Tuesday, August 28, 2007

When Splotchy Sings, I Hear Violins

When I heard that Splotchy was whoring out himself as an interviewer, I pulled right up to the curb with a big wad of blog bucks. Apparently, I had just enough for 5 very pleasurable questions which were just begging to be answered.

1. As a resident of Brooklyn, how often do you find yourself taking in the sights, sounds and smells of Coney Island?
It's only a 20 minute train ride, so I've actually gone to Coney Island several times this summer for various reasons. The main reason is that Coney Island as we know it will be no more after this season, because Astroland is being torn down to make room for a giant resort that no one in the area will be able to afford. The other reason is that I love the combined smell of salt, hot dogs and urine.

2. Can you name a movie that scared the bejeebus out of you?
I don't know if this counts, but I refuse to watch Jaws because I absolutely hate sharks and the idea of being eaten by one makes me want to vomit. As far as traditionally "scary" flicks go, a lot of stupid movies scared me when I was a kid. I particularly remember being scared to death after seeing Amityville Horror II, because the demon talked to a kid through his headphones. I remember not wanting to use my headphones anymore after that. Since I've grown up though, I'm a bit harder to scare and movies today seem to favor style and effects over substance. The last movie that actually kind of creeped me out was White Noise, but I still didn't lose any sleep over it. I find that Discovery program, A Haunting much scarier than most of the wannabe horror flicks.

3. While perusing your archives, I was genuinely shocked to learn character actor Stephen Geoffreys worked in gay porn films. So... there's Screech from Saved By The Bell, and there's that kid who licked the frozen pole in Christmas Story, and now Stephen Geoffreys dabbling in the erotic arts... Seeing as you are a pop culture expert, please wager a guess as to what actor will next make the leap to "adult" entertainment.
It's my expert opinion that Jonathan Lipnicki will be starring in films like The Horniest Vampire and Stu Art Big any day now. (Sorry, couldn't think of a porn take on Jerry Maguire.) I mean, he was a really cute kid when he was little, but look at him now. Not so cute. Same thing happened with Macauley Culkin, but he just got weird. Then there was Haley Joel Osment, who staggered down the road to DUIs and depression. So, I'm thinking that the third kid's the charm. And look at him in that picture. What's he wearing, a fur collar? He's already gone blue, we just don't know about it yet. (No idea who the hobbit on the left is, but he could be the Reed Rothchild to Lipnicki's Dirk Diggler.)

4. I gather that you lived in Pittsburgh, PA for a spell, then picked up stakes to move to New Yawk. What is something you miss about Pittsburgh (excluding friends and family)? What is something you are glad to leave behind?
If by "a spell," you mean "all my life," then you gathered correctly. Pittsburgh was and always will be my home. I definitely miss being in a city of a smaller size. New York City can really turn one into a misanthrope. I also miss how the whole town seems to bond during football season. Go Steelers! What I don't miss is the horrible singles scene. Not that it's been any better here. I'm beginning to think that men are allergic to me. Oh, except for Glenn Tilbrook. 'Cause he hugged me, y'know. Are you paying attention, Beth?? Mwaah ha ha.

5. If some Hollywood types handed you a big bag of money and said, "Beckeye, we want you to make a kickass reality show." What show would you propose?
Hmm, BeckEye's Big Bag of Money sounds promising. The cameras would just follow me and watch me spend all that dough. It would be like a show within a show! But since I've never felt comfortable on camera, it probably wouldn't work. Let's see....I think it would be cool to have a show called something like Tour Bus, where a group of people work as roadies on a bus for a different band or artist each week. Each person would make a list of their 5 favorite artists. They would have to perform certain "challenges" every week, and whoever wins the challenge gets to pick which artist uses the tour bus. Then each week's artist gets to vote off the roadie who they thought was the worst. The ultimate winner would get to be tour manager for their favorite artist because, let's face it, being a roadie probably sucks. This may sound like a stupid show to everyone, but I totally want to be on it now. I already have my list of five written up and I'm practicing my crouching, silent stage run.

Thanks for the good time, Splotchy!

To the rest of you - if you want an interview with or from me, just say the word. I promise not to be offended if you head to Splotchy's corner instead.

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Beth said...

I'm cussin' and spittin', BeckEye, cussin' and spittin'.

Other than you messin' with my man, you sound like an interesting chick.

Artful Dodger said...

I'm feeling adventurous, so I'm raising my digital paw to be interviewed.

Coffee-Drinking Woman said...

Thanks, BeckEye. Thanks a lot. Now I have that ABC song stuck in my head, on repeating loop....

Splotchy said...

Great answers!

There's nothing more terrifying than seeing a horror movie as a child. I remember seeing Phantasm. Holy crap.

I hope Lipnicki heads for the higher ground of infommercials.

I didn't know Haley Joel Osment was having problems! You are full of information which causes me great distress! Won't someone think of the former children actors?!!

I've been to Coney Island once, and it was a wonderful, delightful time. I had a great time on some bumper cars. I'm sorry that it's going away -- I didn't realize.

An80sNut said...

Hmmm... an interview by you... you'd probably keep it entirely sexual. You'd have to show some cleavage but alright. B)

chez béz said...

I'd totally watch Tour Bus if it existed. What five bands/artists would you choose?

cube said...

What is Splotchy?

Malcolm: said...

Hi Beckeye: I couldn't find an email address for you, so I wanted to give you a heads up about the recent death of the founder of CBGB's. Since you reside in NY, I thought you may have checked out some concerts there and might want to pay tribute. Here is the Yahoo link:


Anonymous said...

"...salt, hot dogs and urine..."

There is a Gay Porn video with this very title.

Bond said...

OK...let's start at the beginning....
salt, hot dogs and urine...Girl, are you trying to get me all hot and bothered....?

As a kid, Mr. Sardonikis absolutely put the fear of everything into me, even appearing in my dreams for many nights...The first nightmare was pretty scary

Ummm no comments on the porno stars, though i did not know the kid from Christmas Story who licked the pole had become one...though thinking about it, he wanted to lick that pole, didn't he?

Allergic to YOU? OH girl, that can not be true....I mean...well... as far as i am concerned... well...you did mention salt, hot dogs and urine...and WOO HOOO
And you are damn pretty

Raises hand...can i play on the Bus??? will you be on the buss too???????

OK, lol... now you are afraid of me for sure/....

Shelly said...

Hey BeckEye! I'd love to be interviewed. I need something interesting to write about on my blog! Thanks! My email address is sm_rl@hotmail.com

Scott said...

My dream fantasy job is a tour manager, so I'll be challenging you on this show!

Lee Ann said...

I think the scariest movie I ever saw was Halloween. I had gone to the movie with my friends (all of them guys) and we were seated in the front row (which made it feel like we were IN the movie). One of my friends and I literally stood up from our seats and screamed during one of the scariest scenes. It is something I will never forget and I am sure the people in that audience have not forgotten either!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Where do I sign up for Tour Bus? I want to fetch Thom Yorke's nonfat soy fair trade coffee for him.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"A Haunting" is the thing that scares you the most on TV and not "The Simple Life?"

I think "the hobbit on the left" is the boy from "Spy Kids."

angell said...

Writeprocrastinator got it right - that's the cute kid from the Spy Kids trilogy - and I don't think he's done anything since.

Umm - I wanna play on the bus too!!!

Dale said...

Something about human head, 8 pounds, nah, I'm not going to go there. Great answers and questions!

Coaster Punchman said...

Aw come on, if you had the money I would totally get you to co-produce a live action release of "The Mama Gin File." And by co-produce I mean pay all the expenses and do most of the work. That seems fair enough, right?


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

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I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

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