Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following news items are curiously fascinating:
Wesley Snipes Takes the Money Train to The Hoosegow - Wesley Snipes followed in the footsteps of fellow celebs like Willie Nelson and the naked guy from Survivor by "forgetting" to file tax returns. On Thursday, the actor was sentenced to three years in prison - one year for each count of tax evasion. This should teach celebs a very valuable lesson. That is, if you wanna commit a crime and not have to do the time, you should probably just repeatedly drive drunk or murder someone. You'll be fine. But never, ever mess with the government's money!
Richie Sambora Proves My Earlier Point - Mere hours after charges were brought against the Bon Jovi guitarist (and once-upon-a-time man of my dreams) for driving drunk with his daughter in the car, he cut a deal that kept him out of jail. He's been sentenced to three years of "informal" probation (whatever that means) and gets to go to alkie summer school. No child endangerment charges were filed because, evidently, drunkenly swerving around the road doesn't really endanger your kid that much.
Amy Winehouse Did Something Bad Again...I Think - It seems that Amy and rehab really don't mix, as she apparently fell off the wagon last week, taking out some innocent bystanders in the process with a few well-placed punches and head-butts. According to UK rag, The Sun, "Onlookers told how the married singer snogged a mystery fella at a nightspot and shocked punters by overturning tables and drinks." Um...is that bad? Oh, why can't those British reporters speak English?
Celebutards' Political Picks in High Demand - Not that celebs' opinions on politics should matter at all, but I remember a time when the only ones who mouthed off about topical issues were the ones who seemed to have fully-functioning brains, like Susan Sarandon, Bruce Willis and Eddie Vedder. But, now we're supposed to care which candidate has the all-important bimbo vote? What reporters have so much time on their hands that they can fritter it away by talking politics with the likes of Heidi Montag and Kim Kardashian? I know virtually nothing about politics, but next to these broads I'm practically Mary Matalin. Or James Carville. Or, more appropriately, some famous Independent who I can't name.
...And The Most Shocking News You Will Hear All Year - John Travolta has finally done something that I cannot defend. Click the link and see for yourselves. I'll just be in the bathroom, washing my eyes. And then I'm gonna pray to St. Oprah to help JT find his razor again.
Wesley Snipes Takes the Money Train to The Hoosegow - Wesley Snipes followed in the footsteps of fellow celebs like Willie Nelson and the naked guy from Survivor by "forgetting" to file tax returns. On Thursday, the actor was sentenced to three years in prison - one year for each count of tax evasion. This should teach celebs a very valuable lesson. That is, if you wanna commit a crime and not have to do the time, you should probably just repeatedly drive drunk or murder someone. You'll be fine. But never, ever mess with the government's money!
Richie Sambora Proves My Earlier Point - Mere hours after charges were brought against the Bon Jovi guitarist (and once-upon-a-time man of my dreams) for driving drunk with his daughter in the car, he cut a deal that kept him out of jail. He's been sentenced to three years of "informal" probation (whatever that means) and gets to go to alkie summer school. No child endangerment charges were filed because, evidently, drunkenly swerving around the road doesn't really endanger your kid that much.
Amy Winehouse Did Something Bad Again...I Think - It seems that Amy and rehab really don't mix, as she apparently fell off the wagon last week, taking out some innocent bystanders in the process with a few well-placed punches and head-butts. According to UK rag, The Sun, "Onlookers told how the married singer snogged a mystery fella at a nightspot and shocked punters by overturning tables and drinks." Um...is that bad? Oh, why can't those British reporters speak English?
Celebutards' Political Picks in High Demand - Not that celebs' opinions on politics should matter at all, but I remember a time when the only ones who mouthed off about topical issues were the ones who seemed to have fully-functioning brains, like Susan Sarandon, Bruce Willis and Eddie Vedder. But, now we're supposed to care which candidate has the all-important bimbo vote? What reporters have so much time on their hands that they can fritter it away by talking politics with the likes of Heidi Montag and Kim Kardashian? I know virtually nothing about politics, but next to these broads I'm practically Mary Matalin. Or James Carville. Or, more appropriately, some famous Independent who I can't name.
...And The Most Shocking News You Will Hear All Year - John Travolta has finally done something that I cannot defend. Click the link and see for yourselves. I'll just be in the bathroom, washing my eyes. And then I'm gonna pray to St. Oprah to help JT find his razor again.
Comments
The moustache looks disgusting, btw.
And what exactly is a Kim Kardashian, may I ask? I don't think I've ever heard of her before that reality show thing on E!, which I have not bothered to watch. But what exactly does a Kardashian DO?
Angela
Ick!
Ya, I saw that picture of JT and wanted to start speaking in broken Chinese and jumping around singing "Kung Fu Fighting".
~Jef
Amy Winehouse really should take up soccer.
funny stuff
Celebrities and their political opinions make me sick because too many people are can't think for themselves and will vote for whoever their favorite celebrity likes that day. Of course Bruce doesn't count...if he says vote Obama, of course I will vote Obama :_)
The link to JT would not open, but after reading the comments here, I am rather thankful for that.
(that mustache is so wrong at so many levels.)
"Thanks. You just killed my soul."
-ow! Would you stop throwing glasses at me?
Chicago Cubs player Ryne Sandberg was much-admired by the ladies here in Chicago. He finally succumbed to suggestion and did a poster-- but he posed with a mustache. The poster sank without a trace. I searched the internet and could not find a trace of it; my guess is that he bought every copy of the awful poster and burned it.
A few weeks ago, my son and I visited my parents, and we looked through old photobooks. We came across a picture of my father with his sole excursion into wearing a moustache; it elicited chuckles from my mother, my son and I.
Regarding celebrities who don't pay their taxes-- I'm paying back taxes that were actual mistakes, and I'm a nobody. Why do they think that the IRS won't notice multi-million dollar back taxes that were intentionally not paid by someone famous?