Thursday, April 07, 2011

American Idol 10: 4/7/11 Results

Because I tuned in late to tonight's results show, I was able to fast forward through a lot of garbage (i.e., nearly everything). So, this recap will be a quickie.

BUT IT WILL BE NO LESS SHOCKING!

SHOCK #1: Iggy Pop is on the show. How did they talk him into this? Is he bankrupt? Does he have a memoir coming out?

SHOCK #2: Russell Brand stops by and is actually amusing. Wow, first time this guy has made me laugh since Forgetting Sarah Marshall. In a taped segment, Mr. Perry talks to the Idolettes about upping their performance skills, advising them to do coke, take their tops off (and not just the ladies), and sing from their groins. And then he calls Casey Abrams a "gorgeous hairball of wonder," which trumps any of the nonsense that Steven Tyler has barfed up so far.

SHOCK #3: Someone let Constantine Maroulis bang her. And there's proof: it has procreated. *insert Sideshow Bob shudder here* I FFed through his performance, so I have no idea what the human oil slick sang but I'm willing to bet it wouldn't have been SHOCKINGLY good.

SHOCK #4: During the Idolettes' trip to the TMZ office (evidently to receive advice on how not to end up tabloid fodder), Jacob Lusk asks if one of the staff members is single. A FEMALE staff member.

SHOCK #5: PIA TOSCANO IS ELIMINATED! EVERYONE CRIES! THE AUDIENCE TURNS ANGRY! J. LO AND RANDY WANT TO SMASH!! THE SKY TURNS RED!! THE OCEANS BOIL!!! SUDDENLY, EVERYTHING WE THOUGHT WE KNEW ABOUT THE WORLD MAKES NO SENSE!!!

So, yeah. In a SHOCKING turn of events, we have to say "see ya" to Pia. Sure, maybe it's a SHOCK based on her vocal ability, but is anyone really surprised that this season of Idol is turning into yet another sausage fest? And was there anyone not expecting a SHOCKING elimination after the judges burned their save so early? This is all so beautifully scripted.

As for me, I'm not really that sad to see Pia go. Yes, she has a great voice but there are a million other girls just like her trying to clog up our airwaves with their soaring ballads. We really don't need that many. And I think it's really kind of funny that she got booted the week that she finally did an up-tempo song. I mean, come on. That's delicious. Also, she looked kind of smug standing there on the chopping block with Stefano, whom everyone (including me) assumed would be going home. Then when Seacrest dropped the bomb, no one looked more SHOCKED than Pia. Well, except for maybe Stefano.

What was the biggest NON-SHOCK of the evening, you ask? Seacrest prodding Pia to sing one last time...at 9:01. Ah, let those Bones fans wait.


Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

19 comments:

Dave said...

I'm sorry to see Pia go because if Idol becomes one big dude-o-rama, I'm going to get really bored, really quick. Just as you need your fix of Michael Johns eye candy, I need to see some boobage that's not attached to jailbait.

Coaster Punchman said...

You beyotch, I'm trying not to laugh cuz it hurts (see today's CPW) and then you have to go and say that about Can't-Stand-Tine. I nearly inhaled my cough drop from laughing. Don't ever do that again. Just kidding, do it more.

I can vouch for you personally that his performance was every bit as hideous as all of his Idol performances put together. I never, ever got what the public, or the judges, ever saw in that guy. He should be the hairball of wonder.

tennysoneehemingway said...

What the hell? They eliminated the hot chick? So what if she sounds like everyone else - SHE'S THE HOT CHICK!!!!! That would NEVER happen in Australia (cough, cough), I can tell you. How can they elimate the hot chick, and leave the country guy in who looks like he should be in a sheltered workshop? There's no justice, I tells ya.

Ian said...

Scotty's eventual victory just became a little more inevitable.

spin doc said...

The judges act shocked every time a contestant is eliminated

Dale said...

I actually for a second fell for the Lusk elimination fake out perhaps because I so wanted it to happen after his remarks.

I howled when Russell told Casey it was great to see him not shaking. And poor Iggy! I wish he'd turn himself into some stylish luggage at this point.

Caffeinated Joe (Wings) said...

I actually commented about the "drama" at the end on Facebook, cause really, WTF??? This is IDOL, people are voted off til we get to ONE winner. Why is this super shocking??? I guess if it had been Stefano, they would have been okay. It SHOULD have been Jakob, arrogant @$$.

Caffeinated Joe (Wings) said...

Stefano also, btw, had the look of "Oh crap! I am running out of people to go before me!" heh

Kesia Monteith said...

"Stefano also, btw, had the look of "Oh crap! I am running out of people to go before me!" heh"

Don't worry Stefano...first Jacob, then Haley, and soon, oh very soon, you're next. Your extra time with Mom and Pops will come before top 5. And if there is a God, country bumpkins Lauren and Scotty lockthemdoorsandturnonthefreakingdamnlights will not make top 2.

Cora said...

Who knew Stefano's eyes could open that wide? He looked just like that bushbaby dude from a few years ago! LOL

Scope said...

Pia leaving takes T(.)(.) of the most interesting things from the show. And, she was the best of the remaining girls.

Stefano has got to feel like he's dodging bullets now. At least he had the smarts to give her a nice long hug after the announcement.

The only girl who is in any danger for a while is Haley. So, Stefano, Scotty, Jacob, & Paul - You better start your sabotage NOW!

Chancelucky said...

If the demographic is tweenage females who only vote for males they might find appealing, I'm not sure why Ford and Coke are the main sponsors. I suppose the viewing audience is maybe a lot different from the voting audience.

It's always been a popularity contest and not a talent contest. There's also the matter of the CD/download buying and concertgoing public is very different from the Idol voting audience too. Last time I checked Kris Allen won and Chris Daughtry did not.

I thought Pia had a great voice, but I confess each time she performed I kept thinking, she'd do great on Broadway or in Las Vegas. I wasn't sure who would buy her music.If Idol had existed in 1987 and she were the right age then, she probably would have won.

Chancelucky said...

fwiw, I do agree that her lungs were impressive in all senses.

Zeitgeisty said...

Aw, don't feel too bad for Pia. An early exit will give her a few more weeks to put together that Celene Dion tribute record and PBS pledge drive special before the Big Idolettes Tour. Chancelucky's right. Pia is genuinely talented, but her style is not contemporary. It's just a matter of time before she ends up in that David Foster ghetto with Katharine McPhee, Josh Groban and Michael Buble.

Madam Z said...

What is this "American Idol" of which you speak? I know not, but I have judged your writing to be excellent.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I was out so I missed it all. I can't believe it. I thought for sure she was the winner.

Go figure.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I totally misread that last line as "Seacrest pudding" and was instantly horrified and repelled. I imagine Seacrest pudding tastes of Old Spice, fawning, hair gel, happy sperms and silicone.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Did you fail to mention Christian Slater in the audience, or was that another episode?

Anyway, I'm still pulling for Tuerette's Guy.

cube said...

I'm not watching this season, but I did hear about the Pia's pink slip. I guess the judges screwed up when they used the one save on Grizzly Dan, eh? Like he had better stage presence than Pia. Yeah, right.

 

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