Because I tuned in late to tonight's results show, I was able to fast forward through a lot of garbage (i.e., nearly everything). So, this recap will be a quickie.
BUT IT WILL BE NO LESS SHOCKING!
SHOCK #1: Iggy Pop is on the show. How did they talk him into this? Is he bankrupt? Does he have a memoir coming out?
SHOCK #2: Russell Brand stops by and is actually amusing. Wow, first time this guy has made me laugh since Forgetting Sarah Marshall. In a taped segment, Mr. Perry talks to the Idolettes about upping their performance skills, advising them to do coke, take their tops off (and not just the ladies), and sing from their groins. And then he calls Casey Abrams a "gorgeous hairball of wonder," which trumps any of the nonsense that Steven Tyler has barfed up so far.
SHOCK #3: Someone let Constantine Maroulis bang her. And there's proof: it has procreated. *insert Sideshow Bob shudder here* I FFed through his performance, so I have no idea what the human oil slick sang but I'm willing to bet it wouldn't have been SHOCKINGLY good.
SHOCK #4: During the Idolettes' trip to the TMZ office (evidently to receive advice on how not to end up tabloid fodder), Jacob Lusk asks if one of the staff members is single. A FEMALE staff member.
SHOCK #5: PIA TOSCANO IS ELIMINATED! EVERYONE CRIES! THE AUDIENCE TURNS ANGRY! J. LO AND RANDY WANT TO SMASH!! THE SKY TURNS RED!! THE OCEANS BOIL!!! SUDDENLY, EVERYTHING WE THOUGHT WE KNEW ABOUT THE WORLD MAKES NO SENSE!!!
So, yeah. In a SHOCKING turn of events, we have to say "see ya" to Pia. Sure, maybe it's a SHOCK based on her vocal ability, but is anyone really surprised that this season of Idol is turning into yet another sausage fest? And was there anyone not expecting a SHOCKING elimination after the judges burned their save so early? This is all so beautifully scripted.
As for me, I'm not really that sad to see Pia go. Yes, she has a great voice but there are a million other girls just like her trying to clog up our airwaves with their soaring ballads. We really don't need that many. And I think it's really kind of funny that she got booted the week that she finally did an up-tempo song. I mean, come on. That's delicious. Also, she looked kind of smug standing there on the chopping block with Stefano, whom everyone (including me) assumed would be going home. Then when Seacrest dropped the bomb, no one looked more SHOCKED than Pia. Well, except for maybe Stefano.
What was the biggest NON-SHOCK of the evening, you ask? Seacrest prodding Pia to sing one last time...at 9:01. Ah, let those Bones fans wait.
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