When Splotchy Sings, I Hear Violins

When I heard that Splotchy was whoring out himself as an interviewer, I pulled right up to the curb with a big wad of blog bucks. Apparently, I had just enough for 5 very pleasurable questions which were just begging to be answered.





1. As a resident of Brooklyn, how often do you find yourself taking in the sights, sounds and smells of Coney Island?
It's only a 20 minute train ride, so I've actually gone to Coney Island several times this summer for various reasons. The main reason is that Coney Island as we know it will be no more after this season, because Astroland is being torn down to make room for a giant resort that no one in the area will be able to afford. The other reason is that I love the combined smell of salt, hot dogs and urine.

2. Can you name a movie that scared the bejeebus out of you?
I don't know if this counts, but I refuse to watch Jaws because I absolutely hate sharks and the idea of being eaten by one makes me want to vomit. As far as traditionally "scary" flicks go, a lot of stupid movies scared me when I was a kid. I particularly remember being scared to death after seeing Amityville Horror II, because the demon talked to a kid through his headphones. I remember not wanting to use my headphones anymore after that. Since I've grown up though, I'm a bit harder to scare and movies today seem to favor style and effects over substance. The last movie that actually kind of creeped me out was White Noise, but I still didn't lose any sleep over it. I find that Discovery program, A Haunting much scarier than most of the wannabe horror flicks.

3. While perusing your archives, I was genuinely shocked to learn character actor Stephen Geoffreys worked in gay porn films. So... there's Screech from Saved By The Bell, and there's that kid who licked the frozen pole in Christmas Story, and now Stephen Geoffreys dabbling in the erotic arts... Seeing as you are a pop culture expert, please wager a guess as to what actor will next make the leap to "adult" entertainment.
It's my expert opinion that Jonathan Lipnicki will be starring in films like The Horniest Vampire and Stu Art Big any day now. (Sorry, couldn't think of a porn take on Jerry Maguire.) I mean, he was a really cute kid when he was little, but look at him now. Not so cute. Same thing happened with Macauley Culkin, but he just got weird. Then there was Haley Joel Osment, who staggered down the road to DUIs and depression. So, I'm thinking that the third kid's the charm. And look at him in that picture. What's he wearing, a fur collar? He's already gone blue, we just don't know about it yet. (No idea who the hobbit on the left is, but he could be the Reed Rothchild to Lipnicki's Dirk Diggler.)

4. I gather that you lived in Pittsburgh, PA for a spell, then picked up stakes to move to New Yawk. What is something you miss about Pittsburgh (excluding friends and family)? What is something you are glad to leave behind?
If by "a spell," you mean "all my life," then you gathered correctly. Pittsburgh was and always will be my home. I definitely miss being in a city of a smaller size. New York City can really turn one into a misanthrope. I also miss how the whole town seems to bond during football season. Go Steelers! What I don't miss is the horrible singles scene. Not that it's been any better here. I'm beginning to think that men are allergic to me. Oh, except for Glenn Tilbrook. 'Cause he hugged me, y'know. Are you paying attention, Beth?? Mwaah ha ha.

5. If some Hollywood types handed you a big bag of money and said, "Beckeye, we want you to make a kickass reality show." What show would you propose?
Hmm, BeckEye's Big Bag of Money sounds promising. The cameras would just follow me and watch me spend all that dough. It would be like a show within a show! But since I've never felt comfortable on camera, it probably wouldn't work. Let's see....I think it would be cool to have a show called something like Tour Bus, where a group of people work as roadies on a bus for a different band or artist each week. Each person would make a list of their 5 favorite artists. They would have to perform certain "challenges" every week, and whoever wins the challenge gets to pick which artist uses the tour bus. Then each week's artist gets to vote off the roadie who they thought was the worst. The ultimate winner would get to be tour manager for their favorite artist because, let's face it, being a roadie probably sucks. This may sound like a stupid show to everyone, but I totally want to be on it now. I already have my list of five written up and I'm practicing my crouching, silent stage run.

Thanks for the good time, Splotchy!

To the rest of you - if you want an interview with or from me, just say the word. I promise not to be offended if you head to Splotchy's corner instead.


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