Monday, August 25, 2008

American Idol 8: Now With 25% More Useless Commentary!

One major change that viewers will see on the next season of American Idol is a permanent fourth judge. Songwriter Kara DioGuardi, who's written such classics as, um...I'm sorry. I was mistaken. No classics. Just a bunch of crap for "singers" like Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Enrique Iglesias. She's also written for mostly-forgotten Idols like Katharine McPhee and Diana DeGarmo, but she did write a few songs for Kelly Clarkson. In fact, she wrote my favorite Kelly song, "Gone," which just goes to show that you have to pass a lot of turds before laying a golden egg. Or it just means that I occasionally like kinda crappy music. Whatever.

Anyhoo, it seems that Paula Abdul is a bit worried about having this extra judge around. In a recent radio interview, P-Ab said, "I am concerned about the audience and acceptance. Time will tell. We'll see."

Okay, Paula, but enough about you. Do you think the audience will accept this new gal?

I mean, seriously. What is this woman talking about? The show has been on for seven years and no one really accepts her as an actual judge of musical talent. No one accepts her slurred tangents as helpful or insightful advice. We put up with her because she amuses us from time to time with her frequent train wrecks. That's all. So, how much worse could this new chick be?

What is Paula really worried about? Competition for Simon's affections? Competition for the young, ambitious male contestants? Competition for the bartender's attention at the after-show parties?

One thing she doesn't have to worry about is competition for the public's respect. I'd say the pedestals for a crazy, drunk, Auto-tuned has-been and a one-woman song factory who unleashed Ashlee Simpson's "La La" on the world are about the same height.


Drunky sez...
Zmm...sho...dunn fuggish sakeda ateish umsak quinns, itslike toad ollie rasdacull! Mm num num.

Sober translation: Don't forget to take the '80s Music Quiz. It's, like, totally radical!

19 comments:

evilesb138 said...

wow a great, influential song writer to be a judge on Idol....I might almost watch some of it...apparently the cartoon, dancing wolf from Paula's video was not available...

don't make fun of Ashley, she used to be "punk rock" and "la-la" was personal expression and screaming out against, um....her shirt said she was punk rock

GingerSnaps said...

Why did they get a new judge? I truly do not think the panel of judges is the issue with the show being...um...boring at times.

How about getting some more up-to-date guest artists???

pistols at dawn said...

Don't you ever mock anyone who's teaching America's blond 16-year-olds to be my French maid when they meet me at the door.

Dr Zibbs said...

Even though this show is crap (but I watch every episode), this is a stupid idea. They must be doing this because Paula is going to be leaving. It makes no sense at all.

Mike said...

nice to have you back slinging crap at Idol! Its what drew me to you in the beginning! :-)

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I may have to watch the show sometime, especially if they are going to start featuring some drunken cat fights.

Heather said...

Great, more crap for me to fast forward through. All hail Tivo!

words words words said...

I love this. They're grooming Paula's replacement right under her nose! I can only hope that we see an on-air catfight. I envy whoever has been given the task of writing the official story for Paula's eventual departure.

Red said...

Yeah. This should be interesting. Canadian Idol has 4 judges and it's just too many.

Bond said...

ah but yesterday on Ryan's radio show she said she was not worried and that she 'found' this woman and let her live with her and is her bestest friend and that they sleep together and Paula let's her strap on and take her...

well she might not have said all that

Tony Spunk said...

You know, the Abdul woman is a pure pedigree lush but Tony bets she goes like a bunny on heat. Plus that's a mouth that's seen some action right there.

evilesb138 said...

I'll comment here...you rule.

So, I was over at lunch ladies blog and saw your Slim Whitman reference...I almost cried. Remember, he sold more records than Elvis and the Beatles.

katrocket said...

I wasn't surprised they added a 4th judge because all the other Idol franchises around the world have 4 judges. But when I heard the news, I immediately assumed the new judge would be replacing Paula, for obvious reasons.

Cormac Brown said...

You see, I know who make an even better judge, this chick Rebecca, that I know, ya know? The only problem with her is that she would entirely too easy on Simon.

Chancelucky said...

If they were going to get a 4th judge, it should have been Sanjaya.

How are they going to do the 2-2 ties during auditions?

Alice said...

are they letting contestants sing their own songs this year? if they're not introducing songwriting as an option... meh. not really sure why/how a 4th judge will help. especially if they're not REPLACING paula with her. this will mean there's just more annoying talking to fast forward through between performances.

*Renee* said...

I agree with gingersnaps on this one. I don't think it's necessary to have another judge. *LOL* I think Paula adds some flavor to the show. When the auditions are over, the singing part of the show can get boring and when she judges and thinks they sang some song when they didn't - ha haa that's the best part :D!

LoraLoo said...

I guess they're feeling like the show needs a new edge. Didn't the ratings slow last season? I stopped watching it, it definitely got old for me.

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