American Idol 7 Results: 5/7/08

American Idol is totally harshing my mellow, man. Jason Castro was finally "voted" off tonight. Oh well. Party at the moon tower, y'all!

While I'm bummed to see him go, I'm actually happy for him. He was absolutely thrilled to be rid of this nonsense. But, since it was pretty much a certainty that he was leaving tonight, why did we all have to sit through an hour of ridunkulousness just to get to this result?

The evening started on a particularly sour note with a more cheesy than usual group sing of Steely Dan's "Reelin' in the Years." Wow, that must have been choreographed by Simon's first grade teacher. I was almost waiting for them all to break into the Macarena. I did kind of enjoy the beginning of the song, when Little Lord Archuleroy almost forgot to start singing. He got that wide-eyed "Daddy's gonna make me sleep in the garage tonight" look on his face and then quickly spat out the verses to catch up with the music.

But guess what? He was safe. Oh, and guess something else! So was the other David! Shock! Awe!

Judge Judy in the house! I thought she might have been there to give a ruling on Paulagate, but no such luck.

The Ford commercial was a little disturbing. Everyone was dressed up like bullfighters. Syesha looked pretty good in her outfit, but boys should never wear tight spandex pants. Unless they're entering a moose knuckle contest.

To the girl who called in to ask David Cook out on a date when he swings through Pittsburgh on the Idol tour - you're kind of an idiot. But, if he actually goes for it, you're a genius. Furthermore, if he actually goes for it, please get Michael Johns' number from him. I'll buy you a Yuengling and a cheesesteak at Primanti's the next time I'm in town. Promise.

I had to switch over to Supernanny when Maroon 5 took the stage. I flipped it back just in time to hear human turd, Adam Levine, giving the Top 4 some nuggets of advice. It was like a master class in "how to be a giant tool."

Bo Bice returned to the AI stage to do his Southern Rock thing. I didn't love his new single, "Witness," but at least he's back to being himself after having been forced to churn out a Bon Jovi-lite debut by the evil Clive Davis a few years back.

After all this, Seacrest finally announced to a beaming Jason that he was going home. He's been like a little ray of sunshine all season long, but he was in rare form tonight. Some of his greatest hits from the evening:

• When Ryan brought out Jason and Syesha about 15 minutes into the show and pretended like he was already giving the results, Jason got the Vinnie Barbarino I'm-so-confused look on his face and asked, "Are you gonna tell us now?"
• Seacrest brought up Jason's lyric flub from last night and Jason said, "Someone said I shot Mr. Tambourine Man. Huh huh huh. That's kinda funny."
• A call-in viewer asked all of the Idols what their biggest obstacle to overcome has been. Jason's answer? "The brain being dead."
• When Ryan said that Jason seemed relieved to be out, he replied, "Yeah, it's three songs next week. I don't know what I'd have done!"
• During his sing-out of "I Shot the Sheriff," he didn't even try to hide his glee over going home.
  
• And best of all...during Jason's farewell package he was seen in the audition waiting room dueting on "Since U Been Gone" with Renaldo "I Am Your Brother" Lapuz!

The Shrieker will fall next week, clearing the way for the inevitable Duel of the Davids. That is where David Cook will stumble, when faced with the newest Idol single, "I Believe This is My Proud Moment Flying Inside Your Heaven Without Wings." There is no way that Cookie will be able to match The Archuletor's gift for wringing every last bit of sap from maudlin, mid-tempo songs.