Tuesday, April 24, 2007

American Idol Top 6: We Shall Overcome...Boredom

Tonight is Part I of the two-episode special, "Idol Gives Back," and Newscorp is donating 10 cents per call for the first 50 million votes received. I guess this means that Rupert Murdoch will have to wipe with $10s instead of $100s this week. I guess this also means that non-voters like myself will be guilted into making at least one call.

While what AI is doing is admirable, the idea of sitting through a night of "inspirational songs" already has me feeling less than charitable. These kinds of songs tend to be the mid-tempo, cliche-ridden garbage that Idol singles are made of. Odd how "inspirational songs" can generally only inspire me to sigh heavily and eat lots of ice cream. Well, I suppose I can tolerate an hour of the schlock hitting the fan, but if someone sings "The Greatest Love of All," I swear I'm diving out the nearest window.

First up is Chrustin Richardslake, who isn't really living up to that moniker tonight. Still, I'm using the nickname because it's mine. (Hear that, phillyBurbs.com?) He is actually going back and forth between personas during this performance - it's Chris during the verses and Chrustin during the chorus. Although he's a little off-key in the beginning, throwing in a few too many runs and obviously concentrating really hard on singing through his mouth, Chris/Chrustin is doing well. All the judges dig it and, overall, so do I. I could be biased though for, you see, Chris is singing "Change the World" by Eric Clapton, which was featured in Phenomenon. I can't hear this song without imagining John Travolta dying and all of his friends celebrating his legacy on his next birthday. He just wanted...to...change the...world...*sniff sniff*. Ohhh, I love Chrustin. I love you all!! Hugs.

In between songs, we're treated to another montage of Ryan and Simon's trip to Africa - a tender moment that is interrupted by my roommate's observation that Ryan has "huge nipples." How am I supposed to concentrate on hungry kids now??

I will say that I'm enjoying Seacrest's scruffy look tonight, and the red-and-black-gradient tie that he's sporting. He actually looks like...a man. Then there's my dear Simon in his Lord of the Disco ensemble, complete with peek-a-boo chest hairs. I think The Dawg should give him one of his funky gold medallions to complete the look. If I have a dream tonight about Simon showing up outside my apartment, serenading me with Gino Vannelli's "I Just Wanna Stop," I have no one to blame but myself.

Getting us back on track, Melinda Doolittle does a lot with Faith Hill's "There Will Come a Day." This is truly a boring song, yet she is making me sit up and take notice. I don't know why I'm reaching for words here. I should just start copying and pasting in my first critique of Melinda every week, making this recap just that much easier. Nothing is changing. The woman is not going to go all Sanjaya on us anytime soon. I don't think she knows what a bad note is. BeckEye says: Fabulous. Randy says: Dope! Paula says: Magical! Simon says: Cha-ching! while dollar signs pop up on his eyeballs.

Can you "Imagine" Blake Lewis doing John Lennon? It's true. I don't know if it's the smartest choice because it's so iconic, but I admire the kid for going for it. I don't admire his Hobo Joe outfit though. These duds would only be acceptable if Blake were doing a rousing rendition of "Jimmy Cracked Corn." Regardless of what he's wearing, Blake has a sweet voice and is doing a good job tonight. I'm kind of annoyed by the way he sings "people," which comes out more like "bee-bo," but that's just a minor gripe. Sure, it doesn't have the emotion of Lennon's original, but who ever thought it would? It's not his best, but it's passable. Randy thinks it's just aight, while Paula and Simon appreciate Blake's sincerity.

I hold my breath as LaKisha Jones takes the stage, because if anyone is going to bust out "The Greatest Love of All" it will be her. Luckily, she chooses Fantasia's "I Believe." Well, luckily probably isn't the best word. Come on! Of all the songs of hope and compassion out there, she picks a corny Idol-ized single? I hate this song, especially the way Fantasia screeches through it. Since LaKisha's version isn't making my ears bleed, I marginally prefer her take on it. The song still sucks though, and the whole performance is rather dull. Paula is obviously a fan of shrieking, because her critique of LaKisha is largely based on the simple fact that she's not Fantasia. Randy doesn't think it was Kiki's best, and Simon can't get a word in with all the idiots in the audience booing him.

Drabby McBlanderson (aka Phil Stacey) follows with "The Change" by Garth Brooks. I guess he wants to cash in on all the "Phil, you're a real cowboy" talk from last week, but you can't really tell this is a country song. A ballad is a ballad is a ballad. And Phil sings this ballad like he's sung every other ballad - unspectacularly well. Does that make sense? It almost pains me to say that Phil should go, because he definitely has the best voice of the three remaining guys. I know it's ultimately a singing competition but if I have to sit through one more Phil song, I might slip into a coma. His performances are the musical equivalent of watching paint dry, minus the awesome fume buzz. The judges all like him, and Simon seems to give him a compliment by telling him that "people like him." Coming from Cowell, that just means, "You're a nice guy Phil. And you know where nice guys finish? That's right...off you go."

Closing out the night is Jordin Sparks with the old standard, "You'll Never Walk Alone." There is a lot of heavy breathing going on at the beginning of this song, but Jordin sounds great, as always. She is a little too loud in parts and, as with most of the songs tonight, it's still a bit dreary. Regardless of what I think, Paula and Simon give Jordin two big thumbs up and Randy, God bless him, reminds Jordin for the umpteenth time that she's only 17.

I think this is the end of the road for Phil Stacey. He might sing better than both Chris and Blake, but I doubt he has the support of all the teen and tween gals out there. Since we're down to six now, I think there might only be a Bottom 2, so I'll say that Phil and LaKisha will get the lowest number of votes, and Phil will be sent packing. If there still is a Bottom 3, the other will most likely be Blake.

Did it seem like something was missing tonight? Oh yeah, where the hell was Bono? Didn't Seacrest say at the top of the show that he was this week's mentor? Was he mentoring the kids via his giant Zoo TV screen? Perhaps I misunderstood. I imagine he'll show up tomorrow night for the big benefit show.


LoraLoo said...

As usual, you're right on it with tonight's review. Blake is still my favorite, although it's looking more and more like Jordin will take the win.

I was wondering where the hell Bono was too?

Bond said...

man we were on the same wavelength with Jordin and Phil tonight and the Bono thing... like we wrote the words together... hey you stealing from me???? LOL

I think KiKi is going

Travis said...

I agree with Vin - I think Lakisha goes. It's a shame because I really like her. She hit a bad stretch and I don't think she did enough this week to pull back votes from Jordin and Melinda.

I'm not a fan of the guys, but I'd choose Phil over Blake or Chris.

deadspot said...

Wait. Garth Brooks wrote a song about menopause?

cube said...

Spot on reviews. Boring night overall.

Personally, I really want Chris (I can't stand that hand move that looks like he's applying stucco to a horizontal wall) and Blake (I'm tired of looking at his little round singing mouth) to be voted off the island, but I'm afraid that it will be Lakisha, mostly because of poor song choices.

Andrew said...

more than likely, Bono will be mentoring everyone on the finer points of saving the planet, rather than counting incorrectly in Spanish...

Anonymous said...

When do you think people will lose interest in this show they way they lost interest in Survivor?

Flannery Alden said...

I think LaKisha is going too. Phil's got the entire armed forces behind him.

As far as Melinda goes, you're right...she hasn't really made any progress. She may be in danger this week because everyone believes she's safe.

Nice review.

snapshot said...

Unfortunately we don't have a garage, not even a covered parking spot, but we DO have a "study," where, after a little bit of magical handiwork, transforms into the "guest room" complete with shelves, a night table, and eastern sun light. We could pretend it was the garage and give you a key to the study. You could even form a band if you wanted and practice under the desk. I'd make it a point to always be in a robe and curlers when you saw me and pretend that you have just "given me a fright" when we cross paths.
Basically, the fun we would have if you lived in our garage/study is mind blowing.

Turnbaby said...

Drabby McBlanderson LOLOLOL

Thanks for the recap--I was drinking beer with ducks.

Turnbaby said...

I have your five questions ready sugar--where do you want them emailed?

BeckEye said...

Loraloo - I think Jordin has the best shot right now. She may not sing as well as Melinda, but she's young and that's a plus in the eyes of the audience and judges.

Bond - PhillyBurbs stole from you and then I stole from them. ;)

Travis - Well, it looks like no one went on charity night.

Deadspot - Yes, and one about having to pee really badly called "The Dance."

Cube - Applying stucco...heh. That's a pretty good way of describing his "dance moves."

Andrew - I thought he might be suggesting the proper sunglass frames for everyone's face shapes.

Edge - If "Survivor" had musical numbers, it wouldn't be so boring. And Jeff Probst is a big dork, not a sexy, evil bastard like Simon.

Flannery - Thank ye. Now that 2 are going next week, it may be Phil and LaKisha in one shot and we'll both be right.

Danielle - As soon as I get my own laugh track together and can compile enough people for a live study (not studio) audience, I'll be needing that key.

Turnbaby - Was Daffy there? Did you give him a big kiss for me? By the way, I sent you my email address.


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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