Thursday, June 21, 2007

Baby You Can Drive My Car, Yes I'm Passed Out at the Bar

File this under Things I Don't Need to See When I'm Miserably Broke: the heartwarming sight of a toddler driving around in a box that's nicer than my apartment, on a driveway that's probably bigger than my street.

According to PopSugar, Britney's son, Sean Preston, has been spotted cruising around the Spears estate in his new kiddie Escalade. Unfortunately for Brit, the passenger seat won't accomodate her giant ass, so she can't put S-Pres on designated driver duty. I suppose she'll just rent him out to Nicole Richie or Kate Moss and use that money to start a college fund. And by "college fund," I mean "liposuction."

I guess a helmet didn't come standard with that model, but at least the kid is safer behind the wheel of his own ride than in Britney's lap. You just never know when a crotchfire might break out.


Travis said...

Kiddie Escalade eh? Is that the battery operated kind?

I remember way back in the day how excited I was to get the big wheel with the hand break. Dang I could get some speed going down hill with pure pedal power, and then yank on that break for some major spin outs into the yard.

Those were the days.

chelene said...

I'm fairly certain I couldn't even afford the kiddie version. Maybe the kiddie Volkswagen Rabbit but that's about it.

Writeprocrastinator said...


This will possibly be the only happy moment in the kid's life. Enjoy it while you can, Sean Pressed-on Kid, enjoy it while you can.

Turnbaby said...

I think I just threw up a little at the thought of a 'crotchfire'--can you imagine the smell??? Urp

Hey you--I corrected an egregious error--come see


David Amulet said...

At least she didn't leave her kid in a gutter somehwere--indulgence is better than neglect.

I'm finally putting a link to your blog up on my site--sorry about the delay!

-- david

deadspot said...

Heh. Crotchfire.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Absolutely boffo label! It more than makes up for the permanent damage suffered by my psyche at the thought of a Spears crotchfire.

Alice said...

haaaaaha. i thought the idea of britney's crotchfire was bad enough, then turnbaby had to go and talk about the smell. heh.

Layla (aka Barbara) said...

Great one.....

and by "college fund" I mean liposuction!!!

Lee Ann said...

Oh my gosh, that is the cutest little car ever...I want one!

Beth said...

You gotta be a bit happy for the boy. He does, after all, have her for a "mother."

X. Dell said...

Hmm. I wonder how many little kids have burned to death in their mothers' crotchfires?

Karen said...

Oh my goodness! Just the laugh I needed after realizing it's time to head back to work tomorrow morning... Poor Brit.

Is it just me or is life really really unfair? He's what...three? And he's got his own Escalade? I'm 34 and I've never even owned a used K-Car. Crappy.

But you know, his wonderful memories of that car and the good times he has in it will far outclipse the sight of his mom's panty-less crotch splashed across the internet. Besides, it's not as though he'll ever see them...right?

I suppose we should all just be glad that she didn't have a girl.

BeckEye said...

Travis - It probably runs on $20 bills and gold.

Chelene - I can't even afford a skateboard at this point, so don't feel bad.

WP - The happiest moment will probably be when he "accidentally" runs over mom.

Turnbaby - Uh...I really don't want to imagine.

David - True. But I think she's indulging him so she CAN neglect him. You know, with all those great toys, he won't notice that she stayed out at the bar until 5 am every night last week.

Deadspot - They're rare, but do happen.

Barbara - Thanks...and the labia award is mine!!! Yes! Mwaaaahahahahahaha.

Alice - Yay, you've returned to the land of blog. Just in time for an old-fashioned crotch roast.

Layla - Girl, you know it's true.

Lee Ann - I hear it can go from 0 to 5 in under 10 seconds.

Beth - Of course, I think the kid needs to have as much fun as he can now because much of his adult life will be spend on the psychiatrist's couch.

X.Dell - I don't know if they publish those statistics, but you're pretty good at research. I think you should look into it and report back to me. Because I'm lazy.

Karen - My first car was a K-car. I loved it. It was such a piece of shit, but I loved it.

Karen said...

Beckeye...your comment on my blog has now freaked ME out! When living in Ontario, I used to borrow my now stepmother's car to work and it was, get this, a MAROON K-Car! Granted she had painted it sparkly purple (don't ask) but you could still see the original interior. Were we seperated at birth?

Perhaps not...I don't enjoy Travolta. Ok the VInnie Barbarino days were good but not his revived career.

Coaster Punchman said...

Just to be clear here, there is NOT motor in that little car is there? I wanted one of those so bad when I was a tot.

Your link is finally up. Sorry it takes me 6 months to commit. It takes me at least that long to return a phone call.

Bond said...

thhink probably cost more then my month's rent....

cube said...

lol! Don't they make a Cruex for uh Brittney's condition?

BTW isn't S-Fed a little young for that thing? I'm just saying...

cube said...

My sister had a K-car. We called it her Robocar cause it was the talking model that would announce, "The door is ajar." Whereupon we would yell, "No, the door is a door!" It used to really drive my sister nuts.

I often get a blast from the past when I come here.


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