Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news stories are curiously fascinating:
Lindsay Lohan is 'Master of the Obvious' - Li-Lo summed up her latest stint in rehab by stating, "It was a sobering experience." Not that I even fully believe her but, uhhhh, isn't that the point of rehab? Do you think she's finally figured this out? One thing she hasn't figured out is how to take responsibility for her own actions. She's blaming everyone from her parents to her party friends for her sorry state, vowing not to hang out with the wrong crowd anymore. Didn't Paris say that same thing when she got out of prison? And who did she start partying with again? Lindsay! So, who's corrupting who here?
A Marriage Made in PornoTube Heaven - Pamela Anderson got hitched over the weekend to Rick Salomon, best known as "that dude" in the Paris Hilton sex tape or "that dude" who was married to Shannen Doherty. eHarmony couldn't have designed a better couple than this one. I mean, here are two people who both have supremely bad taste, a penchant for videotaping their disgusting trysts and somehow got famous despite having little to no talent. And since recent rumors suggested that Paris was hooking up with Pam's ex-hubby #2, Kid Rock, this coupling makes perfect sense. Hopefully, all four of them will go hot tubbing some night and dissolve in that bubbling cauldron of STDs. Now if we could only get Shannen Doherty together with Tommy Lee so they could beat each other to death.
Radiohead Makes Lars Ulrich Look Like Even More of a Creep and a Weirdo - Radiohead recently released their latest album, In Rainbows, independently on their website, allowing fans to pay as much as they want for it. Of course, some idiots are already complaining that the bit rate isn't high enough, even though it's higher than the default iTunes bit rate. Morons aside, with bands like Nine Inch Nails and Oasis already following Radiohead's lead, this bold move promises to make music the center of the music industry again. Imagine!
Britney's New Video Picks Up Where the VMAs Left Off - For all the Red Bull Brit supposedly drinks, she hasn't seemed to have much energy lately. Forgetting to put on underwear, trudging through her VMA performance, sleeping through the mandatory drug tests that could've won her custody of her kids...and now this phoned-in video. I was in a female strip club once. Those chicks work. They're like acrobats. Dirty, slutty, shameless acrobats, but impressive nonetheless. They must be completely offended by this video. Question: Is that the smart-ass American Pie dude making a 2-second cameo? More important question: Why hasn't Burger King moved Heaven and Earth to buy the rights to this song??
Jayden James's Future Girlfriend is Born - Whoever is crazy enough to sleep with Nick Nolte just gave birth to his daughter. And nothing I could say would be nearly as funny as the linked photo. Oh, the Photoshopping geniuses at Best Week Ever. Is there anything they can't do?
Lindsay Lohan is 'Master of the Obvious' - Li-Lo summed up her latest stint in rehab by stating, "It was a sobering experience." Not that I even fully believe her but, uhhhh, isn't that the point of rehab? Do you think she's finally figured this out? One thing she hasn't figured out is how to take responsibility for her own actions. She's blaming everyone from her parents to her party friends for her sorry state, vowing not to hang out with the wrong crowd anymore. Didn't Paris say that same thing when she got out of prison? And who did she start partying with again? Lindsay! So, who's corrupting who here?
A Marriage Made in PornoTube Heaven - Pamela Anderson got hitched over the weekend to Rick Salomon, best known as "that dude" in the Paris Hilton sex tape or "that dude" who was married to Shannen Doherty. eHarmony couldn't have designed a better couple than this one. I mean, here are two people who both have supremely bad taste, a penchant for videotaping their disgusting trysts and somehow got famous despite having little to no talent. And since recent rumors suggested that Paris was hooking up with Pam's ex-hubby #2, Kid Rock, this coupling makes perfect sense. Hopefully, all four of them will go hot tubbing some night and dissolve in that bubbling cauldron of STDs. Now if we could only get Shannen Doherty together with Tommy Lee so they could beat each other to death.
Radiohead Makes Lars Ulrich Look Like Even More of a Creep and a Weirdo - Radiohead recently released their latest album, In Rainbows, independently on their website, allowing fans to pay as much as they want for it. Of course, some idiots are already complaining that the bit rate isn't high enough, even though it's higher than the default iTunes bit rate. Morons aside, with bands like Nine Inch Nails and Oasis already following Radiohead's lead, this bold move promises to make music the center of the music industry again. Imagine!
Britney's New Video Picks Up Where the VMAs Left Off - For all the Red Bull Brit supposedly drinks, she hasn't seemed to have much energy lately. Forgetting to put on underwear, trudging through her VMA performance, sleeping through the mandatory drug tests that could've won her custody of her kids...and now this phoned-in video. I was in a female strip club once. Those chicks work. They're like acrobats. Dirty, slutty, shameless acrobats, but impressive nonetheless. They must be completely offended by this video. Question: Is that the smart-ass American Pie dude making a 2-second cameo? More important question: Why hasn't Burger King moved Heaven and Earth to buy the rights to this song??
Jayden James's Future Girlfriend is Born - Whoever is crazy enough to sleep with Nick Nolte just gave birth to his daughter. And nothing I could say would be nearly as funny as the linked photo. Oh, the Photoshopping geniuses at Best Week Ever. Is there anything they can't do?
Comments
I prefer kiddie pools of Jell-O.
That's gotta make you wanna stop smoking meth....
And the kids name is Clytie? That sounds so Appalachian.
(I wonder what Tommy would use to beat her with...)
Doc
I thought Lindsay was being funny, but then I'm easily amused.
Pam/Rick/Paris/Kid dissolving in the cauldron of STDs is gold, beckeye, gold.
radiohead... don't care.
brit-ney... ZZZZZ ZZZZZ *cricket noise* cricket noise*
I see therapy in Baby Nolte's future for soooo many reasons. Clytie?
Kudos to you, Beckeye, for pointing this out.
Excuse me - I'm going to shower now.
Pam Anderson - i just don't get it.
Nick Nolte - remember when he wasn't gross and sickening? If so you have a good memory, its been a loooooooooooooong time.
Good point, x dell; I can't imagine real Radiohead fans complaining about the quality of something which they can receive for free, particularly as most of us are buying the discbox anyway.
Chelene - Yeah, you know, why hasn't she made a sex tape yet? It's really all that's left.
Anandamide - They were just amazed that she wasn't eating at McDonald's.
Amy - Yeah...Appalachian or like some kind of little-known STD.
HV - I hear he has a big stick. Heh. Huh huhuhuhuh.
Doc - Pat O'Brien brings shame upon Access Hollywood every day.
Skylers Dad - I will only do a podcast if Dale narrates it.
Cube - But do you think that Lindsay was being funny or purpose? I think she just didn't realize what she was saying. Probably because she was high.
Bluez - I guess it's a good thing I'm not an accountant, then! You must be confusing me with someone who actually understands numbers. :)
X.Dell - That's a good point. Kind of like how when you hear really bad things about a particular service or company and then you find reviews online and there are a few RAVES...and you just know it's someone from that company trying to boost their image.
Suzel - I think Clytie is Greek for "long road ahead, kid."
Molie - Yeah, she looks like shit as a blonde. It totally clashes with her complexion.
Barbara - Nick Nolte is so bad that I tend to get him confused with Gary Busey these days. Oh, and the picture wasn't offensive, but your office probably has Best Week Ever's site banned. If you caught SNL tonight, they totally ripped off the joke on Weekend Update. It was just a baby's face Photoshopped in to Nolte's famous mugshot.
Barbara - Imagine that! You losing your train of thought because of any mention of Radiohead! It's like when someone mentions Eddie Vedder, I....wait...what was I talking about?
Beth - Perez Hilton. Ugh. What a mess.
Dale - Who are you today, Jackie Mason?
Moxie - Ooh, I wanna take pole dancing lessons!
CP - Apparently, you have never seen "Friends 'Til the End" (in which she tried to pass herself off as a singer) or "Satan's School for Girls."