Confession time, folks: I totally zonked out while watching last night's American Idol results show. Lisa Marie Presley lulled me to sleep with her wannabe Stevie Nicks lost and lip synching in a forest of goth weirdos routine. Oh, and because I was so concerned about making sure I didn't miss the three-part Community finale, I forgot to set the DVR to tape the rest of Idol. But hey, the Internet is a wonderful thing. I got to hear second-hand about what happened, and now you can get that same info third-hand from me!
PP prevailed, which is what I predicted. However, he prevailed over the wrong person. I thought it would be a Phillip/Joshua Finale, but Joshua was sent packing in favor of Jessica, proving that standing ovations don't count for anything. If the eventual winner is truly decided by popular vote, PP has it in the bag. If the winner is decided by producers who would be embarrassed by having to crown the fifth WGWG in a row, then it'll be Jessica. See what I did there? I covered my ass either way!
I also heard that Adam Lambert performed a new single. Although I hated his debut album (save for the wonderfully catchy "Whattya Want From Me"), I had to look up his performance. I'm always hoping that one day he'll go back to being awesome. Yesterday was not the day. All I can say is that the song ("Never Close Our Eyes") was not the worst thing I've ever heard. And I appreciate that he's trying to bring neon back. But I honestly don't see a long, illustrious career for Mme. Glambert.
In other news, there's a rumor that Jennifer Lopez might not be coming back to Idol next year. It seems there are people who would be upset by this. I am not one of them. I mean, who cares? What value does she really bring to the show? What value do any of the judges bring, really? It doesn't matter who's on the panel, because they all kind of say the same shit. What is it about a judge's chair that turns a normal person with real opinions into a soft shell (see: Stern, Howard)? We need someone who won't just play nice because they're on camera. Replace J.Lo with Mary J. Ooh, or what about Katy Perry? I seem to recall that she was a pretty great guest judge during the auditions a few years ago.
Maybe Jen's new status as Forbes' Most Powerful Celebrity has her thinking she can force Idol into giving her more money? Maybe she can. But can you believe that THIS ---->
is the world's most powerful celebrity?
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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.