American Idol Top 6: We Shall Overcome...Boredom

Tonight is Part I of the two-episode special, "Idol Gives Back," and Newscorp is donating 10 cents per call for the first 50 million votes received. I guess this means that Rupert Murdoch will have to wipe with $10s instead of $100s this week. I guess this also means that non-voters like myself will be guilted into making at least one call.

While what AI is doing is admirable, the idea of sitting through a night of "inspirational songs" already has me feeling less than charitable. These kinds of songs tend to be the mid-tempo, cliche-ridden garbage that Idol singles are made of. Odd how "inspirational songs" can generally only inspire me to sigh heavily and eat lots of ice cream. Well, I suppose I can tolerate an hour of the schlock hitting the fan, but if someone sings "The Greatest Love of All," I swear I'm diving out the nearest window.

First up is Chrustin Richardslake, who isn't really living up to that moniker tonight. Still, I'm using the nickname because it's mine. (Hear that, phillyBurbs.com?) He is actually going back and forth between personas during this performance - it's Chris during the verses and Chrustin during the chorus. Although he's a little off-key in the beginning, throwing in a few too many runs and obviously concentrating really hard on singing through his mouth, Chris/Chrustin is doing well. All the judges dig it and, overall, so do I. I could be biased though for, you see, Chris is singing "Change the World" by Eric Clapton, which was featured in Phenomenon. I can't hear this song without imagining John Travolta dying and all of his friends celebrating his legacy on his next birthday. He just wanted...to...change the...world...*sniff sniff*. Ohhh, I love Chrustin. I love you all!! Hugs.

In between songs, we're treated to another montage of Ryan and Simon's trip to Africa - a tender moment that is interrupted by my roommate's observation that Ryan has "huge nipples." How am I supposed to concentrate on hungry kids now??

I will say that I'm enjoying Seacrest's scruffy look tonight, and the red-and-black-gradient tie that he's sporting. He actually looks like...a man. Then there's my dear Simon in his Lord of the Disco ensemble, complete with peek-a-boo chest hairs. I think The Dawg should give him one of his funky gold medallions to complete the look. If I have a dream tonight about Simon showing up outside my apartment, serenading me with Gino Vannelli's "I Just Wanna Stop," I have no one to blame but myself.

Getting us back on track, Melinda Doolittle does a lot with Faith Hill's "There Will Come a Day." This is truly a boring song, yet she is making me sit up and take notice. I don't know why I'm reaching for words here. I should just start copying and pasting in my first critique of Melinda every week, making this recap just that much easier. Nothing is changing. The woman is not going to go all Sanjaya on us anytime soon. I don't think she knows what a bad note is. BeckEye says: Fabulous. Randy says: Dope! Paula says: Magical! Simon says: Cha-ching! while dollar signs pop up on his eyeballs.

Can you "Imagine" Blake Lewis doing John Lennon? It's true. I don't know if it's the smartest choice because it's so iconic, but I admire the kid for going for it. I don't admire his Hobo Joe outfit though. These duds would only be acceptable if Blake were doing a rousing rendition of "Jimmy Cracked Corn." Regardless of what he's wearing, Blake has a sweet voice and is doing a good job tonight. I'm kind of annoyed by the way he sings "people," which comes out more like "bee-bo," but that's just a minor gripe. Sure, it doesn't have the emotion of Lennon's original, but who ever thought it would? It's not his best, but it's passable. Randy thinks it's just aight, while Paula and Simon appreciate Blake's sincerity.

I hold my breath as LaKisha Jones takes the stage, because if anyone is going to bust out "The Greatest Love of All" it will be her. Luckily, she chooses Fantasia's "I Believe." Well, luckily probably isn't the best word. Come on! Of all the songs of hope and compassion out there, she picks a corny Idol-ized single? I hate this song, especially the way Fantasia screeches through it. Since LaKisha's version isn't making my ears bleed, I marginally prefer her take on it. The song still sucks though, and the whole performance is rather dull. Paula is obviously a fan of shrieking, because her critique of LaKisha is largely based on the simple fact that she's not Fantasia. Randy doesn't think it was Kiki's best, and Simon can't get a word in with all the idiots in the audience booing him.

Drabby McBlanderson (aka Phil Stacey) follows with "The Change" by Garth Brooks. I guess he wants to cash in on all the "Phil, you're a real cowboy" talk from last week, but you can't really tell this is a country song. A ballad is a ballad is a ballad. And Phil sings this ballad like he's sung every other ballad - unspectacularly well. Does that make sense? It almost pains me to say that Phil should go, because he definitely has the best voice of the three remaining guys. I know it's ultimately a singing competition but if I have to sit through one more Phil song, I might slip into a coma. His performances are the musical equivalent of watching paint dry, minus the awesome fume buzz. The judges all like him, and Simon seems to give him a compliment by telling him that "people like him." Coming from Cowell, that just means, "You're a nice guy Phil. And you know where nice guys finish? That's right...off you go."

Closing out the night is Jordin Sparks with the old standard, "You'll Never Walk Alone." There is a lot of heavy breathing going on at the beginning of this song, but Jordin sounds great, as always. She is a little too loud in parts and, as with most of the songs tonight, it's still a bit dreary. Regardless of what I think, Paula and Simon give Jordin two big thumbs up and Randy, God bless him, reminds Jordin for the umpteenth time that she's only 17.

I think this is the end of the road for Phil Stacey. He might sing better than both Chris and Blake, but I doubt he has the support of all the teen and tween gals out there. Since we're down to six now, I think there might only be a Bottom 2, so I'll say that Phil and LaKisha will get the lowest number of votes, and Phil will be sent packing. If there still is a Bottom 3, the other will most likely be Blake.

Did it seem like something was missing tonight? Oh yeah, where the hell was Bono? Didn't Seacrest say at the top of the show that he was this week's mentor? Was he mentoring the kids via his giant Zoo TV screen? Perhaps I misunderstood. I imagine he'll show up tomorrow night for the big benefit show.