Thursday, November 08, 2007

ANTM 9, Week 7

This is usually the time when I dish about what happened on America's Next Top Model this week, try to make a few lame puns and try to pretend not to care that no one's reading. However, I was kind of disgusted by the outcome of last night's show, so I'm just gonna gloss over the details of the show and then bitch for a little bit.

All of the girls forgot that last week was a clip show and talked about Ebony's "shocking" decision to leave like it just happened. Since Ebony saved her from being rightfully eliminated, Ambreal was painted as the new underdog, ensuring that she wouldn't be going anywhere this week. Chantal blathered on about how pretty she is (I don't see it) and how much natural talent she has (still don't see it), further solidifying her role as Barbie of the house. Bianca continued to hate everyone for a variety of no-good reasons, further solidifying her role as Bitch of the house. Actually, she nearly morphed into Jan Brady at one point with all of her sour grapes whining. She just substituted "Heather, Heather, Heather" for "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha."

Enrique Iglesias showed up and tricked the girls into playing a game of "Find the Mole." As you can imagine, there were no winners. Then, he let them all slinkily dance around in the new video for his shoddy cover of Ringside's "Tired of Being Sorry." The girls learned their all-important video vixen moves from Tyra, who repeatedly scolds girls when they look "too hoochie" in their photo shoots. Don't worry, folks. The contradictions don't end here.

There were no photos this week, so judging was supposedly based on the girls' performances in the video. I say "supposedly" because, if they were going by the video, either Chantal, Ambreal or Bianca should have been out. But, since every season needs a Barbie, a bitch and an underdog, when Chantal and Sarah found themselves in the Bottom 2, I knew my girl Sarah was getting the boot.

Yes, Sarah was my favorite, but that's not the main reason her elimination irks me. It's more about the judges sorry attempts to justify their decision and Tyra's cowardice and conformity. Over the last few weeks, the judges have harped on the fact that Sarah, the "plus size model," has been losing weight. Sarah hasn't felt like she's lost any weight since the show began, and she hasn't been actively trying to lose any, so she's always seemed a bit baffled when met with this criticism at panel - especially considering that her pictures are always fantastic and she's arguably the most beautiful girl of the bunch.

This week, they really laid it on thick - especially Nigel, who became unattractive to me for the first time. First, he told Sarah that she looked uncomfortable with her mostly see-through ensemble in the video; the inference was that, being so scantily-clad, she must have felt fat next to all the other girls. (Read: Whatsamatta, fatty?) Then, Nigel commented on Sarah's alleged weight loss again, complaining that since she was cast as the plus size model, once she loses her "niche," she just can't compete with the twig-ettes. (Read: Eat up, skinny!) That poor girl must have felt like she was in the Twilight Zone.

Tyra, who still models and has a successful career, bought into this load despite the fact that she herself has gained quite a bit of weight over the years and has even cried about it on her talk show. She told Sarah that, in the modeling industry, girls are either plus-size or super-skinny. There's no in-between, and that's that. Lame. Doesn't Tyra always yap about how she started this show to help girls pursue modeling who may not have had a chance to do it otherwise? Isn't she always talking about shaking things up, keeping things fresh, and finding the next "hot, new look?" She certainly has the power and status to start a trend if she so desires. Why doesn't she take a chance? She could help to give real women a place in the industry but, instead, she just caves in to the status quo.

And come on - why is the prospect of a "normal size" model really that outlandish?? If you took a random sample of women around the world, how many of them do you think would be super-skinny or plus-size? How many of them do you think would fall somewhere in the middle? Do I need to draw Tyra a damn bell curve?

Apparently, what it comes down to is that no designer wants to dress Jane Average. I guess this is why I can't find a damn pair of jeans that fit when I go to the store. There are always a ton of size 2s and a bunch of size 18s and nothing in the middle. Whoever said "the majority rules" sure as hell didn't work in the fashion industry.


Dale said...

Wasn't Tyra's most valuable advice this week something like 'stay beautiful and be pretty'? In other news, I can now slide down a wall and crawl like I mean it, I've been practicing (but only at work).

Moxie said...

As to your jeans comment, if you have a New York & Company store(formerly Lerner NY) near you, check out their jeans. Very flattering and inexpensive - and they come in 3 lengths and a ton of sizes. Their pants are nice for work, too.

Happy Villain said...

Someone once said to me that they liked watching 80s movies because there was a wider variety of women’s bodies in those movies, particular summer flicks. This was back before every Hollywood actress and extra had a boob job and lipo, so these movies were the most recent films that allowed flat chested and averaged-sized women a chance at acting. It’s strange how fashion is the last remaining frontier where the waif look is still in and exaggeratedly effeminized, implanted women don’t rule. Being nowhere near shaped like Pam Anderson, and a farther cry from Kate Moss, I, like you, feel that finding a pair of fitting jeans is one of the challenges of my life. It’s quite sad that Dove received so much criticism for their ad campaign promoting “real” women. I guess we’re just not ready for it.

anandamide said...

Is it just me or is Tyra Banks quickly becoming one of the most insufferably annoying personalities around? Her self-importance rivals Don King's. And don't get me started on her constant self-serving spiel about how difficult modeling is and how much talent it takes.


Anonymous said...

I didn't understand why they were upset that the girl slide down the pole like a hoochie instead of a model? Really? In a music video? Does anyone besides girls in videos and perhaps pole dancers ever slide down a pole? Let alone ladylike?

On a brighter note, Tyra had bangs and a much more natural looking hair color this week. She almost liked normal.

pistols at dawn said...

This does seem odd, since Tyra's made a HUGE deal about being "Huge" (read: size 4).

That show was very entertaining for a hot minute a decade ago, though.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

To me, your fascination with the show is actually more interesting than the show itself.

Moxie said...

On a completely unrelated note, I have a forgotten video request. Where do I send it?

X. Dell said...

(1) I didn't realize that pole dancing was part of a model's skill set nowadays. I thought it had something to do with clothes.

(2) I have a good friend who was a former fashion model. Love her. Hate the business, and what it does to people. I just can't get excited about the show.

As for Banks' hypocracy, she wouldn't be the first celebrity to say one thing one minute, and something contradictory the other. As for the rest of the wannabes, heaven help them ten years from now.

Tenacious S said...

You go, girl. Thank you from all of us average women.

Leonesse said...


lulu said...

Just for the record, plus size models are size 12-14. The average American woman is 5'4 and size 14, which means that the plus sized models are basically thinner than the average American woman (taking into account the height difference between models and regular women)

Travis said...

Just wanted to let you know that I do read your commentary. I get a kick out of the way you write.

I just don't watch the show.

Beth said...

Damn. I thought that was a photo of you and Enrique, that I finally had my shot to get Glenn back.


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