TV Refuses To Loosen Its Already Tight Grip On Me

Despite my on-again/off-again fake relationship with Simon Cowell, I had absolutely no intention of watching his Americanized version of The X Factor when it debuts this September. None. Until today...when I found out that the crafty Brit cast Paula Abdul as one of the judges. Now I have to watch, right? It's gonna be American Idol v2.0, with acid-tongued Simon, incoherent Pauler and a Randy Jackson look-a-like (L.A. Reid). However, early reports paint L.A. Reid as the "meanest judge," which must mean he has more to offer than a handful of catch-phrases, incorrectly-used idioms and loud barking.

Unfortunately, Simon learned nothing from AI's four-judge era, and has also cast pop tart Cheryl Cole, the UK's low-rent Victoria Beckham. Will she be the Kara DioGuardi of the group or the Ellen Degeneres? I'm guessing that she'll be a combination of both, full of Kara's wrong information, condescension, arsenal of bitch-faces and propensity for breaking out into song with a dash of Ellen's complete inability to actually critique anyone.

As for Paula, her drama has started already, as she is refusing to pay United Talent Agency for landing her this job. P-Ab claims that she got the gig as a result of her relationship with Lord Cowell, so she shouldn't have to give her agents 10% of her $2M+ earnings. Amazingly enough, I kind of agree with her on this. Simon was clearly interested in getting Pauler for the show from the get-go, so what did her agents even do? I'm guessing not a whole hell of a lot. And for those of you who think that 10% of millions isn't that much and she should just pay it: it's not the money; it's the principle. And, more importantly, that's money that could be going towards drugs.