From Living Strong to Passing the Bong

I'm sure everyone has heard the rumors by now that cyclist/superhero, Lance Armstrong, is dating The Nightmare Before Christmas star, Jack Skellington.

Woops...misinformation. He's actually dating ex-Full House star, Ashley Olsen. Sorry, I always get those two confused.

I have no problem with May/December romances, but come on, now!
What is she, 12?
Pounds?

This isn't nearly as disgusting as the supposed Paris Hilton/Kid Rock pairing, but it's still kind of gross. I think I'd prefer that the Lance Armstrong/Matthew McConaughey/Jake Gyllenhall three-way rumors were true, even though I'm so over losing hot men to the other team. Then again, McConaughey is the only one of that trio who really does anything for me. And he smokes a lot of weed, so I could just imagine that he's "experimenting" if those tales do turn out to be true.

Speaking of Matthew, his 38th birthday was on Sunday. He is still looking alright, alright, alright. So, happy belated, Matthew. If there is anything that I can do to help put those gay rumors to rest, please give me a call.