TV Is Still My Dark Master

I haven't blogged much about any TV shows (aside from the awesome Puppy Games) since summer reruns took over, which may trick most of you into thinking that I've been doing more productive things, like, outside and stuff. However, while I have been spending more time rockin' out with Mr. iPod and flirting with those bad UV rays, I haven't ended my long-term relationship with TV. He's so square, but baby I don't care. Because for all his faults, he still always manages to find some way to please me.

Here is some of the candy that my baby has been feeding me this summer:

So You Think You Can Dance, FOX - Ahhhh, when the IV drip runs out of American Idol juice, I can always count on Nigel Lythgoe to hook up a nice big bag of this worthy replacement, now in its 4th season. I've been watching this since Season 2, and I totally love it despite judge Mary Murphy's annoying, ear-shattering screaming. I just haven't bothered to blog about the show because I haven't figured out a way to be funny while writing about dancing. Plus, all of the contestants are generally really good, not like AI where there are usually always at least one or two horrible train-wreck "singers," so it's a little harder to make fun of. This season was probably the best one yet. The only way it could have been better? Two words: Pasha Kovalev. He showed up in one episode as a guest choreographer, but that's hardly enough.(Warning: the previous link will take you to one of those stupid fan-made tribute videos on YouTube. Every picture I found of him looked ultra-dorky. That could be because the guy is a dork, but he's one of the hottest dorks I've ever seen.)

Animal Cops, Animal Planet - There are a bunch of different cities in which this show takes place, but every time I see it, it's usually Houston, Miami or New York. If ever there was a TV show that pushed every one of my buttons at the same time, it's this one. I love the animals, but I hate the horrible things that happen to them. I love when the cops catch jerkoff animal abusers, but I hate the incredibly light penalties that are imposed upon them. I'm happy when pets are taken care of by the vets and adopted by good families, but I'm sad and angry when animals have to be put down because their lives have been ruined by some irresponsible jackhole. Some people don't like watching this show because it can be sad but, in general, most stories have positive outcomes, and it's worth watching for the happy endings. I watch this all year-round, but Animal Planet tends to run marathons in the summer months, which always suck me in.

Mythbusters, Discovery Channel - Like Animal Cops, this isn't just a summer fill-in either. Honestly, I think this is one of the best shows on TV. I mean, I've been duped into believing a lot of crap in my life and Adam and Jamie - along with a few others including hottie technerd Tory - have helped me shed my gullibility. Birds CAN eat rice without exploding! There is no super-scary haunted house ANYWHERE that gives you your money back if you make it all the way through! And, most importantly, if you're in an elevator that suddenly plummets to the ground, jump up and down all you want. Might as well have a little bit of fun before you get crushed to death.

I Love Money, VH1 - Yeah, most people would be embarassed to admit that they like this show, but I think it's a bit late for me to try to pretend that I'm hip at this point. This is basically just a bunch of rejects from Flavor of Love, I Love New York and Rock of Love further gleefully humiliating themselves by playing stupid games for a big wad of cash. It's kind of like a skankier version of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, and even though it's not quite as entertaining as that, I appreciate the honesty of the show. I mean, the title says it all. These people love money, as they have proven time and time again by always putting it above things most normal people prize, like family, friendship, love, integrity, self-respect, employment, knowledge, the English language, a disease-free body, and so forth. The only way this series could be more honest would be to call it I Love Money, Sex, Attention and Talking Loudly.

The Soup, E! - Since I can only watch so much reality TV before I lapse into a coma or spontaneously contract syphilis, I rely on Joel McHale for all the good poop on these poopy shows. I'm sort of loving The Soup even more than Best Week Ever these days. While I still dig BWE, their "Oh my God, can you believe how cool we are?" attitude has started to grate on my nerves. Or maybe I'm just pissed that I've never been able to get a job with them. Either way, Joel McHale is funnier on his own than a lot of those no-name wannabe VH1 comedians put together. And he's kind of a cutie, too.

I just realized that while I'm watching all of this filler, I'm still paying $16 a month for Netflix and not even really using it. I've had The Departed sitting around, envelope unopened, for just about two months now. I really need to stop busting myths and find out if Leo DiCaprio ever did get chopped up and fed to the poo-ah. Here's hoping.


How can I get the job of being your dark lord and master?
Anna M-W said…
I admire you for being able to watch "Animal Cops." I can't even get through the damn Sarah McLachlan commercial! I want to kill people who are cruel to animals and kids.

I am addicted to "I Love Money" as well. These people must really love money because they are doing all this shit for only $250K!

I still can't believe there is going to be another Rock of Love. I think they are filming ROL3 now.
Travis said…
Have no fear! Dancing with the Stars returns in about six weeks. There's plenty of funny fodder there to last you right up to season 8 of AI.
Anonymous said…
That reminds me - I have a Netflix movie around here somewhere that I haven't opened, watched or even know what it is.
I want to be on Myth Busters SO BAD! They have way too much fun. Gotta love people who embrace their inner science nerdom.
Doc said…
Love my Mythbusters!

pistols at dawn said…
I think you should really start "drinking" in "bars" and "sleeping with random men," because this is just sad.

Also, I'm trying to convert everyone to my lifestyle.
Gifted Typist said…
I watched So You Think You Can Dance first and thought AI was just some cheap rip off
Being a Mythbuster is like my freakin dream job! It's utterly criminal to have that much fun. Ever.
*Renee* said…
AH, you have some great taste in your tv shows! I also love Animal Cops (recently I saw an episode about a Bull Terrier (think TARGET mascot) that was severely burned and he had to be put down. I couldn't stop crying and I wanted to go throgh my tv and give the dog a kiss to tell him I loved him and I'm sorry he had to live the life he did :(!

On a more positive note, I Love Money is great with all the hoochies and drama involved. And The Soup is great with all the reality clips and his Chihuahua *R@CKS* :D!!!
evil-e said…
hey I know that girl above me

Me and Renee actually agree on "The Soup"...we watch it together. The host guy is funny in a dorky kind of way.

Mythbusters is just good stuff. I have been watching since it started and because Discovery runs marathons seemingly every Sunday, I have not missed one.
Anonymous said…
"I love money" is the funniest reality show out there. You'd have plenty of fodder on this show. I mean how can you be embarrased about a reality show that is actually worthy of being called a reality show? This one has it all ( but I'm sad Mr Boston is gone.
All are idiotic, socially and physically abnormal, borderline-suicidal, vain, self-deluded, bat-shit crazy people you’ll ever see on TV. These people are the red headed step children of reality competition shows. It’s exactly like The Gauntlet, except 1000 times more trashy.

Who wouldn't wanna see that??
Dr Zibbs said…
The Soup rocks AND you can download free clips from Itunes. That what I do.
Red said…
Animal Cops kills me! I can't watch it anymore. Way too upsetting.
Bond said…
Only watch SYTYCD from that list, though the Soup can be funny Big Brother?
Leonesse said…
I cannot watch Animal Cops. No, no, no. nononononoooooooooooooooo.

It makes me realize how much I really do not like people. Except you people, of course, but you are easy to ignore and don't drink my beer. If I had any beer.
Falwless said…
Wow, what a post! Several items to comment on. Let's get started, shall we?

A) SYTYCD - Haven't watched it this season for some reason, but I have two words for you: Wade. Robson. Oh heaven and angels on high how I'd like me a slice of that cherry pie. Mmmm mmm mmmm. And yeah, Mary's laugh is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. GAH!

B) Animal Cops - it's all been said by other commenters. So so so upsetting to me to see these poor animals so mistreated.

C) Apparently many people are watching this I Love Money nonsense. So many that now I'll probably tune in to see what the fuss is about. Nice going, VH1. Word of mouth advertising at its best.

D) The Departed was wretched. Terrible. But I'm sure someone will come along and hail it as the most awesome film ever created, so don't listen to me. I just don't like movies like that, one bit.

E) You had me laughing most at this: And, most importantly, if you're in an elevator that suddenly plummets to the ground, jump up and down all you want. Might as well have a little bit of fun before you get crushed to death. hahaha
SkylersDad said…
I absolutely love Mythbusters!!

That right there is my dream job, if only to cuddle up a little close to Kari...
Jon said…
I love the Soup. Joel McHale pretty much has my dream job.

And the Departed was a great flick. Don't listen to Falwless.
Cormac Brown said…
The Soup is the only way I can understand what shows you are blogging about half the time and it is certainly the only way to watch the more insufferable ones. They take the bullet so we don't have to...especially with shows like "Sunset Tan," in which a brief clip per episode is all it deserves.

I'm mad because I missed the Mythbusters "Shark Week" episode.
The Soup is amazing, and Joel McHale is my favorite host ever for that show in all its incarnations. I will also watch Mythbusters simply for Kari's Kari-ness. I can't say I've ever seen any of the other shows.

But my favorite thing about this post is how you made the word "outside" an activity. Too funny!

Also, I feel obligated to point out how utterly and epically wrong Fal is about The Departed. They don't hand out Best Picture Oscars to monkeys. (Except for that year Shakespeare In Love beat Saving Private Ryan.)
Kristi Mantoni said…
What abut Flipping Out? That show is da bomb!!!
katrocket said…

When I first saw the words Animal Cops, I thought Oh God NO! BeckEye is hooked on some kinda Meerkat Mansion show where animals dress up like cops and solve crimes.

That show would be such a big hit.
mellowlee said…
Those Mythbusters guys are insane. I love them!
Falwless said…
Everyone can suck my wiener. The Departed was awful.
Dale said…
The Soup is good food! It saves me so much damned time.