American Idol 8: Now With 25% More Useless Commentary!

One major change that viewers will see on the next season of American Idol is a permanent fourth judge. Songwriter Kara DioGuardi, who's written such classics as, um...I'm sorry. I was mistaken. No classics. Just a bunch of crap for "singers" like Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Enrique Iglesias. She's also written for mostly-forgotten Idols like Katharine McPhee and Diana DeGarmo, but she did write a few songs for Kelly Clarkson. In fact, she wrote my favorite Kelly song, "Gone," which just goes to show that you have to pass a lot of turds before laying a golden egg. Or it just means that I occasionally like kinda crappy music. Whatever.

Anyhoo, it seems that Paula Abdul is a bit worried about having this extra judge around. In a recent radio interview, P-Ab said, "I am concerned about the audience and acceptance. Time will tell. We'll see."

Okay, Paula, but enough about you. Do you think the audience will accept this new gal?

I mean, seriously. What is this woman talking about? The show has been on for seven years and no one really accepts her as an actual judge of musical talent. No one accepts her slurred tangents as helpful or insightful advice. We put up with her because she amuses us from time to time with her frequent train wrecks. That's all. So, how much worse could this new chick be?

What is Paula really worried about? Competition for Simon's affections? Competition for the young, ambitious male contestants? Competition for the bartender's attention at the after-show parties?

One thing she doesn't have to worry about is competition for the public's respect. I'd say the pedestals for a crazy, drunk, Auto-tuned has-been and a one-woman song factory who unleashed Ashlee Simpson's "La La" on the world are about the same height.


Drunky sez...
Zmm...sho...dunn fuggish sakeda ateish umsak quinns, itslike toad ollie rasdacull! Mm num num.

Sober translation: Don't forget to take the '80s Music Quiz. It's, like, totally radical!