Friday, October 28, 2005

Halloween Costumes That Should Be Buried

This Halloween, I find myself with absolutely no plans. I'll probably sit here like a lump and pass out candy on Halloween night, but as far as the weekend goes, I have no parties to go to. I always loved going to costume parties, but I always got really stressed out about what I was going to dress as. I'm a big fan of homemade costumes. I think it's a perfect opportunity to show off some creativity and create a disguise that 20 other people won't be wearing. I have gone the "costume in a bag" route a few times when I was in a time crunch and out of clever ideas. Even then, I would try to pick out the least popular or worst-selling costume available so I wouldn't look like everyone else. Halloween is a great time to bring out hidden parts of your personality, and a pre-made get-up does nothing to showcase your individuality.

There are certain costumes that actually irritate me enough to the point where I want to go up to the person wearing one and yank it off of them. These are costumes that are so played-out and boring, yet the people wearing them think they are so awesome. And I know that everyone doesn't have the time or energy to make their own costumes or even rummage around Halloween Adventure looking for just the right outfit, but a little imagination wouldn't kill anyone. I have nothing against the old stand-bys like ghost, vampire, devil or witch. They're Halloween classics. These aren't.

French Maid - Oh, how I loathe the French Maid outfit. If I see a girl at a party dressed like this, I immediately dislike her. Most girls who opt for this costume basically think they are hot, even if they're not, and they spend the entire night giggling and pretending that they're worried that the skirt is too short. Occasionally one might utter something like, "Gee, I had no idea this skirt was this short...I probably should've worn underwear!" Now, I know that all men love this outfit. That's a no-brainer. To me, Halloween is not about looking hot. But, if you're a college-age girl you most likely think it is. Less popular but still annoying costumes in the same vein are the Playboy Bunny, Regular Bunny and Kitty Cat. Any excuse to wear a skimpy leotard, right girls? And let's not forget the favorite of the past few years, the Britney Spears/Catholic Schoolgirl look. Her minions are just as original as she is.

Sexy Nurse - Another male fantasy. But unless you're going to a Halloween party at a strip club, why bother? Halloween has somehow turned into Sexual Fetish Night, and I don't know when exactly the change occurred. I have met a few French Maids that actually turned out to be nice women, but I've never met a "sexy nurse" that I didn't want to punch. I was going to use the sexy nurse costume one year, but planned on making some alterations. The idea was to look somewhat va-va-voom, but I was going to wear really screwed up, heavy black eyeliner, lots of red red lipstick, and smear fake blood all over my chest and down onto the costume. I was going to carry a fake hatchet around and sport a nametag that read "R.N. Ratchet". I thought it was a great idea but I couldn't find the right nurse outfit. I wasn't spending $30 on the flimsy pre-made one at the costume store. So I ended up nixing the idea. If anyone wants to use it, feel free.

Priest/Pregnant Nun - It was funny the first time I saw it. It's just stupid now. If you're a couple going for dark humor, go as a fully erect Priest and an Altar boy. I saw a couple once dressed as Siamese twins joined at the boob. Now that was funny...and very creative.

Pimp/Hooker - I'll admit that I dressed as a hooker one time. It was actually around 4th of July though, and I made a lot of money that night. Uh seriously, I did use the hooker costume one year for a party because it was very spur of the moment and I had no other options. It's definitely one of the easiest costumes to put together, especially if you're already kind of a slut. I'm not, but I would sometimes buy "club outfits" that sat in my closet once I got them home because somehow I lost any nerve required to wear them between the mall and my house. They were slightly risque clothes that usually ended up just going to Goodwill after I tried them on 10 times, but never actually wore out in public. So half of the people I've seen at parties dressed as hookers probably got my hand-me-downs from Goodwill. Anyway, it's an easy remedy for a last minute party but I'd rather people just cut holes out of a sheet and go as a ghost. And if the hooker's not bad enough, if I have to see one more guy in that stupid purple pimp costume with the huge hat, I'm going to puke.

Clown - This is just a personal issue I have. I hate clowns. I'm not afraid of them, I just hate them with every fiber in my being. The sole purpose of a clown is to amuse people and they are just about the most unfunny creatures on the planet. And what do clowns have to do with Halloween?? If they're evil clowns, that's fine. But the run-of-the-mill Bozo types? No. They don't belong at a Halloween party. They don't belong on this Earth. Down with Clowns!!

I don't have many pics of my Halloween costumes over the years, but I will post one. This was the last costume I made and got some mileage out of it. I'm a big fan of Miller Lite. That's my beer of choice. So, I decided to make a Miller Lite bottle costume. And lucky for me, I have a brother who's an artist because I never could've made the labels look so good. Sorry the picture is a bit grainy, but that's my crappy scanner. By the way, that's my best friend Angela next to me as Gene Simmons. Gene loves Miller Lite because it tastes great and it's less filling. And he can get his tongue all the way to the bottom of the bottle to lick up every last drop. Or so I've heard.


Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

I'm seriously trying to figure out how to go as my former boss. I just can't find clothes geeky enough or a fake beard anywhere.

One year I bought two yards of red felt and a half yard of black; I cut the red felt into a circle with a circle cut out of the middle and a radius slit, ala a cape. I then used a hot glue gun to glue big black dots on the cape's back, tied it around my neck with some red ribbon, wore a headband with red pipe cleaners sticking up like antennae, and was a ladybug. For $10 it was my favorite and cheapest costume ever. Oh, and some black clothes under. It was a cape, not a kilt.

FU said...

i never had original halloween costumes! my brother dressed up as a car one year.. it was pretty cool. he made it himself out of cardboard. we have a pic somewhere....

i think i'll just be a pirate or dracula again...booo

thanks for stopping by my blog.. i havent seen u there in a while!

talk to u soon,

Sangroncito said...

You are so right about those tired costumes.
But I love you as a bottle of beer! Too cool!
I'm dressing up as a sex-starved gringo in Brazil this year...wait...I don`t think I need a costume for that!

Brooks said...

beckeye you are my official new home girl. i hate the french maid costume too and loathe clowns (like in a potentially criminal way). i also love miller lite and your costume rocks. my favorite costume was one my sister came up with -- hot for teacher. she was the teacher. it was trashy, but in a fun way. my favorite personal costume was hugh hefner. he lives the life.

Melanie said...

My mom used to hand-make all of our costumes when we were kids. The best was the year my sister and I were Ernie and Bert (I was Bert cause I was taller at the time). We had these huge felt heads (we were able to see out of the mouth) and she even made us felt gloves to wear with our striped shirts, corduroy pants and saddle shoes.

Other kids who had store-bought Sesame Street costumes would stop while passing us on the street and ask their mommies if we were the "real" Ernie & Bert. My mom got a kick out of that.

Homemade costumes rock!

And no, I've never been a French maid for Halloween. :-P

I did the French whore thing instead, haha.

Homer Jay said...

One of the nastiest I ever saw (and this was at WORK was a nurse like you described, but with white stuff all over her face and chest. That made her the "Head" Nurse.

We sent her home to change.

Lance said...


Spinning Girl said...

I'm with ya, sister.

Neo said...

Becky - mmmmmmmm french maid.


BeckEye said...

Librarian - The ladybug sounds cute!

FU - Dracula is always in style.

Sangroncito - I love the word "gringo".

Echeevo - Hot for Teacher sounds cool! Speaking of song-related costumes, my best friend thought my best costume ever was the year I went to a party that one of the rock stations was throwing and I just wore a blue dress and had devil horns and a devil tail. I was the Devil with a Blue Dress On. People kept thinking I was a Duke Blue Devil or they didn't know what I was. People would say stupid stuff like, "You're a devil...but why are you're wearing a blue dress?" What did I expect from a bunch of drunks?

Melanie - Your mom rocked the block!! French whore is a little more imaginative. And you could do a lot of French-themed costumes. You could go as a croissant! An Eiffel Tower costume might be cool, though time-consuming.

Homer Jay - That's just nasty.

Lance - I try. :)

Spinning Girl - Now, if you see a French Maid this weekend, I'm fully expecting you to beat her down. Or at least tell her to go read my blog. ;)

Neo - Typical male response!

m00nsh1ne said...

I saw a "Pop Star" costume for preteens in a flyer in the newspaper that closely resembled the hooker costume! What is this world coming to? I thought costumes were supposed to be scary! Thank God my kids are going as something a little more traditional...Batman and Cheer Bear!! (Ok that last one's not scary but hey she's only 1!)

Kel said...

That was an interesting post. Your nurse idea was kind of gross though. If it's about sharing your personality why would you want someoe to think of you as bloody?

Neo said...

Becky - There isn't anything typical about this male.


LoraLoo said...

I agree Halloween is supposed to be creepy, not about looking hot. A friend and I went as zombies one year (not creative but we were seriously scary looking) and went to some parties about town... we looked really bad compared to every woman who had a "hot" costume on. Haven't bothered to dress up for Halloween since.

An80sNut said...

I'm still all for the first two. I'm a pig and I can accept that.


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