Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Eye Boogers

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:

Janet Jackson Bakes her Muffins in the Sun, Denies Ever Cooking a Bun in the Oven - A new vouyeristic video has started making the rounds on the internet, which appears to show Janet Jackson sunbathing nude. According to the news story, "the video appears to have been shot surreptitiously through an opening in a fence surrounding an outdoor enclosure where the subject was lying on a chaise lounge". My God, what has the world come to when women start tanning in private areas? Who cares. Everyone is more interested in whether or not Jackson has a secret 18-year old child with ex husband, James DeBarge. Brother Tito defended Janet on Extra, saying that he would know if had a niece or nephew. But would the niece or nephew know who Tito is? Most people don't.

Wal-Mart Recruits Celebs for Holiday Ads - Yes, because when I'm shopping at Wal-Mart, it makes me feel better thinking that someone like Beyonce is using the same brand of $2 hairspray that I just bought. So much for truth in advertising. And Wal-Mart really needs to promote themselves more because, apparently it's just not aggravating enough in their stores during the Christmas season. Sure, cram more people in! That will give us all a good dose of holiday cheer.

VH1 Asks, 'But Can They Sing?' No? Really? No. - I can't believe the man, Joey Pants is taking part in this crap-fest. I thought that this show might be funny in a William Hung sort of way, but it's not. It's just an hour of celebrities who aren't even really that famous for whatever it is they do, trying to do something else that they're even worse at. And this is supposed to entertain people? In a related story, scientists just discovered that male mice can sing. Now that's interesting. I would rather pay $50 to see the new "rat pack" in concert than watch this ridiculous show on VH1 for free.

Tyra Banks Goes Undercover as an Obese Woman - Tyra had no idea how blatantly mean "normal" people were to fat people until she performed this little cultural experiment. Ok. I have seen the judges on America's Next Top Model rip girls to shreds who weren't a size 2. Every season they talk about how the world isn't ready for a "plus-size" model. But she just wasn't aware that there is such a problem with weight discrimination in this country. Congratulations Tyra, you're still in the running towards becoming America's Top Clueless Moron. (I'm still in contention too because I can't seem to shake my irrational addiction to that show.)

Jessica Simpson Sees a Shrink - Poor Jess. She had to walk her boots to a psychiatrist due to stress caused by rumors that her marriage to Nick Lachey is crumbling. Honey, you're in show biz. You're going to go through, like, five more marriages in your lifetime. You really need to grow a much thicker skin.

19 comments:

The Zombie Lama said...

Ok, I just ate, and then read about Janet Jackson naked... yuck.

Walmart at holiday time SUCKS. I can't believe how crazy that place gets!

The zomblings were watching that singing show the other night and some model or somebody was on there. She looked vaguely familiar, but she sounded like somebody was forcefeeding a live goat through a woodchipper.

And Tyra and Jess? They're just idiots. Who really thought THAT marriage was going to last longer than the TV show anyway?

Homer Jay said...

Mmmmmmmm. Muffins. Buns. Eye Boogers. Yum!

Jack's Raging Mommy said...

Come to think of it, I voted for you in your last battle too. See? You have a real blog in my books :)

Sangroncito said...

Our dog wakes up with eye boogers every morning...my first task of the day is to remove them!

m00nsh1ne said...

I don't care about JJ's kid OR her ass! She hasn't had any good music out in so long I kind of fergot about her.
Walmart sucks anytime except first thing in the morning on a Tuesday.
I am getting my satellite turned off on Saturday YAY! No more crappy TV shows! I think I'll just subscribe to netflix...
I actually watched the Tyra Banks show the other day for the first time. It was Mom Makeover day. Seems like a run of the mill show like any other, it starts out all nicey nice and I see the next show is about cheating spouses!! So I am sure it will go downhill from there. Does she have some kind of psychology degree to be "helping" people with infidelity problems??

Lee Ann said...

Janet...she just wants the publicity.
Walmart...yeah, like Beyonce really shops there! You are right, gives you a false sense that they are really just normal folk like us!
Have not seen the show on VH1, thanks for the heads up, I definitely won't now.
Tyra...she sure has dished it out to those "aspiring models". Yes, she is clueless!
Jess...I know it must be tough being a rich starlette in the spotlight, but that is what she wanted, right?

Alice said...

HA! that tyra one cracked me up. i can just hear her now... "oh my god! people who aren't models, like me.... their lives SUCK! thank god i'm skinny and can continue urging other girls to have eating disorders! whew!"

Teri said...

You find all the good news stories!

Ben O. said...

Tyra is such a testament to the age old notion that a beautiful woman (and make no doubt about it . . . she is beautiful) loses about half of her appeal the second she starts talking.

Tyra, please just sit there and look good. I think I would rather talk to these women over here . . .

Ben O.

cmhl said...

the tyra banks thing--- I am NOT easily offended, but I find it offensive (as someone who has gained and lost vast amounts of weight) to have "skinny" people being all sympathetic about the plight of "fat" people. Ugh, that didn't come out right. But I never watch those-- and Tyra Banks annoys me anyway..

Masha said...

It's sad that the media is trying to rip apart Jess' marriage. I mean, come on, let the celebs at least up their track record of lasting marriages!

An80sNut said...

You mentioned the Tyra experiment and all I could think of was when Eddie Murphy did the Saturday Night Live skit of going undercover as a white guy.

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

You do find all the good news. Is there a day that goes by when one Jackson or another (and I include Diana Ross, honorary freak-in-law that she is) is not in the news? I think the Tyra and Jessica stories are related: they're going out for better PR, to appeal to the "average" woman instead of the horndog guys, and to feel a little more legitimate as a celebrity. It's all fake, is my guess.

BadGod said...

I heard Eddie Veder is gay!

No really.

Sorry.

pia said...

Loved reading about Jessica Simpson seeking counseling about the media hounding her about her marriage. Didn't they have a reality show about their marriage? then shouldn't publicity be something she should learn to live with. Nobody has to know about her personal problems; she choses to make them public

I think I'm the only person in America who has never been in a Walmarts

Bonanza Jellybean said...

The difference is that Tyra can go home and take the fat suit off when she doesn't like it. My seems to be strangely glued on...

I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall in the Jessica Simpson therapy sessions. I think that might be more entertaining than I could bear.

JJ said...

Tyra is making herself seem more and more ridiculous. She's not helping anyone with that awful stunt.

Zanderlilly said...

Yep....you're still funny as hell!

The Emerson Avenger said...

Here's an honest to God UU eye booger for you. . .

Run a Google search on -

spitting in God's eye

and then hit the I'm Feeling Lucky button. . .

 

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