Thursday, May 08, 2008

No, Barry Manilow. Eye Write The Songs.

My horrible procrastination kept me from entering the American Idol songwriting competition, which is a damn shame because I think I have a winning tune on my hands. (The bastards should let me enter late, since the whole contest was my idea to begin with. But whatever.)

Since Michael Johns is no longer in the competition, I'll have to withdraw my other original song candidate, "Headin' Down Under." That never would have made it to air anyway. Stinkin' prudes.

Anyway, this song is sure to be a hit someday. I don't see how it could miss, seeing as it took me 30 whole minutes to write. Maybe I'll enter it in next year's songwriting contest or maybe I'll shop it around to failed Idols past who are out there still trying to make a go of it.

I've taken all the best of the worst elements of previous Idol singles to create this very inspirational piece entitled, "I Believe This is My Proud Moment Flying Inside Your Heaven Without Wings." I'm sure the fine folks at 19 Entertainment would never allow such a long, clunky song title, so I'm willing to compromise slightly on my artistic vision and go with something punchier like "My Proudest Moment" or "Miracle Flight."

I wish I had some music for you all to sing along to, but you can make an educated guess as to how it goes. Mid-tempo. First verse is a soft, gradual build to the belted-out chorus. Some choppy strings come in at the bridge, the music swells and then the first four lines of the chorus after the bridge are sung softly with just acoustic guitar accompaniment. Then - boom! The 2nd half of the chorus is very loud and dramatic, bringing it all to the big climax of the last repeat of the chorus, chock full of runny melisma. Then, ever so softly, the acoustic guitar comes back to put the song to bed with those last three lines.


Some people live a lifetime and never get the chance to fly
But with faith and confidence, anyone can touch the sky

Sometimes you have to risk it all

And there'll be times when you will fall

But when you shake off all the fear dust

You'll see that Heaven is so near us!


And now...I'm soaring through the firmament

I don't know where the sidewalk went

But I don't care

Because I've found the rainbow's end

And now...I finally know what my dreams meant

I'll achieve 'em on this high ascent

And I'll sing out
That this is my proudest moment

Storm clouds loom ahead of me, it's gonna be a bumpy ride

But your magic love umbrella will keep me safe and warm and dry

Your shining light shows me the way

And I can swear I hear you say

Even when I'm not beside you

You'll always have my love to guide you!



I'll never touch the ground again

This flight is never gonna end

The power to make miracles is mine!

CHORUS (repeat 2x)

Ooooh, oh, woah
I do believe that

This is my proudest...moment

Oh, I can just see Little Lord Archuleroy now. Singing this with his eyes half closed, tongue licking wildly between each's a hot lava bomb just waiting to explode.

Also recommended: Flannery Alden's original, "Forever Today."

EDIT: Oh snap! I totally forgot that Dale wrote a potential Idol single last year as well. I don't know how I forgot, since it was I who basically forced him to write it. You can check it out here. It's at the end of the post. It's another song about flying, beautifully titled "Flying On My Own (After A Big Corporate Push)."


Turnbaby said...

That just made me throw up in my mouth a little. That's a good sign!

Red said...

HAHAHAHA "I'm soaring through the firmament" HAHAHAHAHA

That is awesome!

(btw...I'm still working on David Cook is a Crook (Cuz He Gone Done Stole My Heart) and I still plan to post it. Maybe...we will see...

Alice said...

this brought a tear to my eye.

i'll have you know, i sang it out in my head.. i have a whole melody and (i think, appropriate to what you envisioned) orchestral back up going too. it's pretty awesomely cheesy.

my favorite line BY FAR is "your magic love umbrella will keep me safe and dry." MAGIC LOVE UMBRELLA! brilliant.

fran said...

"Magic Love Umbrella" is my favorite part, too. I think that a terrible jam band should make that their name. Too bad Phish already has a name and broke up.

Chancelucky said...

You know Syesha is making a pretty good case that she can do the platitude aria every bit as well as David A.

great song by the way :}

Amy said...

Firmament.... that brought tears to my eyes.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I am blown away by your supreme Idolness. Quit your day job NOW, girl!

My favourite bit? Definitely the fear dust.

Bloody Awful Poetry said...

I give thee a virtual standing ovation.
My favourite part is the title, actually. You are even awesomer than I thought you were!

Bubs said...

That was inspiring. I need a dry ice fogger and a way to project the lyrics on a karaoke machine, I'll bet the hit of the next party

Gifted Typist said...





elaine said...

That's probably way better than whatever craptastic song they end up with this year.

Isn't there supposed to be some sort of twist or surprise with the final song? Maybe the contestants get to choose which song to sing, or they may choose one of their own songs instead.

The Guv'ner said...

You are clearly insane and alarmingly spot on. Neither of these things surprises me AT ALL.

Dale said...

I just threw up in your mouth a little! I wrote a similar song which hasn't made the charts following an 'interview' we did last year. Good times!

Bond said...

any song with 'firmament' in it needs to be recorded SOON

Slave to the dogs said...

I think John Mayer already wrote that song.

Red said...

Did you know that Barry actually didn't write "I Write the Songs"?

This cool waitress named Elaine at Don't Tell Mama on 46th used to do a great spoof on it. The refrain:

I slice salami for the whole West Side
I got the business from an uncle who died
I make potato salad, coleslaw, too
I am deli: I'm a Jew.

By the end she'd make the whole bar sing and sway. Good times.

Anonymous said...

Beckeye said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And Beckeye made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. And Beckeye called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

This explains the elimination shows on Wednesdays. Firmament is the new fierce.

pistols at dawn said...

Touching. Your faith is what makes you strong.

Artful Dodger said...

Okay, do I sing this straight or as a rap? I think a good house beat can make this work.

Distributorcap said...

everything you do is a hit to me!


CDP said...

My 6 year old--Mommy, what is so funny?
Me--I don't think I can explain it to you, sweetie.

Seriously, you have outdone yourself. Quite mad.

Dale said...

Yours is far superior to mine oh Beckeye, goddess of the blogs and AI.

Falwless said...

Ohmygod. I 'bout busted a gut. This is truly brilliant, madam. Seriously still laughing over here. Good times. Good times.

Kristi Mantoni said...

You got a number one hit on your hands!!! It's absolutely PERFECT!!


Who Does This Broad Think She Is?

My photo
I am a winsome muse who was sent to Earth to inspire an artist to turn a vacant building into the world's coolest disco roller rink. We fell in love along the way, and I foolishly gave up my immortality. When the disco craze ended and all the roller rinks were shut down, that lazy bum wouldn't get a job. We broke up and I was stuck on Earth with nothing to do and no one to inspire. So, now I write a blog.

What Do Others Think of BeckEye?

"You're like an idiot savant of terrible garbage entertainment." - Falwless

"You're my hero." - Candy

"Get yourself a life. Better yet.....eff off." - Ann Onymous

"There's no one like you." - Klaus Meine