Thursday, September 28, 2006

Hmm. Turns Out I AM a Reality TV Whore

I never thought of myself as a giant reality-TV junkie. I'm proud of the fact that I've never seen a single episode of Survivor. (The 10-second snippet I watched just to prove to myself that it was as dumb as I thought it was doesn't count.) However, I recently found a list of all the reality shows that have been on in recent years and was alarmed at the sheer volume of crap I've been watching. Let me show you what I mean. Settle in, it might be a long one.

[Note: I'm not counting shows from the list that I feel are strictly game shows, (Deal or No Deal) dating shows (Shipmates) or home-improvement shows (Trading Spaces, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition) because I don't think they're really part of the genre. But that's just my opinion.]

8th & Ocean - A angsty teen version of America's Next Top Model. Watched it occasionally. I always wanted the nice blonde twin to beat the hell out of her bitchy sister.

American Idol - I've been watching AI since mid-way into the first season. I'm not ashamed.

America's Next Top Model - Got hooked on this during the 2nd season. I didn't watch too much of it last year, but I'm back into it now. It's fun.

The Apprentice - Like AI, I started watching mid-way into the first season, when Omarosa became a household name. Still love it, although I'm bummed that Trump fired Carolyn.

Average Joe - I'm actually embarassed to admit that I watched the first season off and on. And gee, I was so surprised that the bimbo picked the "model guy" over her "average Joe."

The Bachelor and The Bachelorette - I'm lumping these two pathetic pieces of crap together. I never watched a full season. I'm not even sure I got through an entire episode of either. But I did check both out occasionally in the early stages. I think I watched The Bachelorette more because the guy Trista ended up marrying was hot. She was annoying as hell though.

Beauty and the Geek - Kind of cute and much better than Average Joe. The first season was pretty good, but I couldn't get through the 2nd attempt.

Big Brother All-Stars - I watched one episode of this and it wasn't by choice. I was staying at my best friend's house and she loved it, so I was forced to endure it. Never watched any of the seasons. I don't even understand the concept.

Brat Camp - I didn't even remember this one until I saw it on the list. I vaguely recall watching the first few episodes, but must've gotten bored.

Celebrity Fit Club - Occasionally, I'll stop on this if I'm flipping through the channels, but I've never fully gotten into it since the first season.

Dog Eat Dog - I remember my niece loving this show. I watched it a few times. Seemed like a watered-down version of Fear Factor mixed with some Big Brother.

Dancing With the Stars - I enjoyed the first season, but thought J. Peterman should've won. Didn't watch it much at all last season and caught the most recent episode of this season last night. Joey Lawrence's baldness scares me.

Extreme Makeover - I just like to watch the very beginning and then the very end. The in-between is gross. Nothing worse than seeing a doctor whacking at a nose with a mallet or sucking fat out of someone's ass.

Fame - Ugh, yeah I watched this short-lived show. All the way until the end. No idea why. No one's ever heard from the winner, whose name I can't even remember. I just remember that he was hyper, emotional and very short. But, the 2nd runner-up, Shannon, is now a member of Danity Kane.

Fear Factor - Watched it a bit at the beginning (and of course I watched the celeb episode with Kelly Preston, since her hubby showed up). I don't mind the stunts, but I don't understand how eating disgusting shit like maggots and monkey balls makes anyone brave. Not eating it makes you smart. Not wanting to throw up or get severely ill has nothing to do with fear, it's just common sense.

Flavor of Love - I watched the first season. It was mildly amusing. I think Flav has definitely worn out his welcome at this point.

HGTV Design Star - I'm no longer working for their PR firm, but I still checked this out on occasion. Not too often because I could never remember when it was on. I couldn't stand the beauty pageant chick who was one of the contestants. She acted like a bitch to everyone during the challenges and then would cry in front of the judges and try to act all sweet and fragile. Bimbo. I never saw the ending so I have no idea who won, I just know it wasn't her.

High School Reunion - My memory of this show is very hazy, but I remember starting to get into it and then completely losing interest.

Hit Me Baby One More Time - This one was about one hit wonders from the '80s looking for another shot at fame. It wasn't very good. Wang Chung sang Nelly's "Hot in Herre" and I didn't know whether to cry, scream, laugh or vomit. Oh, I do remember Haddaway ("What is Love") doing a version of Britney Spears' "Toxic" that was pretty good. But if Haddaway covering "Toxic" is your shining moment, you're probably not a very compelling TV show.

Jackass - I couldn't turn away. I'm a huge lover of slapstick and idiocy. Not sure if this should really be considered "reality TV" though. It's just stupid comedy.

Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency - I don't get Oxygen here, but I saw an episode of this on my last visit back to Pittsburgh. I was dying to see it, because Janice was always the best part of ANTM and she was pretty hilarious on The Surreal Life. However, this woman can only be taken in small doses as part of an ensemble cast. As the star, she is just shrill and obnoxious.

Joe Millionaire - Didn't watch the whole thing. I just thought that Evan dude was a complete tool. I was hoping that whoever he picked would tell him to piss off. Of course she did, but waited until later when they were off-camera.

The Joe Schmo Show - This show was actually kind of funny. They duped some guy into thinking he was on a reality show, when really it was just all about him and getting him to act and react to their scripted plot. The guy (another one whose name I can't remember) was from Pittsburgh, so that was cool.

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List - I have to say, I couldn't stand this broad before I started watching this show. My roommate loves her, so he forced me to watch the first time. I was amazed by how funny it really was. I still am not a big fan of her stand-up, but I totally enjoyed this show.

Kept - I didn't see this on the list, but I used to watch it. I even wrote a big post about it once. As it turned out, Jerry Hall did pick Seth (my favorite) to be her new luvah, but I only know that because I looked it up online. I stopped watching about 4 weeks before it was over. Don't know why.

Last Comic Standing - Every season I start watching this show and then quit halfway through. I guess the comics just aren't that funny. Or I get sucked into some other crappy show.

Making the Band - I was annoyed with this the first time around, when Diddy infamously ordered his proteges to walk to Brooklyn for some cheesecake. Somehow I got sucked in during his attempt to form a girl band.

Mr. Romance - I keep waiting for a new season of this show!! Please, Oxygen, bring it back!! Actually, wait until I can actually get Oxygen. This has to be one of my all-time favorite reality shows. It was so open about its cheesiness. Basically, it was a hunt to find the next Fabio. All of these guys (some of whom were exceptionally hot) had to go through "Romance Academy." Oh, it was great.

My Fair Brady - The courtship of Adrienne Curry and Christopher Knight. Very cute show with the occasional overblown drama that you would expect from quasi-celebrity types.

Nashville Star - Just like AI, but more country and more talent. No Simon though.

Nanny 911 and Supernanny - I'm putting these two together, because they're the same exact premise. I don't know which one came first, but I like Supernanny much, much better. I think I've only seen Nanny 911 once or twice. I couldn't stand the way that old, Scottish nanny spoke...and I normally like Scottish accents! I think it was just the way she said "baby." It was like "bebbeh." And she said it a lot in the episode I saw. The 911 Nannies just aren't as groovy as Jo Frost. Still, I can't watch Supernanny too often because the atrocious behavior of some of those kids (parents' fault) makes me want to smash things.

Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica - Ok, I only watched this because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and I only watched it once. Believe me, that was more than enough.

Project Runway - This is one of the best TV shows on right now. Who doesn't love Tim Gunn?

Punk'd - Like Jackass, I don't know if this qualifies as a "reality show" either, but it was on the list. I guess it does. I don't watch it all the time, but Ashton Kutcher comes up with some pretty funny stuff.

The Real World, Road Rules and Real World/Road Rules Challenges - I'm lumping all of these together too. I loved RW at the beginning, but it's become so insanely formulaic. I never got into RR as much as I did with RW, but the Challenges kick both of their asses. I love those challenges. The new one starts next month.

Rockstar - As a fan of the original INXS, I refused to watch their search to replace the irreplaceable Michael Hutchence. However, since Supernova was a new group, I decided to check out the 2nd season. I wasn't addicted to it and always forgot that it was on, but I was pulling for Dilana to win. But it came as no surprise that the little glass-eating goth boy got the gig.

So You Think You Can Dance - Another one that my roommate got me hooked on. I started watching halfway through this season and ended up really liking it. I just never dug when the dancers would do their "solo" dances. They always looked the same and they lasted about 10 seconds. I didn't see the point.

Star Search - If we're talking the original with Ed McMahon, hell yes I watched it all the time. If we're talking the remake with Arsenio, that would be a big N-O.

The Surreal Life - I think I've watched this from the beginning. That may have been the season with that fat bastard, Vince Neil. It's always overly dramatic and obviously many of these D-listers are acting for the cameras, but it's still pretty funny.

The One - The One episode I watched was lousy.

Tommy Lee Goes to College - I thought it would be very stupid, but it was actually quite funny. Too bad Tommy is still an idiot.

Trading Spouses - I've only seen it a few times. I usually get sucked into an episode by some wife/mother who is an absolutely abysmal human being and then, like with the nanny shows, I want to smash things. (I'm not being sexist or a traitor to my gender, it just so happens that everytime I watch, it's one of the women who needs to be smacked the most.)

Wow. That's a lot of garbage TV I've been ingesting. Well, it could be worse. At least I've never watched The Simple Life or Britney & Kevin: Chaotic. Then I would really have to smash things. Namely, my remote and my skull.

5 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

I bailed out of "Last Comic" halfway through the second episode this season. Season two was the zenith of the show. I used to be a reality TV snob until a friend of the Missus pointed out that I watched the dating shows, so in his opinion, I was watching reality TV.

It has to be something that interests me like food (Top Chef) or film (Project Greenlight Season Three), or I won't get into it beyond the third season.

The season of "The Surreal Life" with Joannie (Chyna) Laurer was the best carwreck ever. That's good TV

Anonymous said...

Wow - Never saw any of those shows. I am the opposite of a tv whore, i am a tv virgin (ok not really, but I rarely watch it)

I love hearing your take on these shows though. I'll have my sister read this- she watches ALL of them!

Metal Mark said...

I watched the first five seasons of Survivor, the first season of the Amazing Race, the most recent season of American Idol and a couple of episodes of Hell's Kitchen. That's all of the reality tv I have watched.

FU said...

i cant stand reality tv. it annoys me.

i much prefer dramas and comedys. movies with actual plot lines etc.

a lot of it can be crap. but when it's good.. it's gold: ie. prison break.

Masha said...

okay i'm scaring myself with how much tv i watch...if i watch half of those AND the real stuff my life is wasting away before the tube...but ahem, let us not forget the ridiculous high school crap called Laguna Beach...every time I watch this I wonder what has happened to me....

 

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