Friday, September 16, 2005

Eye Boogers

Why yes, "Eye Boogers" is becoming a recurring topic. Thanks for noticing!

Britney Pops Out Her Kid - It's a boy named Sean. Didn't Brit get the memo that all children of celebrities must have bizarre names? I guess she and the hubby are trying to give the poor kid a break by giving him a normal name. No reason to make his childhood more traumatic than it needs to be. Although he'll probably grow up thinking that his name is actually Yermommasaho. (That's right, sound it out.)

Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney Split - Wow, another casualty of the Hollywood marriage-go-round. The only people who are shocked by this still think that Milli Vanilli could really sing. Renee's only explanation for the break-up is one cryptic word: "fraud". What could that mean, I wonder? Fraud is a word generally reserved for identity-theft cases, not divorces. Is his tractor not as sexy as he claimed? Did she find out that no shirt and no shoes really do equal problems? Or was it something a little more common? Renee dear, lots of guys exaggerate about what's going on "down there". But when you get married, you've gotta roll with the punches, honey.

Geena Davis Stars as The President in New Series - Oh sure, like the press wouldn't find out about that little crime spree she went on with Susan Sarandon.

Man Breaks Couch Potato Record - Suresh Joachim now holds the Guinness world record for longest time spent watching TV, at 69 hours and 48 minutes. Immediately following this feat, Joachim also broke the record for biggest ass-sore.

John O'Hurley and Kelly Monaco Ready for Dance-Off - Ah, a good old fashioned dance-off. That's how we always settled disputes back in my day. The dubious "champion" of Dancing with the Stars, Kelly Monaco, will square off once again with runner-up John "Got Robbed" O'Hurley for a final showdown. America once again gets to decide the winner. The public has a history of liking anything second-rate, so I'm predicting Monaco to come out on top once again. However, I'm sure ABC would like nothing better than an O'Hurley victory so they can air a "Best of Three" show later this fall. The concept hasn't been properly milked dry just yet. So, I may have to change my prediction. In other words, I've just covered myself so that regardless of the outcome, I'm right.

50 Cent Disses Brangelina - Fiddy thinks that Brad and Ang are stupid for being so hush-hush about their relationship stating, "If Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were open, they wouldn't have paparazzi following them". Take notice folks. Mark this day in your calendars because this is the only time you will ever see this phrase written on my blog. I agree with Mr. Cent completely. Can't stand the guy, but he's right. The press and some of the more gossip-hungry fans are like little kids. Kids want whatever they can't have. Brad and Angelina just need to come forward and lay it on the line. Then people will lose interest. Remember when Ang was dating Billy Bob Thornton and they happily told the paparazzi that they shagged in the car on the way over to wherever the heck they were? Everyone jotted it down and then backed away slowly. TMI will get the media off your backs pronto.


Edge said...

I love this format ... you are queen ...

Ya, my wife and in-laws were discussing Kenny and Rene at 6:15 AM. Ya, no big shoes, big problem for Rene.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I LOVE the Britney kid's last name! I'm dying here!

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

I have a coworker who has young children and one day the 7-year-old asked her mother what a "ho" was. My strong, assertive, Latina, feminist coworker's response was, "Britney Spears." Nice. I can just see the 7-year-old going back to school and gleefully telling all her classmates she wants to be a ho when she grows up. I wonder how many kids this has happened to.

JC said...

Maybe the reason Brad and Angelina are so "private" is they are hoping to be chased by the cameras? Hey, what did Brit name the baby?

Bar Bar A said...

Sean really is a nice name...they must have done that to be different don't you think? Hoepfully it will start a new trend. The dumbest baby name I know of is Ripkin. He's my nephew's cousin, I feel sorry for the poor kid.

Renee is now asking for "privacy during the breakup". I hate to break this to her, but when you do a layout for People announcing your married then change your mind 5 months later...people talk. It's part of being one of those mutli million dollar celebritys. I do feel sad for her but it's silly to act like people aren't going to butt into this, it's a celeb story!!!

Great reporting, Beck!

Mr. Happy said...

I would totally watch your show on E.

no milk said...

i disagree that even if brad and angelina were open, they would have less paparazzi. case in point reese witherspoon and hubby were chased down by paparazzi into an accident. how much more open can you be?


no milk please

pia said...

Didn't Rene just get married in June? Didn't they know each other for like five minutes?

Should have lived together for a year at least first like normal people

Masha said...

You know what I'm surprised about, is that BRITNEY is still married!

Teri said...

The Britney kid name thing - I am laughing so hard I'm afraid I'm going to pee myself.

Brangelina said...

Keeping the Brangelina relationship as an elusive mystery did wonders for selling Mr. and Mrs. Smith tickets.

Slowly building the relationship in the public also helped Jen from going postal on Brad.

Brangelina Blog

Lee Ann said...

One of the names Britney was thinking of was London. That probably would have been more fitting than Sean, as you say, celebs are supposed to name their kids after something odd. I wondered about the "fraud" thing with Renee and Kenny. I just cannot imagine! Hilarious if it is what you said about what is going on "down there". I agree with you on both counts of "Fiddy", 1. Can't stand him. 2. He's right. I, myself, really don't see the fascination with Brad and Angelina....oh well!

The Everglades said...

Yeah, I'm ready for a meteor to hit the earth because I agree with 50 Cent's too. How can this be. 50 Cent's actually made a point I agree with. Thanks, BeckEye.



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