Mr. Romance, Thy Name is Howard

Howard Stern, who has been divorced from long-time (and long-suffering) wife, Alison for about 7 years, has always maintained that he would never tie the knot again. He must have tacked on an Unless-I-Snag-A-Really-Hot-Younger-Model clause to that declaration, because he just popped the question to his girlfriend of 5 years, Beth Ostrosky.

Howard decided to propose on Valentine's Day Eve instead of the actual holiday, just narrowly avoiding a trip to Cliche City. Of course, the rest of his proposal was certainly anything but traditional, making Beth strip down to nothing before even giving her the ring. Then he said the words that would make any gal's heart melt, "I love you. You're everything to me. This is so gay...I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me."

The lameness of that proposal aside, I wish Howard and Beth luck. I was amazed that his first marriage lasted so long, and even though he's made a living from being a giant pig, he actually always seemed like a decent guy who's a one-woman man and doesn't screw around. And Beth is a Pittsburgh girl, so if anyone can keep him in line, she can.

Hmm, so Howard Stern can find two wives and I can't even seem to find one date in the biggest city in the country. Happy Valentine's Day to me! I'm not bitter. Just bored. These fake Hallmark holidays make me cringe.