Dammit, Ryan! You said we were going to San Francisco!
It's all coming back to me now. No, I'm not trying to impress The Dawg by doing my best Celine impression...I'm suddenly remembering why I only began recapping AI last year when it got around to the Top 12. This shit is boring me to death.
The hour of sleep I got last night is surely contributing to my lack of patience, but I can't wait until these stupid auditions are over. Tonight, the judges descend upon San Diego. But while the cities may change, the script stays the same. Hot chicks, guys who sound like Brian McKnight and nice folks with sob stories make it through, while attention-starved, wannabe reality TV stars conjure up their best mock anger when they end up in the reject pile. Rinse, lather, repeat.
And is Simon purposely screwing with me because he knows I'm too tired to play games? For one audition, he's wearing a white tee shirt. Next audition, he's wearing a long-sleeved gray v-neck. Then he's back in the white tee. Then he's in a gray scoop neck. Then the v-neck. Then the tee shirt. It's bad enough that he's refusing to wear black, but now he's gonna taunt me by pulling a Diana Ross with the rest of his limited wardrobe?
Oh! And now he's humoring two hose-hounds who run in and try to put their hands all over him. I guess all my gushing over the little farm boy from last week didn't sit well with him, and now he's childishly trying to turn the tables of jealousy on me. Well, fine. I can keep playing that game.
Did you all get a load of the hot Aussie with the smooth soul voice? Farm Boy and Simon better step up their games.
Okay, I can't deal with this foolishness anymore. I have to go to bed.
OH SNAP! Hold on! What's this Simon's wearing?? Finally! A black shirt!! I guess he needed to change after he let those brazen hussies drool all over that gray number.
Well, in the time it's taken me to type this, the show has plodded on and it's finally at the end. I might as well finish watching. And hey, the last auditioner of the day is a nice Irish gal. Apparently she was picked during the first season and then got disqualified because of visa problems. To be sure, she has a lovely voice.
Let the lass through Simon, ya British feck, if ya like yer spine the way 'tis.
Yay! She's going to Hollywood and more years of violence and bloodshed have been averted.
I'm gonna go pass out now.
It's all coming back to me now. No, I'm not trying to impress The Dawg by doing my best Celine impression...I'm suddenly remembering why I only began recapping AI last year when it got around to the Top 12. This shit is boring me to death.
The hour of sleep I got last night is surely contributing to my lack of patience, but I can't wait until these stupid auditions are over. Tonight, the judges descend upon San Diego. But while the cities may change, the script stays the same. Hot chicks, guys who sound like Brian McKnight and nice folks with sob stories make it through, while attention-starved, wannabe reality TV stars conjure up their best mock anger when they end up in the reject pile. Rinse, lather, repeat.
And is Simon purposely screwing with me because he knows I'm too tired to play games? For one audition, he's wearing a white tee shirt. Next audition, he's wearing a long-sleeved gray v-neck. Then he's back in the white tee. Then he's in a gray scoop neck. Then the v-neck. Then the tee shirt. It's bad enough that he's refusing to wear black, but now he's gonna taunt me by pulling a Diana Ross with the rest of his limited wardrobe?
Oh! And now he's humoring two hose-hounds who run in and try to put their hands all over him. I guess all my gushing over the little farm boy from last week didn't sit well with him, and now he's childishly trying to turn the tables of jealousy on me. Well, fine. I can keep playing that game.
Did you all get a load of the hot Aussie with the smooth soul voice? Farm Boy and Simon better step up their games.
Okay, I can't deal with this foolishness anymore. I have to go to bed.
OH SNAP! Hold on! What's this Simon's wearing?? Finally! A black shirt!! I guess he needed to change after he let those brazen hussies drool all over that gray number.
Well, in the time it's taken me to type this, the show has plodded on and it's finally at the end. I might as well finish watching. And hey, the last auditioner of the day is a nice Irish gal. Apparently she was picked during the first season and then got disqualified because of visa problems. To be sure, she has a lovely voice.
Let the lass through Simon, ya British feck, if ya like yer spine the way 'tis.
Yay! She's going to Hollywood and more years of violence and bloodshed have been averted.
I'm gonna go pass out now.
Comments
Tee hee.
I must agree that this post is right full of old Simon, without much Paula or Randy. Hmmm.
The rest of you - Goodness gracious. I'll let all these comments slide because I believe you're all relatively new to my blog. I'm sarcastic about most of what goes on on AI, but I am not kidding about my love for Simon. OF COURSE I have it bad for him. You see, each season I create an imaginary relationship between Lord Cowell and myself, but he frequently pisses me off, causing us to have imaginary (and usually fleeting) rifts in our imaginary relationship. If you go back and read last year's recaps, you'll have a better understanding of our (fake) dysfunctional relationship.
To make it completely clear: I LOVE SIMON COWELL. Bad fashion sense, huge nipples and all.
Although I appreciate you taking one for the team and recapping them.
hehehehehehehehee
have it on now and the guy who thought he was a great singer...these people are delusional
And I agree with the guv'ner about you having a thing for Simon.
I liked the two sisters as audition material even if it felt like the performing sister was doing a Katharine Mcphee impression.
Beth - I feel like I don't even know you.
Barbara - Heh. And people worry about ME! Ryan sure must be happy with whoever Photoshopped this. They gave him quite a package.
Suze - I live to give.
Guv, Luv - I certainly wouldn't say he's my IDEAL mate. But my list of ideal mates is very long, with Travolta at the tippity-top.
Suze - Got it! Oh shoot, I still have to post it. Will do very soon. Thanks!
Pistols - He's a basketball player, right? Yeah, I hate basketball. Your comment hasn't changed my mind on this.
Bond - Arrrrgh! Is no one paying attention? Do I have to scream it from the rooftops? YES I LOVE SIMON - I'M NOT BEING SARCASTIC!! I guess this is what I get for being so sarcastic all the time. No one believes me when I'm telling the whole truth.
Kellypea - Thanks for swinging by and I'm sure AI will pull you out of the dumps soon enough.
Chancelucky - She'd probably have a lot to choose from. I'd like to hear her do Methods of Mayhem's "Get Naked." I'd like to hear ANYONE on Idol do that, in fact.