Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:
Hilary Duff is getting set to release a Greatest Hits compilation. - How long have I been asleep? What year is this? Good Lord. I've also heard that Jesse McCartney will be presented with the Lifetime Achievement Award at the 2006 Grammys.
PETA crowns Carrie Underwood and Coldplay's Chris Martin "World's Sexiest Vegetarians". - At the exact time this was announced, a monkey in a French pharmaceutical lab was having lit cigarettes shoved up its ass while being doused with hairspray.
New Jersey woman pretends to be Jessica Simpson's assistant to snag free merchandise. - This woman, Courtney Handel, was actually arrested for fooling several companies into sending her freebies just by claiming she was Simpson's personal assistant. It's times like these that I wish I were a defense lawyer. The real crime is that celebrities, who are swimming in cash, are given free stuff all the time! To me, this is just poetic justice. The girl didn't physically steal anything and didn't use force or extortion, so what is the crime? These companies were stupid enough to believe that she was who she said she was, and even more moronic to just blindly ship off their goods in the hopes that the poor man's Daisy Duke might give them a shout-out one day. Courtney should get to keep everything and get her own show on MTV.
O.J. Simpson gets caught stealing cable. - Jeez, you let a guy get away with murder and he thinks he can get away with everything. Apparently, during a search of Simpson's home related to a different investigation, the Feds found some bootloaders, used to descramble the DirecTV signal. A suit was filed and a judge has already found in DirecTV's favor. Simpson's lawyer plans to appeal while Juice heads out to the golf course to hunt for the real bootleggers.
McDonalds signs an exclusive deal to promote DreamWorks films. - Big corporations get richer and we all get fatter. Not big news. I'm just waiting for summer blockbusters like Grimace and Shrek's Bogus Journey.
Hilary Duff is getting set to release a Greatest Hits compilation. - How long have I been asleep? What year is this? Good Lord. I've also heard that Jesse McCartney will be presented with the Lifetime Achievement Award at the 2006 Grammys.
PETA crowns Carrie Underwood and Coldplay's Chris Martin "World's Sexiest Vegetarians". - At the exact time this was announced, a monkey in a French pharmaceutical lab was having lit cigarettes shoved up its ass while being doused with hairspray.
New Jersey woman pretends to be Jessica Simpson's assistant to snag free merchandise. - This woman, Courtney Handel, was actually arrested for fooling several companies into sending her freebies just by claiming she was Simpson's personal assistant. It's times like these that I wish I were a defense lawyer. The real crime is that celebrities, who are swimming in cash, are given free stuff all the time! To me, this is just poetic justice. The girl didn't physically steal anything and didn't use force or extortion, so what is the crime? These companies were stupid enough to believe that she was who she said she was, and even more moronic to just blindly ship off their goods in the hopes that the poor man's Daisy Duke might give them a shout-out one day. Courtney should get to keep everything and get her own show on MTV.
O.J. Simpson gets caught stealing cable. - Jeez, you let a guy get away with murder and he thinks he can get away with everything. Apparently, during a search of Simpson's home related to a different investigation, the Feds found some bootloaders, used to descramble the DirecTV signal. A suit was filed and a judge has already found in DirecTV's favor. Simpson's lawyer plans to appeal while Juice heads out to the golf course to hunt for the real bootleggers.
McDonalds signs an exclusive deal to promote DreamWorks films. - Big corporations get richer and we all get fatter. Not big news. I'm just waiting for summer blockbusters like Grimace and Shrek's Bogus Journey.
Comments
Rock on!
;)
P.S. Thanks for the kindness you posted on my blog. I think I'm gonna blogroll ya.
Hmm, now I'm hungry. I'll get right on that after I throw a T-bone on the grill for myself.
Save the broccoli! Kill the vegans!
Peta is a strange group of people.
agree with celebs getting way too much shit for free.
Maybe OJ thought he would "slash" their price. I am funny, thank you.
I hate McDonalds
Love,
Joel
Funny as hell, Beck, as usual your genius goes unquestioned.
Angela :)