Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Gonna Get, Gonna Get... Marrrried

I don't know if many of you know this, but Christina Aguilera is an avid reader of The Pop Eye. America's favorite dirrty girl enjoys being degraded, and I try to help her out whenever I can. Being one of her favorite writers, I was invited to her wedding to whats-his-face. We'll call him J-Brat.

I don't think any pictures from the nuptials have been published yet, so this is quite a scoop for me. Here is your first peek at the blushing bride:

Never one to follow outdated customs, Christina entertained her guests by foregoing the traditional "tossing of the bouquet" and opted for a more modern "tossing of the panties". Cameron Diaz caught them, ensuring that she would be the next to marry her beau, Justin Timberlake. Either that or she will be the next to come down with the clap.


Homer Jay said...

Have I told you lately that I love you? Because after that post, I love you even more.

Lavinia said...


I imagine the crowd would part like the red sea at the approach of Christina's knickers.

Edge said...

I'm glad she wore white, it was appropriate, ... wasn't it?


Heather said...

How do you really feel about her?

Anonymous said...

I am laughing so hard I think I'm gonna pee my pants! You are fucking hysterical!


pia said...

Hey I like Cameron Diaz. But the post was hysterical

BeckEye said...

Homer Jay - Ah, who doesn't like hearing that? Am I as sweet as Tupelo honey too?

Lavinia - Hell, I run when I see a bouquet flying my way!

Jef - Yeah, major fashion faux pas. Sluts aren't supposed to wear white after Labor Day.

Heather - Actually, I don't have any major animosity towards her, not like I do for Paris Hilton. I think she's a good singer. She's just skanky as hell. Besides that, she grew up in Pittsburgh and used to talk like a freaking Valley Girl but somewhere along the way she developed a fake Latino accent, and that really bugs me.

Angela - You have many bladder control issues, you old bat. ;)

Pia - Sorry, I can't stand Cameron Diaz. But I'm glad you liked the wedding scoop.

The Village Idiot said...

Hey! I was there too! Didja see me? I was the one with the giant translucent head! As I recall the beau flung dung instead of the garter. Unfortunate idea that.

I might have dreamed the whole thing.

the idiot

Lee Ann said...

omg! that is so funny!

Neo said...

Becky -Yummy!

Ruben said...

Cut Christina some slack. IT must have been hard being in that worthless slut Britney Spears shadow all these years.

Christopher Trottier said...

Now that is funny!

An80sNut said...

At least someone finds her attractive. I am just happy that I won't have to hear about any more Fred Durst incidents.

Bar Bar A said...

Hi Christina! When you stop by to read this I just want to congratulate you on your wedding. I've never heard of you but I read this blog daily so I guess you must be almost as famous as Becky!

Melanie said...

If you ever managed to catch a clip of "the happy couple", he always shies away and gives her the spotlight. Could it be that he's secretly ashamed to be seen in public with her? I guess we'll find out eight months from now when the divorce papers are inevitably filed.

The Zombie Lama said...


T.L. Barker said...

She's got a voice, I'll give her that. The accent thing is an unfortunate side effect of low self esteem. Do Joo know vat I meank?


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