I don't know if many of you know this, but Christina Aguilera is an avid reader of The Pop Eye. America's favorite dirrty girl enjoys being degraded, and I try to help her out whenever I can. Being one of her favorite writers, I was invited to her wedding to whats-his-face. We'll call him J-Brat.
I don't think any pictures from the nuptials have been published yet, so this is quite a scoop for me. Here is your first peek at the blushing bride:
Never one to follow outdated customs, Christina entertained her guests by foregoing the traditional "tossing of the bouquet" and opted for a more modern "tossing of the panties". Cameron Diaz caught them, ensuring that she would be the next to marry her beau, Justin Timberlake. Either that or she will be the next to come down with the clap.
I don't think any pictures from the nuptials have been published yet, so this is quite a scoop for me. Here is your first peek at the blushing bride:
Never one to follow outdated customs, Christina entertained her guests by foregoing the traditional "tossing of the bouquet" and opted for a more modern "tossing of the panties". Cameron Diaz caught them, ensuring that she would be the next to marry her beau, Justin Timberlake. Either that or she will be the next to come down with the clap.
Comments
I imagine the crowd would part like the red sea at the approach of Christina's knickers.
A:)
Lavinia - Hell, I run when I see a bouquet flying my way!
Jef - Yeah, major fashion faux pas. Sluts aren't supposed to wear white after Labor Day.
Heather - Actually, I don't have any major animosity towards her, not like I do for Paris Hilton. I think she's a good singer. She's just skanky as hell. Besides that, she grew up in Pittsburgh and used to talk like a freaking Valley Girl but somewhere along the way she developed a fake Latino accent, and that really bugs me.
Angela - You have many bladder control issues, you old bat. ;)
Pia - Sorry, I can't stand Cameron Diaz. But I'm glad you liked the wedding scoop.
I might have dreamed the whole thing.
Fondly,
the idiot