Ford commercial features a zombie attack, and Paul is upset that he portraying a guy on a picnic instead of a zombie. But it was a wise casting choice made for the sake of realism. Because, while Paul may be skinny enough to pass for a long-dead person, not even the best special effects artists could make his teeth look rotten. The Idolettes do a fantastic job on their cover of Neon Trees' "Animal," though. I mean, if I didn't know better, I'd have thought it was really a pack of zombies singing! Way to commit to that theme, kids.

Clearly wanting to capitalize on the rumors that Casey and Haley are dating, the producers have them duet on the not-at-all-suggestively-titled jazz song, "Moanin'." I am all prepared to make a gazillion jokes but then Haley blows it out tha box, yo. Seriously. I'm kind of stunned. Turns out the girl has quite a voice. I guess she just doesn't know how to use it most of the time. She should only sing songs like this from now on. Even the judges, who tongue bathe the girl when she's just growling horribly off-key, had no idea that Haley could sing this well. But they don't have any idea about a lot of things.

Casey, Haley, Scotty and Lauren are all summoned by Ryan to learn their fates, and Haley is the only one to land in the Bottom 3. I'm 1-1 so far. The best I can do is 2-3 because I foolishly picked Casey to be in the Bottom 3 simply because I got tired of putting Stefano in every week. Now I'm pretty sure I should have stuck with my first instinct.

In a taped segment, Rob Reiner stops by to talk to the Idolettes about movie music. (I'm wondering now why James Durbin didn't sing "Sex Farm" last night.) Hmm, he doesn't have a new movie coming out, so could it be that someone actually showed up on Idol with nothing to promote? Amazing!

It's always good to see/hear Kelly Clarkson (still the best Idol), who shows up to perform with country singer Jason Aldean because they apparently have a hit single out. So, this is like From Jason to Kelly, which isn't nearly as good as From Justin to Kelly, which I've seen three times. I'll make no apologies for it. It's a pretty hilariously awful movie. I highly recommend it.

Speaking of hilariously awful, what's up with this Cowboys and Aliens movie? I guess, on one hand, I have to appreciate that Hollywood thought up something kind of new rather than just doing a half-assed movie version of some lame '70s TV show. But really, what coked-out screenwriter came up with this? What's next, Peasants and Ghosts? Spartans and Vampires? Vikings and Robots? These ideas are all going to be stolen, aren't they?

Paul, Stefano and James replace band-mate Casey with Jacob for a medley of "The Sound of Silence/Mrs. Robinson." I don't know if it's the lineup change or if they just rehearsed more, but this sounds much better than their Wings debacle two weeks ago. But I swear Paul is just trying to imitate Cat Stevens.

Ryan lets Paul and Stefano know they are in the Bottom 3. (Dammit! I could've gone 3-3.) They join Haley on the uncomfortable stools, where they're held captive during Rihanna's performance. Hmm...she should probably never go anywhere without her AutoTune mic.

The results are in and I'm wrong—Haley lives to moan another day. Sadly, Dancing Paul is sent packing. And just as I was really beginning to love him, too. He doesn't seem too upset about it, though, as he happily sings us out with "Maggie May." I'm sure Paul will be just fine. There's a whole big world out there for him to explore. He could collect his books and and get on back to school. Or he could steal his daddy's cue and make a living out of playing pool. But he'll probably just go back to his rock and roll band, who've been given a helping hand thanks to his appearance on AI.

As a tribute to Idol's Alabama Rose, here is a collage of my contributions to the all-too-short-lived Dancing Paul meme. (More fun photos can be found on the Dancing Paul Tumblr.) Enlarge for maximum memosity.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.