ANTM 9, Week 7

This is usually the time when I dish about what happened on America's Next Top Model this week, try to make a few lame puns and try to pretend not to care that no one's reading. However, I was kind of disgusted by the outcome of last night's show, so I'm just gonna gloss over the details of the show and then bitch for a little bit.

All of the girls forgot that last week was a clip show and talked about Ebony's "shocking" decision to leave like it just happened. Since Ebony saved her from being rightfully eliminated, Ambreal was painted as the new underdog, ensuring that she wouldn't be going anywhere this week. Chantal blathered on about how pretty she is (I don't see it) and how much natural talent she has (still don't see it), further solidifying her role as Barbie of the house. Bianca continued to hate everyone for a variety of no-good reasons, further solidifying her role as Bitch of the house. Actually, she nearly morphed into Jan Brady at one point with all of her sour grapes whining. She just substituted "Heather, Heather, Heather" for "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha."

Enrique Iglesias showed up and tricked the girls into playing a game of "Find the Mole." As you can imagine, there were no winners. Then, he let them all slinkily dance around in the new video for his shoddy cover of Ringside's "Tired of Being Sorry." The girls learned their all-important video vixen moves from Tyra, who repeatedly scolds girls when they look "too hoochie" in their photo shoots. Don't worry, folks. The contradictions don't end here.

There were no photos this week, so judging was supposedly based on the girls' performances in the video. I say "supposedly" because, if they were going by the video, either Chantal, Ambreal or Bianca should have been out. But, since every season needs a Barbie, a bitch and an underdog, when Chantal and Sarah found themselves in the Bottom 2, I knew my girl Sarah was getting the boot.

Yes, Sarah was my favorite, but that's not the main reason her elimination irks me. It's more about the judges sorry attempts to justify their decision and Tyra's cowardice and conformity. Over the last few weeks, the judges have harped on the fact that Sarah, the "plus size model," has been losing weight. Sarah hasn't felt like she's lost any weight since the show began, and she hasn't been actively trying to lose any, so she's always seemed a bit baffled when met with this criticism at panel - especially considering that her pictures are always fantastic and she's arguably the most beautiful girl of the bunch.

This week, they really laid it on thick - especially Nigel, who became unattractive to me for the first time. First, he told Sarah that she looked uncomfortable with her mostly see-through ensemble in the video; the inference was that, being so scantily-clad, she must have felt fat next to all the other girls. (Read: Whatsamatta, fatty?) Then, Nigel commented on Sarah's alleged weight loss again, complaining that since she was cast as the plus size model, once she loses her "niche," she just can't compete with the twig-ettes. (Read: Eat up, skinny!) That poor girl must have felt like she was in the Twilight Zone.

Tyra, who still models and has a successful career, bought into this load despite the fact that she herself has gained quite a bit of weight over the years and has even cried about it on her talk show. She told Sarah that, in the modeling industry, girls are either plus-size or super-skinny. There's no in-between, and that's that. Lame. Doesn't Tyra always yap about how she started this show to help girls pursue modeling who may not have had a chance to do it otherwise? Isn't she always talking about shaking things up, keeping things fresh, and finding the next "hot, new look?" She certainly has the power and status to start a trend if she so desires. Why doesn't she take a chance? She could help to give real women a place in the industry but, instead, she just caves in to the status quo.

And come on - why is the prospect of a "normal size" model really that outlandish?? If you took a random sample of women around the world, how many of them do you think would be super-skinny or plus-size? How many of them do you think would fall somewhere in the middle? Do I need to draw Tyra a damn bell curve?

Apparently, what it comes down to is that no designer wants to dress Jane Average. I guess this is why I can't find a damn pair of jeans that fit when I go to the store. There are always a ton of size 2s and a bunch of size 18s and nothing in the middle. Whoever said "the majority rules" sure as hell didn't work in the fashion industry.